Every woman needs to know how to talk to men. It doesn’t matter if you are barely out of teenage or a forty-something woman.
The ability to hold a good conversation with men can make a difference when it comes to starting new relationships.
Luckily, effectively talking to men is something you can learn. Once you become aware of the counterproductive patterns from the past, you will know how to be a great conversationalist.
So, think about what you do when in a conversation with men. Have you unconsciously fallen into habits that make communication impossible?
In an article appearing in Psychology Today, Robert Taibbi illustrates that men and women communicate differently. He says that women tend to solve their problems by sharing them.
As a woman, that approach may work for you. However, doing that often will make you look like someone who is ever complaining. That could render communication with men impossible.
So, how do you talk to a man? In this article, we discuss 15 conversation tips that will change your life. Your journey to self-discovery begins here.
Start by creating a rapport
A great conversation starts when there is a connection. The first time you meet a man, seek to build a rapport. What exactly does that mean? It is all about being on the same page when it comes to some key issues.
At your first meeting, listen out for the man’s beliefs and values. For example, the man could say he likes taking a cup of coffee the first thing in the morning. Or that he rewinds by listening to slow music in the evening.
Keep that at the back of your mind. When you meet him next, you could tell him about a slow song you enjoyed “last evening.” He may not remember what he said to you the first time you met.
The fact that you are echoing one of his values will create a rapport between the two of you. Once you have an emotional connection, it will be easier for you to communicate.
Learn To Live In the Present
Have you ever been blocked from having a meaningful relationship with your own thoughts? Think about it. You are trying to talk to a man. However, you keep churning hordes of ideas inside your head.
It is impossible to hear what he is saying. Perhaps you are afraid to say the wrong thing. Or, you fear his response could put you off. Either way, your brain has completely veered off the trajectory of the conversation.
You cannot talk to a man effectively if your mind is blocked with unnecessary thoughts. Avoid looking aloof. Shut off the part of the brain that’s leading you astray. Learn to live in the present.
Completely concentrate on the conversation to win over the man. Show him that he really matters to you and that you rather talk to him than do anything else.
Talk, and Also Listen
Communication is not just about talking. Instead, it is a combination of speaking and listening. Yet, not many people understand what that is. If you are one of them, we ask you to sit down and listen.
We don’t mean mere hearing, which involves the interval when you are pondering what to say. Forget about how to respond. If you learn to truly listen to the man, you will have a lot to say.
In a Psychology Today article, Dr. Diana Raab says the act of listening to a man shows how much you care for him. It is one of the best ways to create a rapport between the two of you.
Don’t be surprised if the man asks you out just because you appear to have a positive attitude. He will definitely want to have you as his girlfriend simply because he finds your company great.
Turn on Your Humorous Side
Are you feeling stuck in a conversation with a man? The best way to break the ice is by getting a little bit more humorous. Don’t say you have no idea how to tell a good joke.
When it comes to being funny, just anyone can pull it off. Learn how to crack a joke or make a witty comment. We are not suggesting you do it like a professional stand-up comedian.
Like the professionals, you can come up with a killer punch like by thinking about the joke beforehand. When the time comes to tell your joke, keep a straight face to make the most significant impact.
Don’t waste time trying to explain yourself. You will only end up diluting the fun. Once you get the guy laughing, you can keep it live with appropriate follow-up jokes.
Throw in a Compliment
Most women find it so hard complimenting the men they meet for the first time. They are afraid to look too easy to get. Such women think they will look desperate if they praise men. That’s not true.
Complimenting a man doesn’t mean that you are readily giving yourself to him. What it does is to make the man more interested in you. It could be about how good he looks, what he has done for you, and so on.
Once the relationship picks up, you should make it a habit. Writing for psychcentral.com, author Marcia Naomi Berger acknowledges the power of compliments in relationships.
So learn to tell the men you meet in your life the things you appreciate about them. If you haven’t been doing it, Naomi shows you how to do it in her book Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love.
Say Much in Silence
In the middle of e conversation, you are going to have intervals when all you have is silence. Savor the moment! You don’t have to say anything. It doesn’t matter how much you are itching to say something.
If you are having dinner, take a mouthful of the food, gulp your drink, and just enjoy yourself. Allow the man time to respond to what you have said so far.
Perhaps he is not such a talker and requires time to say something. When he starts talking, don’t interrupt him. Doing that will make you look inconsiderate.
Even so, men prefer silence. They would rather stay calm and think about solutions to a problem than keep talking about it. Once a solution is found, the chapter is closed.
So, give the man some intervals of silence even as you keep talking.
Crying Freaks Him Out
You are trying to talk to a man. Out of the blue, you start to cry. Don’t be surprised if he freaks out. Men are very different from women. The only time tears can freely flow from his eyes is after a tragedy.
For women, crying could be due to anger, emptiness, fatigue, frustration, sadness, and happiness. Imagine yourselves celebrating a significant milestone. You are so happy.
As you walk across the kitchen, you spill water on the floor. Out of the blue, you start crying. Men may not understand that, especially if there is no tangible reason to cry. He is likely to think that you are overreacting.
So, instead of being sympathetic, he will dismiss you. Not that he is insensitive, but he just can’t see why you should be crying in the first place.
