When two people come together in a marriage contract, there is bound to have issues arise.
Common marriage problems are called ‘common’ because differences will arise when people who have different life experiences share them in close proximity. But all is not lost because just like a common cold, you can treat the symptoms at home.
Differences may never be erased, but as we shall see, they can be incorporated harmoniously in a relationship and make it better instead of bitter.
Mort Fertel, the owner of the marriage fitness website has a proven step by step relationship changing system that has success stories.
A system of relationship habits is put in place that shifts the momentum of your marriage which proves that differences may never go away, but problems can be neutralized. I want to share with you
12 Common Marriage Problems And Solutions
Many people would argue that money is the number one problem in a marriage, but it actually is communication. It is through this age-old medium of relating that you ended up in marriage. So if this machine is not well-oiled, your marriage will not progress.
“When the marriage is fresh off the oven, and the flowers from the reception have not yet wilted, people are still referring to your wedding in a nostalgic way, more often than not, a couple is what is referred to as the ‘honeymoon’ stage”. According to Rev. Elizabeth Ritzman, a licensed clinical professional counselor, this stage lasts around 6months to 2 years.
The only way to revive those sweet moments is to consciously cultivate for them.
Take time out
Intentionally pick a day during the week, go for a walk, go for dinner or a movie and rekindle that dying fire.
Ask about someone’s day. If your spouse is a stay at home parent, don’t assume his/her day was humdrum. You will be surprised that while you were in the office working, he/she came up with a sensible improvement for your family or run into someone important.
Even the most careless spender or thriftier has personal ideas on what to do with money, and no grown person wants to be asked what they are doing with their money. Jane Honeck, the author of ‘The Problem with Money?’ sums it up when she says that talking about money doesn’t come naturally.
Talk about money
Tell your spouse your expectations of them as the better half. Although this should take place way before you walk down the aisle. Money is an issue that can’t be skirted. Let it be known what you expect and let your spouse tell you what he/she expects.
There is a little princess that exists in all women, whether they are aware of it or not. This is why most girls who get married young, have unrealistic expectations about their spouse. There is that belief that your husband should take care of you in every way. However, in marriage, bills are real.
According to Dr. Phil, a well-renowned counselor, one should not live a fairy tale. One should be realistic about the money one has. If you don’t go the housewife way, you can relieve the bills tension on your husband by chipping in and all in all, relieve tension in your marriage.
3. Loss of Intimacy
The bedroom spark must constantly be ignited, otherwise, you risk living with your brother or sister. Lack of intimacy is a common marriage problem that no one thinks will happen to them. When the relationship is just beginning, a couple can’t keep their hands off each other, but as time goes, the fire dies out or let’s just say familiarity starts breeding contempt.
An article written by Kalman Heller, states that both the man and the woman need to have sex as it brings them closer. Women are advised to stop using the lack of emotional closeness to the husband as an excuse not to be intimate with the spouse.
If your husband or wife is not feeling so good about themselves, you can easily tell. It may usually be in their gait, in their words and even in the way they dress. After giving birth, sex becomes tedious and unnecessary because it keeps reminding the woman of how she has changed biologically.
However, it needs not to be so. Boosting self-esteem, either by the significant other or doing something that increases your self-worth might see the bolder you restored. It is a well-known fact and numerous articles have been written to support the fact that confidence is sexy. To boost that self-esteem and you will be fighting your spouse off you!
Change is the only constant thing in the world. Don’t expect to be married to someone for forever and expect the fire to be ignited just one way for the next fifty years or so. Try out something new in your bedroom, if it fails, at least you will have a good laugh!
As much as good friends can do a person well, so can bad friends or bad advice from good friends with good intentions do your marriage a big harm.
The adage, too many cooks spoil the broth actually fits perfectly well in trying to solve a marriage issue between couples.
As we said in the beginning, people come from different backgrounds and are supposed to marry their different backgrounds and cultures.
