You and your partner are constantly fighting but you just cannot put a finger on a solution to your issues. Suggestions to try marriage counseling doesn’t seem to sit well with your partner.
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According to a study done by Purdue University, convincing your partner to accompany you to a counseling session is almost an effort in futility. But you have to keep trying.
Once your partner has agreed to a marriage counseling session, next comes the preparation stage. This involves coming up with possible questions that the marriage counselor is likely to ask you. You will be prepared for the likely conversation and also avoid a possible brain freeze.
According to The Marriage Counseling Workbook by Cook Emily, emotions will run high during counseling sessions. When that happens, you will could forget the things you wanted to address.
The following are 25 marriage counseling questions you should prepare for before going for therapy:
What Issues Do We Have?
Even though you are in the same marriage, the things that matter to you may not be important to your partner. This creates the potential conflicts that marriage counseling needs to focus on. Sit down and discuss the issues.
Have your spouse make a contribution on what he or she considers to be the main issues in the relationship. Then come up with possible solutions to the issues you might have identified.
For instance, your spouse may accuse you of never listening when she talks. It is possible to find a solution by talking less, listening more or letting go of other activities that could have been distracting you. However, you cannot find plausible solutions before learning what the issues are.
What Are The Most Important Issues?
Not every issue carries the same weight. In every marriage, there are issues of greater importance than others. Ask your partner to talk about the issues he or she thinks are top of the list. Since it takes two to tango, also raise the issues you consider to be of the most significance.
Once these issues are on the table, you can work together to find the right solutions. As you go out for marriage counseling, you don’t want to be surprised when these issues come up.
When Did The Issues Begin?
In your list of marriage counseling questions, you should ask where the rain begun beating the two of you. Did it begin with an innocent trip, a major decision, or a new friend you made?
Before you can get back on the right track, you must find out where the discordance started. That way, you can retrace your steps and go back to a time when your relationship was stronger.
What Do You Love Most About Each Other?
While most couples tend to dwell on the negatives, it is easier to look at the relationship in a new light if you focus on the positives. What’s the reason you fell in love with each other? Could it be that you still like a lot about each other? These marriage counseling questions will help you know if there’s hope for a stronger relationship.
Are You Considering A Divorce?
It could be you are thinking the relationship cannot go on anymore. Where the two of you are considering divorce, make it a central part of your marriage counseling questions. Unless you have settled on divorce, it is important to seek the help of a counselor to save the marriage.
As you know, divorce can be long-drawn and very expensive. You have to be absolutely sure that this is the path you want to go before you try. However, if you still think the relationship can work, work on it.
Is It A Bad Phase You Are Grappling With?
Every relationship goes through phases. It is, therefore, possible to fall out of love if things in your relationship aren’t going well. You need to sit down and analyze your relationship.
Are things as bad as they seem or are simply going through a phase? That’s definitely a marriage counseling question that would interest even the professional.
What Are Your True Feelings About The Relationship?
It is possible for the two of you to have very different views about the relationship. While you have hope of rebuilding the marriage, your partner could have given up all hope. If you manage to convince your partner to accompany you to a marriage counseling, then the relationship can be salvaged.
That’s advice according to Jonathan D. Holmes in Counsel for Couples. One of the most important counseling questions is finding out what each of you think about the relationship.
What Annoys You Most About Your Partner?
Neither you nor your partner is perfect. As such there are things about each other that will always annoy you. While they may not always result in divorce, major issues like not trusting each other can destroy the bond in the marriage. This is one of the important marriage questions, especially if you want to what each of you should change.
How Do You Love Your Partner?
One of the most important marriage counseling questions is finding out if your partner loves you. As you live together, romantic love is likely to wane. However, love between married partners is much more than that. If both of you still have feelings for each other, salvage the marriage by working on it. If your partner no longer cares, that could be signs of trouble.
Do You Trust Each Other?
Trust is the glue that binds married partners together. When trust is broken, it is impossible to keep the relationship intact.
However, both of you need to make an effort to rebuild trust. Perhaps you may want to learn Mort Fertel’s 3 pillars of trust.
What Relationship History Do You Share?
One thing you must find out about your relationship is how far you have come. Where did it all begin? How long have you stayed together? Do you have children? What dreams do you share? Do you share any personal beliefs and values? What cultural or religious differences do you have that could lead to conflict? Asking these marriage counseling questions can be helpful in rekindling the spark you once had.