Maintain a Sense of Confidence
As a woman, you can easily get distracted by fear when meeting or no a date with a hot man. You could start thinking about how inadequate you are to meet such a wonderful man. Don’t lose your confidence. That will help you know how to talk to men quickly.
If anything, the man could be as nervous or even worse. When a man finds you hot, he is likely to lose his confidence. He also might be struggling to voice himself.
So, relax! What you have is a simple conversation with a man. No one says you should marry him! If possible, that can be your last meeting. So, don’t try to be perfect. Try to maintain a sense of confidence.
Whether you end up together or not, it’s going to be okay.
Project Positive Body Language
Your body language may say much more than you are speaking. As the man is talking, nod your head to show you agree with what he is saying. Once in a while, lock your eyes with his.
According to webmd.com, the gesture can help to build trust between the two of you and enhance communication. However, don’t overdo it. Another great non-verbal communication cue is a simple smile.
The contagious nature of a smile is likely to lighten up the conversation and create a more reliable connection. You could also seek to mirror what the man is doing. When he lifts a drink to his mouth, do the same.
Some of the non-verbal cues to avoid include licking your lips, slouching, touching your lips, and arms across your chest. These gestures are not just cynical, but they can also communicate disinterest.
Maintain a Sense of Mystery
Women tend to be chattier than men. They say anything and everything that comes to their minds. That can be a problem, especially if you start revealing everything about yourself to a stranger you have just met.
The best way to talk to men is to hold back some aspects of your life. It will make the man do everything to know you. If you reveal everything now, what will you talk about in the future?
Give him a reason to ask you for your number. Then you can go out together. Men like it when you reveal small bits about yourself. The first time you meet, don’t tell him more than your name.
No man will want to date you if you tell him you are a divorced single mother the first time. So, hold back. As he gets to know you better, start revealing some intimate details about yourself.
Talk about Your Passions
Are you passionate about anything? Tell your man about it. Talk about your love for basketball, Pilates, reading, and so on.
According to yourtango.com, most men will find women with passions attractive. It doesn’t have to be something he likes or is interested in. The fact that you are pursuing something meaningful is enough to make a man attracted to you.
Explain to him why you find basketball so fascinating. Do you play it professionally or as a pastime? Why do you like hiking in the mountains? When did you develop your love for snorkeling?
As you reveal these things about yourself, you unintentionally give the guy an idea about your next date. Don’t be surprised if he asked you out for a basketball game at the weekend.
To make it fun, ask him to tell you about his passions. You might discover many things you have in common.
Ask Questions during a Date
With the right questions, you can start a conversation with virtually any man. You can start with general questions at your first meeting.
Ask what he thinks about where he lives. Find out how he is handling the harsh weather, and so on. When you meet on subsequent dates, you may ask more personal questions.
Find out how his childhood was. How does he find his job? Does he have any pets? One scientific study found inquisitive people to be more desirable in the eyes of those with whom they hold conversations.
However, you shouldn’t ask questions for the sake of it. Use follow-up questions to show the man that you are really listening to him. Possibly, he will also ask you questions if he is interested in you.
That way, you will avoid having a session in which you appear to be interrogating him.
Avoid Dwelling on Past Relationships
You want to start or maintain a relationship with the man, don’t you? Then why should you waste time talking about your ex?
If a relationship ended, the best place to put it is in the past. Sustained reference to your ex only leaves a man with a wrong impression. It shows you haven’t gotten over your ex.
In a Psychology Today article, Dr. Wendy L. Patrick says discussing your ex on a first date is a no-no. It might tell the man how disinterested you are. So don’t waste time glorifying or vilifying your past flames.
Instead, concentrate on the man in front of you. Ask him questions, respond to his, use the right body language, and so on. If you keep chasing your past partners, you might end up without any.
Steer Clear Of Discussions about Money
To know how to talk to men, one of the most significant topics to avoid is talking about money. No matter how tempting it might be, don’t ask him his monthly salary.
Don’t tell him how much debt you have. These are issues that can only be discussed once the two of you have decided to enter into a relationship. It could be you want a guy who earns more than you.
However, you don’t have to ask him. You will only come off as a gold-digger. If anything, the amount of money a man makes shouldn’t be the only consideration for starting a relationship with him.
So, work on knowing the man first. Check that the two of you have established chemistry. If you are happy with his looks and personality, then nothing else should matter.
Practice a Lot
Are you entering the dating scene for the first time? Or, has it been long before you were in a relationship with a man? You are likely not to have an idea about what it takes to talk to a man.
So, settle down and practice. We are not suggesting that you start talking to yourself in public places.
Instead, practice the skills we have discussed with the men you meet from time to time. You don’t need to have an interest in a man to try and see if your communication skills work on him.
The more you try, the better you will become. When you finally meet a man you want to date, you are likely to wow him with your communication skills. You will be sure of the gestures that can turn men on.
It will be possible for you to ask the right questions. Importantly, you will be more confident in your own skin.
It is possible to learn how to talk to men. As already alluded to, the first step is to establish a rapport between the two of you.
Once you start reading from the same page, you can begin to engage in more in-depth conversations. It doesn’t have to be all about serious topics. Throw into the conversations some humor, and use positive body language.
However, not all issues are alright. For example, avoid talking about money or discussing your ex. That will make you appear disinterested in the man. Importantly, don’t forget to practice.
Investing your time and mind into it is going to see you reap the dividends of a thriving relationship.
is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author.
Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.