Can you turn around a marriage that is heading for the rocks into an intimate and a happy one in just a month? Trust you, me that this is possible with the 31-day marriage challenge. You were probably warned that marriage is not always a walk in the park before you got into it.
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However, you might have assumed that yours would be exceptional. ?Nothing will be so hard,’ you thought, furthermore, you guys love each other.
Fast forward to the present day, here you are now buried in the trenches of never-ending shopping lists, the hustle of paying off your mortgage, work stress, taking care of your children’s needs, or even getting your masters. With so much to do, hardly do you have room for romance and intimacy.
You can’t remember the last time you had sex or did anything exciting? You are now just sharing a house with your partner and paying bills together. If you are facing such as a challenge in marriage, trust me you are not alone. With the 31-day marriage challenge, you can you truly turn the tides in your marriage for the better by doing something extra each day.
Day 1: Start By Changing Yourself
You might start this 31-day journey together with your partner in order to overcome your challenge in marriage. However, understand that the only person you can change is yourself. Consequently, you can bring the right change into your marriage by becoming the best version of yourself.
You have to put in work on the individual level for you to get the desired results. Ask yourself, “what should I do to make this marriage happier, exciting and stronger?” Do and be exactly that.
Day 2: Learn To Give Without Expecting Anything Back
When people get into a relationship, they are often looking at what their partner has to offer. We often have the business mentality where we aspire to get the most while giving as little as possible. Give your relationship 80% and only expect 20% in return.
Forget about the 50/50 division of responsibilities and duties. Be the one who says sorry first, the one who calls first. Focus on doing the right things even when your partner is not doing what they should. A good marriage isn’t about having your needs met, but loving and serving your spouse without expecting the same.
Day 3: Have A Lot of Sex
With so much to do, sex and intimacy tend to fall at the back seat. When your bedroom affairs have hit the rut, the challenge in marriage grows much bigger.
When you are sexually frustrated, the arguments tend to be plenty and quite intense. However, when you have plenty of sex, your life will be filled with more quick kisses, flirting, silly teases, and friendly moments.
Day 4: Sit next to each other at social setups especially on restaurant tables.
Avoid seating across or rather facing each other. Though this position enables you to maintain eye contact, it is usually an aggressive stance. This is the typical setup when sitting for an interview, and it is usually not a very comfortable position.
So when you are out for dinner, consider sitting side by side. This way, instead of playing the under the table footsie, you can slide your arms around each other or even touch their knee. You can as well whisper sweet words in their ear and also dive in for the unexpected kiss.
Day 5: Touch as often as possible.
This can usually have a dramatic effect on the quality of your marriage. They say that touch has healing capacity.
This is especially true when it comes from someone you love. It stimulates the release of the oxytocin hormone that improves mood and makes you generally happy.
Day 6: Reminisce about your early dating days.
You need to approach this the right way. Avoid talking of the past in a wistful sense that implies that you are not happy about your current status. Just refer to it as part of the appreciation of your love journey.
Reminding your partner about how they went out of their way to make you happy will make them feel appreciated. Moreover, they will be flattered that you remember the details. The mere thought of those good moments will bring you closer and might motivate you to reinvent the good old days in new ways.
Day 7. Greet each other like besties.
Picture this, when you meet your best friend, how do you act? Let’s start with what you don’t do. You don’t just say a bland ‘Hi,’ or jump right into a to-do list. You are genuinely excited to see them. My bye you give him/her such a warm hug followed up by a compliment or even a joke.
It is usually hard to get overly excited about seeing your spouse since you get to be with them every day. However, you can make a conscious decision to greet each other with enthusiasm in the morning or when you get home from work. You might be surprised how this small marriage challenge can steer your relationship in the right direction.
Day 8: Hug and kiss slightly longer each day.
With time, the hugs and kisses become swift and mechanical. Such kind of kisses lacks physical intimacy. On the other hand, long kisses and tight embraces trigger the release of Oxytocin, a feel-good hormone brought about by intimate contact. Extending the length of time you kiss and hug, is a sure way to rekindle your connection and handle your challenge in marriage.
Day 9: Meet each other’s friends.
If you haven’t been actively bonded with each other’s friends, it is time to start doing so. Occasional group outings are the best way to achieve this. By meshing well with each other’s social circles, you get to relate with your spouse on a new level.
This is when they are in their most natural and relaxed element, an aspect that can enhance a facet of your lives. Couple friends can also help you address some challenges you are going through.
Day 10: Complement Each Other.
I know you always shoot a compliment about how her butt looks great on those shorts or how he looks a decade younger on those jeans. This is really great. However, in this case, we are talking about being more specific and genuine with your compliments.
For instance, if you appreciate how he helps you around the house, please do point it out. Moreover, if she is really good with the kids, point out how much of a great mother she is and how you appreciate that fact. There are myriad of other honest compliments you can use in this marriage challenge to make your relationship better.
Day 11: Love yourself too.
It is not possible to give love if you don’t love yourself. Loving yourself means giving yourself a break and also taking time to compliment and to take care of yourself. Stand in front of the mirror, and give yourself a thumbs up for the amazing qualities you have.
You should also give yourself a compliment for the effort you’ve invested in your relationship including getting this far in this marriage challenge. Moreover, take a break from your daily routine and go out with your friends. This will give you time to re-energize and also to miss your partner.
Day 12: Allow your spouse alone time to hang with their pals.
Just as you need your time to hang with your friends, so does your spouse. Don’t try to make him/her feel guilty of leaving you at home to go spend some quality time with his/her friends.