How Can You Regain Each Other’s Trust?
To regain trust, you must be willing to forgive each other. Perhaps your partner sees you negatively because of what you did.
To regain trust, talk about the reasons for your actions. Ask your partner to forgive you and explain your resolve never to repeat the mistake. Let your spouse do the same.
Is Your Intimacy Satisfactory?
One of the key marriage counseling questions to ask is how the two of you feel about your chemistry. When intimacy dies, you and your partner may stray into other relationships.
However, it is possible to rekindle the chemistry in the relationship through marriage counseling and sharing fantasies. So says Kathleen Mates in Couples Therapy Workbook.
Are You In Another Relationship?
It could be that you or your spouse is considering divorce. Could it be that you are seeing someone else? What about your partner? Could he or she have found love elsewhere? If that’s true, then an important counseling question is to ask what’s missing in the relationship. Given how hard it is to catch a cheating partner, it is possible that you have no clue what your spouse is doing behind your back.
Have You Ever Thought Of Having An Affair?
This is among the toughest marriage counseling questions you can ever ask. However, it is important. Given the rate at which married couples are cheating on each other, it is better if you know what’s happening. If the thought of cheating has ever crossed your partner’s mind, find out.
What Do You Expect From Counseling?
There is need to find out from your partner what he or she thinks should be the result of the marriage counseling session. Does your partner share your expectations of salvaging the marriage? If “yes”, then it is possible for the two of you to overcome the pesky issues and rebuild the relationship.
Why Do You Want To Work On The Relationship?
Not that there is anything sinister, but you need to know why your partner wants to make your marriage work? If your spouse says he or she wants to rebuild commitment and love, then there is hope for the relationship.
However, it the answer has to do with sharing bills or holding together for the sake of the children, there might be nothing much you can do about the relationship.
What Past Conflicts Do You Need To Resolve?
Rebuilding relationships in the face of unresolved conflicts if nearly impossible. No matter how much you try to surpass it, the past will always come up in any future arguments.
Getting close to your spouse when you are still angered by their actions is impossible. That’s why asking if there are pending unresolved issues in one of the key marriage counseling questions.
Are You Ready To Communicate With Each Other?
Effective communication is one of the pillars of a working relationship. If you are not comfortable talking to each other, it can be impossible to resolve problems in the future.
Learn how to improve communication between the two of you without getting angry or judgmental. This is the view of Marcus Kusi and his wife Ashley Kusi in they book Communication in Marriage.
What is One Past Misdeed You Wish You Could Change?
No one is perfect. After living together for a long time, it is possible you have made a lot of mistakes. Ask each other if there is anything they did and wish they could change. One of the biggest issues affecting relationship is the quilt that partners carry from their past.
Once you start speaking about such issues, the possibility of healing becomes more realistic. Not only will be able to take note of how far you have come but you have the opportunity to start afresh.
How Accepted Do You Feel?
It is important to know if your partner feels accepted and loved by you. One thing that makes for a stronger relationship is when you can support and accept each other.
As such, the relationship will suffer if your partner feels unappreciated. Once you know the truth, rebuild the relationship by finding ways to appreciate your partner.
What Memory About The Relationship Do You Truly Cherish?
Relationships have vicissitudes. One way of getting back up is realizing when you are down. However, it is also important to recall the times when things were looking up. This is definitely one of the marriage counseling questions that’s bound to change things for the better.
What Are Your Future Expectations About The Relationship?
Question each other about the expectations you have for the future. Do you see each other in that future? Or is your future more about individual dreams and hopes. If both of you are thinking of a future together, then the relationship will definitely stand.
Have We Done All It Takes?
Just because you are seeking marriage counseling does not mean you have done all it takes. In fact, you are only starting to do something about the relationship. That’s why asking if you have done what it takes is one of the most important marriage counseling questions. Look back on the reason you ever feel in love with each other. Talk about how you can rekindle that feeling.
What Changes Or Improvements Are You Willing To Make?
Your relationship will only work if you are willing to work on the marriage. Both of you must be willing to make changes or improvements for the sake of the relationships.
One of the key marriage counseling questions would be finding out if your spouse is willing to expend themselves to make the marriage stronger. Are you equally prepared to make sacrifices?
Before you seek marriage counseling, you need to be sure of what you are going to say. The questions listed above can prepare you for a smooth session.
You don’t want to find out some key things about your spouse while seated in front of the counselor. So work on these relationship questions before the session.
is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author.
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