15 Ways To Increase Physical Intimacy In The Bedroom

By David Small •  Updated: 04/20/19 •  12 min read

Physical intimacy is considered a must in the lives of couples, it can be an opportunity to deepen your love and affection with your partner. When physical intimacy in the bedroom is on the low, many things will likely won’t be working as it should.

15 Ways To Increase Physical Intimacy In The Bedroom

Photo by Andreas Fidler on Unsplash

This among other reasons is why we want to give you a dose of this informative article that will help ignite the physical intimacy in your bedroom.

Below are 15 listed ways that will cause an increase in your physical intimacy with your partner in the bedroom.

1. Extended Cuddling

It’s been proven that extended cuddling releases large hits of oxytocin (aka the cuddle hormone/the love hormone). Extended cuddling will not only help increase the physical intimacy with your partner in the bedroom, it will also deal with the stress of the day and also help sleep off immediately without worrying much about things.

Though some people say that reading a book, or scrolling through their Facebook feed makes them drowsy before bed. Well, guess what? Cuddling does that even better than reading, plus it re-connects you with your partner physically and emotionally before you pass out. Bring back the cuddles!

2. Lights Out and Phones Away

You and your partner should ban the use of phones or any distracting device in your bedroom if you want to increase your physical intimacy in the bedroom.  Not only is having zero electronic light in your bedroom fantastic for your sleep hygiene, it’s also great for your relationship.

I know how addictive the dopamine drip of social media can be, but staring at that blue light right before bed is bad news for your love life. (And seriously… having zero electronic light in your bedroom works wonders for the quality of sleep that you’ll be able to get when you switch to candles-only).

Turn your phones off, light a candle or two, and prioritize your connection with your partner for just a few minutes before you doze off. Choosing a phone in the bedroom over one’s partner has caused physical intimacy issues in many marriages. Always keep that phone away in the bedroom.

3. An Exotic Massage will spark Physical Intimacy.

Speaking of touch, sometimes you want lots of it. Maybe you had a rough day. Maybe someone yelled at you (because they were hurting). Your shoulders are sore from trying out a new kind of kick-boxing class that you did earlier in the day.

Whatever your reasons are for wanting to receive or give more touch, massage is a great tool for both connection and relaxation. You don’t need to have taken a class or be masterful at it to give your partner a rub down… just use your words to ask them if they want it harder/softer/gentler/etc and you’ll be on your way to sleepy town in no time.

It is no secret that having a massage can help to improve physical and mental well-being. According to a new study, however, giving your partner a massage may be just as beneficial. Massage is a simple and effective way to improve couples’ well-being. Massaging your partner can boost your well-being, reduce stress and dramatically increase physical intimacy.


Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

4. Sleeping Naked is Good for Physical Intimacy

Sleeping naked has proven health benefits (it regulates cortisol, better for men’s and women’s genital health, better for your skin, etc.) and it also allows you and your partner to have more skin on skin contact, resulting in more oxytocin release. Oxytocin itself has been shown to lower blood pressure and anxiety, while boosting your immune system.

Sleeping naked is good for physical intimacy as your body benefits, your quality of sleep benefits, and your cuddling ability is boosted. Plus, morning sex is that much easier when you both wake up naked! Being naked is where it’s at.

5. Have Sex

One of the best ways that you can re-connect as a couple in the bedroom? Having sex. By having sex, I don’t just mean penetration. Sex comes in many forms, and it will totally depend on you and your partner’s moods day to day. But I am a strong advocate of engaging with each other sexually/intimately to some degree on a nightly basis.

Maybe you make out for a while; while touching each other’s butts. Maybe you hold each other’s face in your hands and list off five things that you love about each other. One or both of you gets a spoiling session. Maybe you engage in oral and penetrative sex for multiple hours in a cyclical, non-linear fashion where you both climax multiple times. The options are limitless!

6. Disclose More to Feel Closer

“Physical intimacy is a process of discovery with another,” writes Joel B. Bennett in Time and Intimacy: A New Science of Personal Relationships. Over time, though, without continued attentiveness, it is easy to lose that urge to keep discovering all there is to know about one another.

Individuals that psychologists have dubbed openers have intimate conversations with others because something about them encourages disclosure. Those who don’t open up or make it easy for others to do so, known as high self-monitors, have a more difficult time with close relationships.


Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

7. Do Not Push for Something That Makes Your Partner Feel Uncomfortable

Experimenting during sex can be a wonderful thing. It’s a great way to expand your horizons as a couple. However, if it’s done without regard for your partner’s feelings, you can end up really hurting him or her.

It’s acceptable to introduce new ideas to your partner, but never, ever try to push your partner into something s/he is reluctant to take part in. Doing so can lead to deep regret, physical intimacy issues, and irreparable damage.

Beyond that if you are going to get more adventurous you need to agree that either of you can call a halt at any point. Agreeing to try something is agreeing to start, it’s not agreeing to go all the way through. If the thing isn’t working you should both have the option to say “this isn’t working can we do something that you both like” that way you still get a pleasant experience and you can talk through what worked and what didn’t afterwards.