Learn who not to talk to
Learn not to betray your spouse’s confidence. You may forgive and get back together but what you told your friend Mary about your husband John will never leave Mary’s mind. She may lose respect for your husband and you will be left trying to make John look good while you already tarnished him.
If you belong to a church, talk to a pastor whom you feel you can confide in or look for a mature balanced person who will be objective on your issues.
5. Lack of Boundaries
Having close friends of the opposite sex is another no-no in a marriage. It triggers fantasies and emotional entanglement that should not be there at all. According to Willard F. Harley, the author of ‘Marriage Builders’, friends pose the greatest risk for infidelity.
Emotional infidelity is another thing that many couples tend to think is not harmful. Nevertheless, getting too close to a member of the opposite sex more than your spouse that is technically cheating. Endeavor to make your spouse your best friend and you will not be crossing that line for infidelity.
In most couples, the arrival of their mini selves is what totally clears out the honeymoon stage. Diapers, sleepless nights, overstretched budgets become the norm of the day.
One of the major common marriage problems after children is that communication is reduced to questions and answers and mostly about the baby. So you realize you are living in the same house with someone and you no longer know them.
Spouses should cultivate the habit of putting each other first in marriage before the kids. Charles J. Orlando, author of The Problem with Women…is Men says “It’s that the marriage is the backbone of the house and everyone needs to see and feel it.”
If you look at a marriage candidly, those children you dote over your spouse will grow up possibly leave your home, leaving you with the spouse you ignored all that time.
Most people forget to mesh their religious lives before they say ‘I do’. It’s usually no problem until the family begins to form with the arrival of new family members. One spouse may desire to raise their kids the same way he/she was raised and this usually ends in people locking heads if it’s not solved.
This is usually a complicated situation because people feel so deeply when it comes to religion and hence this is an issue tackled by most before marriage. However, we are not blind to the fact that people may change and want new things.
The solution is either the other converts for a more harmonious union or they agree to disagree but maintain their family values.
Couples should learn to put each other first. In the article ‘How healthy couples deal with their in-laws’ Margarita Tartakovsky says healthy couples set clear boundaries with their in-laws. This gives the relationship between the couple and the respective in-laws some respect while dealing with each other.
Most couples feel as long as they are providing for their family, it’s enough to input in their marriage. So people climb the corporate ladder at the expense of their marriages.
Balance is required if your marriage is not to suffer. Most have moved away from their families in an effort to make an extra dollar, but wake up to lonely lives or broken marriages except with numerous accolades.
Money should be made, but not at the expense of relationships. Compromises must be made, either the other couple relocates to suit the new job or the job is turned down.
10. Taking each other for granted
When couples get together at first, there is a lot of putting the best foot forward but with time, couples know each other very well. Sometimes a spouse uses this knowledge to downplay the abilities of the other party and even to some extent kill their dreams.
Consciously nurture each other’s dreams. Don’t while away your evenings by just sitting in front of your screen, nothing against your TV, but no one feels the urge to communicate when there is someone doing all the talking on TV.
Notice each other’s small changes, find out if they still think their dreams are valid and help them ignite the fire back and it watches the fire spreading through your marriage!
11. Destructive lifestyles
Lifestyles that form addictive behaviors can destroy the very foundation of marriage which is trust. If a spouse feels they cannot depend on the other for something because they are too engaged in addictive activities.
Behaviors like gambling, drunkenness and the likes will usually bring about dishonesty and cause a lot of pain in the marriage.
Every destructive behavior should not be used as an excuse to deal with issues. Confronting issues upfront will enable one not to pile up issues.
Every human being valued being respected. Issues should be dealt with in an adult manner. Outbursts of anger and insults do more harm than good in dealing with issues.
Learn to walk away from hurtful arguments and deal with issues when feeling calmer. Note that issues should not be swept under the carpet, but dealt with when both parties are not feeling so confrontational
These are common marriage problems and solutions; however, marriage is a beautiful thing when the differences are used for the good and for the progress of the marriage.
Differences should not be the reason for pain, but they should be used to build each other up in a positive way, after all, two heads are better than one!
Images courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net