Moreover, don’t keep on checking on him after every other minute. Having separate social lives to a great extent is good for your marriage as well.
Day 13: Learn the art and the science of listening.
Yes, it is called an art and science, since listening seems so easy yet so hard for a lot of people to do. More often than not, we listen to respond and not to hear. However, you need to learn to listen without giving advice.
Men are guiltier of this because they are naturally problem solvers. Sometimes, just let her spill out and vent her frustrations and when she is done, she might be open for advice.
Day14: Regard each other highly.
Even when your spouse is not present, speak highly of them. Ladies often vent out to their family members and friends about fights they have with their husband. When you make a habit of it, your friends and family might develop a negative attitude towards your spouse.
Eventually, you might forgive him, but your friends and family might not. Do not spill your personal problems to your family or social circle because it will make matters worse over time.
Day 15: Go a whole day without correcting your partner.
When you settle into the marriage, and excitement of the attraction phase starts to fade, problems start to emerge. Now you are arguing about everything and anything. The things you don’t like about your partner become more apparent.
Thus you might make habit of commenting and correcting your partner about some things you think they are not doing right. When this is done one too many times, it can become irritating. Try to overlook some of the minor issues because they will go a long way in giving you both some peace of mind.
Day 16: Play together.
No matter how stressful life can be, always remember to unleash your silly and childish side of you with your spouse. This can be through playing videogames, go-karting, darts, swimming or any other kind of sports or activity.
Even if you are bad at it, you can laugh about it. Such childlike moments will help you create bonds and memories that will last a lifetime.
Day 17: Do walks together.
There is nothing more refreshing than a breath of fresh air. Moreover, walking in the same direction gives you a sense of being a team and thus can be a good time to address any challenge in marriage you might have.
This is because you are mentally in sync thus you are less likely to confront each other.
Day 18: Hold hands.
This marriage challenge can help you reminisce about your early dating days when holding hands used to come naturally.
Take the opportunity to hold hands when walking, standing or even when seated on a couch. This not only raises your intimacy levels but also helps sooth each other during stressful times.
Day 19: Cook together.
This is another great activity you can do as a couple because it fosters teamwork and cooperation. Moreover, cooking is a sensory experience, that helps you bond. It can also be a fun activity by challenging each other to cook something out of the ordinary.
Day 20: Leave a special note.
You can leave such a note in their lunch box, wallet, purse or anywhere else your partner can find it when you are not around.
Even better, show some gratitude for something he/she did or said, which will instantly spike their level of happiness.
Day 21: Fight fairly.
This is one of the greatest challenge in marriage because most people fight or ague to win. In the process, you end up hurting your partner by being manipulative.
In this marriage challenge you should introduce a “take it back” code when you say something you didn’t mean. This will help you focus or arguing about a problem and not against each other.
Day 22: Surprise each other with small gifts.
This could be a bouquet of flowers, a surprise dinner, buying him his favorite drink, or even taking her out to a coveted event.
This will go a long in making your partner feel loved and appreciated and can effectively solve a challenge in marriage.
Day 23: Stimulate your partner sexually indirectly.
Touch need not necessarily be sexual. Hold hands when you are going for a walk. Give him a kiss on the cheek or anywhere else when making your morning coffee. Hug his arm when waiting for the bus.
Send a naughty text when he/she is at work. There are numerous other points of contact you can exploit subtly throughout the day. This will also get your mind subconsciously fired up for more intimate experience later in the day.
Day 24: Have sex even when you don’t feel like it.
Try to have sex even when you are not feeling like it. More often than not, you will be thankful that you made the effort to. There is nothing better than knowing that despite the bad, the good, and the ugly of the day, you and your partner always prioritize and are there for each other.
Even a 5-minute quickie in the middle of the day can build a greater intimate moment than any other experience you’ve had in years.
Day 25: Get in a deep conversation with all electronics turned off.
Our phones, TVs and other electronics grab our attention so much that we barely have time to have a meaningful conversation and to bond.
Spend an hour each day in conversation with your partner without any distractions. The marriage challenge can effectively solve a lot of your problems which are brought about by poor communication.
Day 26: Be prudent with finances.
Financial related issues are among the leading causes of divorce. Make financial related decisions together, which includes spending money wisely and saving for investments.
A great strategy is to have a joint account for bills and investment, and also have individual accounts for personal play and investments. Most importantly, don’t have financial secrets.
Day 27: Go out together.
Though you don’t need to go out together every time, doing it often enough strengthens your bond. This includes going on holidays without your children in tow.
Also, don’t do the same things all the time. Try a picnic, go camping, or even attend a local event.
Day 29: Schedule interesting date nights.
Forget about going to the usual restaurant. Do something different and interesting during your date night.
This could be a simple as watching a movie about relationships and then discuss it. Your imagination is you limit here.
Day 30: Have some quiet time.
You really don’t need to be all over each other or to keep following your partner around like a puppy.
Give each other some quiet time to unwind; whether it is just a few minutes or an hour.
Day 31: Learn to forgive.
Accept that sometimes you’ll do or say some things that will offend or hurt your partner. Learn to say sorry and also to forgive without holding grudges.
Lack of forgiveness is a challenge in the marriage that causes a lot of them to break.
The 31-day Marriage Challenge.
This challenge is recommended for anyone who has been married for more than a year even if you think your marriage is happy. This is because relationships gradually evolve as the two of you grow. Some of the things you thought were cute about your partner now become irritating.
This challenge will help you get back on track in new awesome ways. The beauty of this challenge is that the little positive things you do day to day basis are what count the most.