8. Separate Sexual Intimacy From Routine

Plan intimacy time and avoid talking about relationship problems and household chores in the bedroom. Sexual arousal plummets when we’re distracted and stressed.

It’s best we understand that physical intimacy in marriage is that sense of being ‘home’ in the presence of your mate, so we better avoid any routine that will try to put asunder in our home.

9. Indulge Your Curiosities and Fantasies

With patience, time, and respect, eventually, you’ll grow more comfortable and confident as a lover. As your love grows as couple, you can start to share your more intimate fantasies (and maybe even act some of them out!)

So long as it is fun, gratifying, and done in a way that maintains the love and respect both partners have for each other, there will never any physical intimacy issues in the marriage.

Physical Intimacy

Photo by Jeremy Banks on Unsplash

10. Go to Bed Together

This seems obvious, but with the demands of work (and childcare, if you have children), many couples don’t have the opportunity to go to bed at the same time. Going to bed together isn’t just a chance to have sex (though it’s that too!), it’s an opportunity to confide in your significant other, building the intimate bond between the two of you.

Many of a couple’s most honest, candid conversations happen in bed, as it’s one part of the day where it’s virtually guaranteed that no one else is around. Giving up this special time means giving up a great chance for physical intimacy.

If your schedule simply doesn’t allow you to go to bed at the same time as your partner, try at least to spend some time in bed together – before your partner gets out of bed, for instance. Also, have some way for your partner to signal you that s/he is in the ‘mood’ so that you can make sure to be in bed with him or her when it counts.

11. Kiss Passionately

If your kisses have moved to pecks, bring back the passion that comes from a good kiss or make-out session. Kissing can contribute to improving physical intimacy, especially in long-term relationships. Couples who kiss more frequently report higher levels of relationship satisfaction.

Give your partner different kinds of kisses. For example, kiss on the lips, on the cheek, neck, hand, and other parts of the body (that won’t lead to having sex). Passionate kisses increase physical intimacy in marriage, and it also be used to settle scores when things are not going right. When partners kiss, they forget all the wrong the other may have done.

12. Look at Old Photographs Together

Take a trip down memory lane and open yourself up to exposing a younger version of yourself to your partner. Looking at pictures of your childhood and the people that were important to you is a very intimate act.

When you discuss the things that mattered to you and the events and people that led you to become who you are, you reveal a lot of vulnerabilities to your partner.

Show your partner around your hometown and talk about memories from growing up. Then, ask them to do the same for you. Family stuff can be difficult to discuss, but try to answer all of their questions.

15 Ways To Increase Physical Intimacy In The Bedroom

photo by Ana Maria Moroz on pexels

13. Try Intimate Touching

You might not want to have sex, but there are sexual activities that you can do together that involve many of the same feelings and sensations without the actual act. For example, touch each other, kiss each other’s bodies, and lick each other. These actions can allow you to be intimate, without worrying about some of the consequences of sex itself.

Talk about your comfort level with your partner. If you are purposefully abstaining from sex, then create specific boundaries for relating in a physically intimate way. For example, you may be comfortable kissing but not taking your clothes off. This will help tackle any physical intimacy issues

14. Breathing Connection Exercise

Physical intimacy in a relationship often begins to slide because life gets so hectic and stressful. This means that you can boost your connection by doing relaxing, calming things that slow you both down. Listening to mindfulness recordings together can be great, but there are also more romantic ways to ground and center yourself.

This particular breathing exercise involves sitting across from your partner and leaning your forehead against theirs. Close your eyes, then breathe in and out as slowly and deeply as you can. Most people begin to feel a benefit by around the seventh breath, but you should feel free to do as many as you like.

When you do this with your partner, you naturally feel more connecting and more in sync because you’re physically aligning and creating a rhythm together. So, don’t be surprised if you feel like kissing or holding each other after trying this technique.

15. Make Time for Deeply Emotional Conversations

These are among the times people feel closest – “When we share our thoughts at the end of the day”. One woman said, “when we’re lucky enough to be able to do that, it feels very intimate.” Emotional and physical intimacy in marriage involve sharing something deeply personal and secretive. Share something personal, and this may inspire your partner to do the same, in an ‘I will show you mine, you show me yours’ situation.

Even if things don’t go exactly that way, opening up can only foster physical intimacy in marriage. Dating, relationship and lifestyle expert Steven Ward once stated in one of his book. “Intimacy, by definition, is shared secret knowledge.”  – This should be one of the reasons couples should always make out time for deeply emotional conversations.

According to a founding by psychologist Robert J. Sternberg in a survey of marital satisfaction among 101 adults who’d been together for as little as a year and as long as 42 years, Physical intimacy rates the highest above passion in a long-term relationship.

The deeper the physical intimacy in marriage, the more you’ll have the experience of total absorption with your partner. Having read and understand all these, if you act upon them, there’s no way you’ll never experience a dramatic increase in physical intimacy in the bedroom with your partner.

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

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