Intimacy is a necessary ingredient in any successful marriage. According to dictionary.com, intimacy simply means “close, familiar and usually affectionate and loving personal relationship with the other person.”
Like every other thing you can mention in a relationship, intimacy requires a little bit of effort on the part of the married couple. It’s usually a fun and most rewarding kind of work, so take heart.
By working to improve the sense of connections, feelings of trust, and mutual respect typically increase. The moment you can get those cornerstones in their right places, it will be remarkable and overwhelming how much easier it becomes to resolve conflicts of any nature.
According to Wallerstein and Blakeslee’s wonderful book titled, “The Good Marriage” (1995), they note “For everyone, in their research group, happiness in a marriage meant feeling respected and cherished.”
Here are 21 ways to become more intimate with your partner. Start today and begin to apply these principles, and by this time next month, you will be making the neighbors jealous.
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#1: Spend Time Together
Most assume because you live in the same house with someone, that you are actually spending time with your loved one. This is a lie perpetuated in mind considering nowadays most people are almost cranking their neck, with the perpetual behavior of social media.
There is this article in familylife.com that talks about 4 ways to avoid being a social media marriage casualty that gives a very interesting statistic, that a third of all divorce filings contain the word Facebook. So it’s obvious that social media has replaced face to face relationships.
#2: Do Things Together
It’s a great thing to emotionally intimate with your spouse. It creates shared experiences in the marriage which work to strengthen the bond between a husband and the wife. Common experiences between two people have a way of making people be of one mind.
Out of the shared experiences, you get to know and understand each other’s cues. “The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship”– Jackie Kennedy.
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#3: Maintain Eye Contact
Great eye contact gives the impression that your partner’s words are important to you. Most importantly, it shows you both interest in intimacy and affection.
#4: Be Sensitive
Sensitivity is a two-way street. Many women complain of their men not being sensitive, forgetting marriage like any other relationship is a give and take. So if you want sensitivity, make sure you are already giving what you are asking for.
Notice the small changes, the frowns, and the quietness and wisely draw your spouse out without judgment or accusation. By so doing, you might actually save your marriage from adultery.
#5: Show Gratitude
Always express gratitude for the little or much your partner is doing for you. Don’t assume that it’s their duty to do something because you said yes to the ring or because she is the mother of your kids.
Say thank you for that glass of water she brought you, for him fixing the leakage tap. These are the little but very effective rules that glue and improve your marriage intimacy.
#6: Go On Dates
Life’s busy schedule should not be used as an excuse not to date your spouse once in a while. Make out time at least once a month if not a week and reconnect just the two of you. Get a sitter for the kids, turn down an outing with friends, and have a coffee with your spouse.
#7: Cook Together
Cooking together between couples is considered an aphrodisiac because it celebrates the innate sensuality of food itself according to an article on aphrodisiacs on intercourse.com web page.
#8: Eat Together
After cooking, the least you can do is share that meal. In some cultures around the world, wives usually will wait up for their husbands in order to have a meal together. Food has a way of bonding two human beings. In fact, it’s considered a way of acceptance in some parts of the world of someone who invites you to eat with them.
#9: Be Happy
According to Jon Krakauer, on the goodreads.com website, says that “Happiness is ONLY real when shared.” Like light to a month, so is how a happy spouse attracts his/her better half. It is not your spouse’s duty to make you happy. That’s requiring too much of a mere human being.
Let it radiate from within by being at peace with yourself, fretting over every little. You cannot solve the world’s issues, so relax and enjoy your marriage and you will never complain of having no passion in marriage.
#10: Don’t Keep Grudges
With that in mind, a married couple must be mature enough to let go of issues, especially petty issues as quickly as possible. Ruth Bell Graham hit the nail on the head with her famous words, ‘A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers’. Breathe and let it go. Harboring issues and are not only harmful to your marriage but also to your health.
#11: Text or Call during the Day
Don’t get enough of each other. Send each other funny things that you are experiencing while away from each other. Text or call, just because or to wish them a good day.
