Can Intimacy be Restored in a Marriage?

By David Small •  Updated: 09/14/20 •  8 min read
Intimacy be Restored in a Marriage

Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels

Couple intimacy is something that can establish a kind of frame where security and identity can bring more individualism, in the good sense.

When a couple show love, speak honestly without limitations and enjoy together every aspect of life, these actions also empower sensuality, sexuality, and the orgasmic experience.

However, there are many factors that can be a problem for this dynamic: traumas coming from the early years of age, the daily routine and the excess of work are some of the main factors that can affect couple intimacy.

When sex activity is lost in the couple, that can lead to some problems in the long term that if aren’t caught on time, can end with the separation of the couple.

So, the million dollars question is: Can intimacy be restored in a marriage?

The good news: Yes, it’s possible, but it requires some teamwork.

Why is intimacy lost in marriage?

Some studies show that “marriage with no sex” – along with its variations – is one of the more searched phrases in Google when it comes to marriage in the USA.

In fact, about 12% of married couples don’t have had sex in the last three months, and about 20% don’t have had sex in the last year.

This is something that doesn’t surprise the experts. According to Ian Kerner, a sex therapist from New York and “She Comes First” author, sexual relations are the number one problem of many married couples, especially when the members are above 40 years old.

Human sexuality is something subjected to changes, that’s normal. It evolves naturally as a response to some changes in our body like health conditions, hormonal cycles, and lifestyle.

However, though this is normal, it also leaves many people wondering if their sexual intimacy and marriage are in problems!

So don’t worry, you are not the only one on this.

Let’s see first what are some of the main reasons for this lack of intimacy, according to experts.

Related Article: 15 Ways to Increase Physical Intimacy in the Bedroom.

What are the main reasons why a marriage loses its intimacy?

Pay close attention to this list because it could be that one or more of these factors are affecting your sexual life, so if you act over these factors, it can result in an improvement of your sexual activity…

Health problems

Back pain, arthritis, and depression are among the most frequent health problems after 40, and this can make sex a challenge.

It can be the disease itself that limits sexual activity, or the medication used to treat it. Men have a main worry: erectile dysfunction.


It is more difficult to find time and energy for the workouts after a certain age and due to certain circumstances, so it’s usual that the spouses of both sexes find out they gained some extra weight.

If it happened to you, it’s possible that you don’t have too much energy to have some action on the bed, or maybe you feel you aren’t as attractive as some time ago.

You are tired and bored

Fatigue is a symptom of many other conditions, and it’s usually a secondary effect from taking some medication or from the day-to-day of modern life.

However, if you pass some more time on the bed (sleeping), it might help you a lot with your sexual health because these two factors are closely related.

Besides that, boring is a big problem in marriages with no sex; the daily routine has to do with that because, after 10 or more years together, it might be hard to find new funny things to experiment with as a couple.

Stressful life

Constant stress can make it difficult to have the mind focused to have sex, and it can even produce some hormonal changes that could decrease your libido; it’s like your body were telling you “hey buddy, focus on that big problem instead of on having sex, please!”.

Anger and resentment

Hard emotional content like old resentments, persistent hostility, jealousy, or guilt can also decrease your libido and intimacy considerably.

Some people get upset with their partner due to big problems like infidelity or lies.

It is also important to note this

It’s possible a marriage without intimacy is something odd, but they can be happy; if the couple speaks and they agree to live that way, it could work.

Good communication is essential from the first moment to see if having a marriage without sex – or with little sex – is an option.

According to some experts, the importance we give to marriage intimacy varies from person to person and also depends on the age.

A marriage with no sex or with little sex can also be sustainable and satisfactory if some of the following circumstances are present:

But if you definitively are decided to recover your sexual life in your marriage, then read below the tips we have prepared for you on the topic.

Related Article: 6 Proven Ways To Fix Intimacy Problems In Marriage.


Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Tips to recover intimacy in your marriage

Find out what’s the problem

It is very important that you get some time to speak about the topic of intimacy in your relationship.

Many couples don’t want to face the real problems because they don’t want to deal with those emotions that they sometimes, don’t know how to manage.

You need to speak clearly and honestly about the topic, but that’s only possible if both members want to find a solution.

It’ll be possibly a bit difficult in the first attempts, buy bear in mind that experts always say: “communication is essential in a relationship”.

Make of your marriage, a priority

Find time to be alone together and at least three times per week. This can include:

Whatever activity you like to achieve the goal of being alone and together – forget about including your dog, please.

Create and keep couples rituals

These are habits that you can share together but are unique for each member.

A ritual can be simple or fantastic. These can include for example:

Show regularly and intentionally, the sexual desire

Many people like to feel sensuality before starting a sexual encounter. The reality is that during certain moments of life, you feel sexual desire with different intensity.

So, instead of waiting, you must learn to take turns intentionally and show what each one wants.

The ideal is you do that at least three times per week.

Flirt all the time

When they are dating, many people think that flirting is something very important, so they share together text and multimedia sexual messages, they speak and laugh together for each insignificant thing…

Everything is made with the purpose to attract the other person, but when they get married, they think that flirting isn’t necessary anymore…

That’s a fatal mistake because flirting is a key factor to give new life to the relationship.

Go to therapy

Well, this is something many people don’t want to try for different reasons, but that’s not as bad as you might think.

If you have tried everything, you always have this option: the professional.

The problem is that if you are REALLY BAD in your relationship and you don’t know it, it could be too late to go to therapy. So if you have this among your options, don’t wait too much.

In sexual therapy, the therapist teaches to couple how to do diverse tasks or activities to help them to gradually recover and built a strong relationship in all senses.

A typical sexual therapy can last from 6 to 15 sessions, depending on the topics that need a solution.

Work on it every time

Try new things. Speak about what you like and what you don’t like. Practice more romanticism. Be loving in a regular basis, etc.

It’s a key factor that you understand that having good intimacy in your marriage, is something that requires constant work from both members in the long term.

Think that if you’re both compromised on this, everything will work at the end.

It is important that you understand that if sex is important to one member of the couple, then it’s important for the relationship itself. Both of you must find a way to make time and built a true and honest intimacy, as much as possible. It can report a life full of happiness.

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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