Let him/her know that you are constantly thinking of them. It shows positive concern and creates a feeling of an intimate relationship.
#12: Take Dancing Lessons
Not only is this fun and intimate, mere taking dancing lessons together will ultimately lead to the two of you going out and practicing what you learned, then returning home electrified in love and intimacy.
#13: Practice Good Communication Skills
Many of us do not know the right way to communicate with our partners. We may say how we feel, but if it’s not in a way that our partner understands, it will likely be misinterpreted or could lead to arguments.
Learning ways to communicate and disagree without causing resentment or anger can make a very big difference in the way you feel each other and emotional closeness. According to brainyquote.com, “Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing”– from Rollo May.
Yes, this actually has a way of improving your interpersonal relationship. Exercising is known to release feel, good hormones known as Endorphins.
If you feel good about yourself, relating with others becomes a joy and injects positive energy into your marriage. A cranky person is no fun at all. You don’t want your hubby or wife to make up non-existent plans just to avoid being with you.
#15: Emotional Intimacy in Marriage
“Real intimacy is only possible to the degree that we can be honest about what we are doing and feeling”–Joyce Brothers. So get intimate emotionally with your spouse. Cuddle and talk once in a while about their dreams, their visions, how far they have gone with it. Your home won’t collapse if you restrain from complaining about bills and dishes once a week and focus on the person you married.
#16: Take About What Hurts You
While letting go of the petty is necessary, major hurts should be addressed in marriage for a harmonious union. The one who errs should not be let off the hook easily, but should be held accountable for their actions.
If a marriage experiences infidelity and total healing are expected, things should not be swept under the carpet, but brought to light and examined. This would be well addressed by a counselor, considering the level of betrayal it brings to the family. The cheating spouse thinks they have apologized, enough while the other struggles with issues of trust.
#17: Develop Friendship
‘Few things tend more to alienate friendship than a want of punctuality in our engagements. I have known the breach of a promise to dine or sup to break up more than one intimacy’ by William Hazlitt, www.brainyquote.com. So put your gadget down and find out your spouse’s day.
There is no special formula for ways to improve intimacy; you have to do the work of relating. A famous quote by Franz Schubert states that ‘Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife’. Friendship outlasts romance and romance can be easily rekindled where the fire of friendship is already burning.
#18: Be a Better Listener
Intimacy is about understanding and appreciating your wife’s desires and interests. Being a better listener means more than not watching TV while she’s talking, it’s about caring enough to ask the questions that will fertilize the conversation.
#19: Pat on the Back Can Really Go a Long Way
‘He does not understand me,’ is a very common complaint with married women. They feel disconnected from their husbands. This is because most women mistake their men for mind readers. But an emotionally intelligent husband can look at his wife and realizes she requires help.
A pat on the back, a meaningful thank you, or just a little effort around the house or with the kids can go a long way in dealing with intimacy issues within a marriage.
One major issue for so many married couples is that their biggest complaint is infrequent sexual connections, mostly due to lack of intimacy– Dr. Fisher, a certified sexuality counselor.
You need to keep the fire burning when it comes to bedroom matters. Physical intimacy in marriage is important as it spills over the other areas of your life in a healthy way. Sex is the only unique thing that differentiates your relationship with your better half from other relations so give attention to it and it will reward your marriage.
#21: Seek Professional Help and Advice
At times couple intimacy issues in marriage go beyond what meets the eye. A lot of underlying issues can best be solved in counseling sessions by professionals and relationship experts. Do not hesitate to seek help if there are things you two may find difficult to face.
The biggest barrier to a good attitude is self. It can be the self-pleasuring of a mate who spends hours looking at online pornography; the self-focus of being too tired or too body-conscious to even make love; or the self-preservation instinct of someone who was molested in their childhood years.
A real healthy sexual relationship must begin with prioritizing relational intimacy above one’s self. www.tolovehonorandvacuum.com. I hope that this article will assist you in regaining the lost passion in your marriage.
Images courtesy of stock images at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
David Smallis the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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