Overcome marriage problems!!! is it really possible? YES,YES, it is possible if both spouses are determined and fully committed to put in the effort and care into the relationship. However, it is also important to understand that all this effort needs to be put into the right place to ensure that you can actually succeed.
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Marriage counseling experts have found that while a lot of individuals think they are putting in a lot of thought and care into their relationship, the marriage ends up crumbling because they don’t understand the intricacies of the union.
There are some basic principles that couples need to understand to overcome marriage problems. Experts that provide programs such as Marriage Fitness who work with couples every day have found that if you follow the principles below, you will be able to make your marriage stronger than ever.
1. Understanding Differences
To overcome marriage problems, you need to understand that there is a difference between the needs of both partners.
In his book, His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr. writes about how marriage counseling can help you understand why even your best efforts may not be enough.
He outlines how ignorance, intentional or unintentional, can often lead to failure to truly care for each other in the most important ways.
2. Meeting the Gap
One partner may value some needs than the other. This gap can lead to a weakened marriage since both may feel as though their needs aren’t being met. It increases the risk of unfulfilled emotional needs and even the risk of an affair.
It is important to seek, which can even be, online marriage counseling to ensure that you can meet the gap between needs and come together stronger than ever.
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3. More than Just Talking
Most people recommend that working on communication will help you overcome marriage problems. While communication is important, it is not the only factor that a successful, loving marriage hinges on.
In her book, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, Patricia Love describes how talking too much can also have adverse effects on the relationship. Love is not only about communication but also about the connection. You both need to work to find other ways to show affection and solve problems rather than just solely rely on communication.
4. Indirect Efforts
It doesn’t always work to be too direct too quickly about everything under the planet. There are other ways that you connect with someone like routine, activity, sex, and touch.
This can help make you closer with your spouse in the best way possible since it takes into account the fact that one partner may not want to really talk about everything all day long.
5. The Right Way to Express
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman also outlines how you can express your love and adoration for someone. Small gestures can go a long way to overcome marriage problems. Marriage counseling sometimes works on how you can show you still love the other person with non-verbal gestures as well.
According to Chapman, there are two main ways that someone expresses love and affection: primary and secondary. He suggests that you need to take out time to see how your partner expresses their love to others. Online marriage counseling can help you focus on the particular way that people like to give love which can help you see how they would like to receive it as well.
For example, a husband may think that doing house chores is a way to show that he cares for his wife and home. However, the wife may not perceive that to be a real gesture of love since she may find it as an obligation of every member of the house to do their part in maintaining the house. Her primary way to feel loved or show affection may be through direct affirmation using spoken words. This may leave a gap in the middle where the husband and wife will both feel unappreciated even though the effort is being made.
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6. Try New Things
Gary Chapman has reiterated that there are five main ways that people like to receive affection. It is important to explore all of these exhaustive options to find the one that is perfect. If you concentrate on these, you can overcome marriage problems that may exist in you relationship:
- Receiving gifts can show that a partner went out of their way to be thoughtful. It shows appreciation and care for the person on the receiving end, even if it is something really small.
- Quality time becomes more important as the marriage progresses or when you have kids. Taking out time and spending it with each other doing something you enjoy can really help the bond solidify.
- Words of affirmations are really You may be doing everything you can to show affection through small gestures but it is important to affirm your love once in a while through words.
- Acts of service or devotion to the other person can also show that you still care about their needs. This can go from simple foot massages to cooking something for them.
- Physical touch is really important if you want to show the other person that you still feel attracted to them and want to be near them. Even small connections like hugs and stroking someone’s hair can be really.
7. Focus on the Right Issues
In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman stresses that you need to focus on solvable issues when you are trying to overcome marriage problems. There are some problems in a relationship that have really easy solutions if you just focus on solving them.
However, many couples may become rigid or concentrate on unsolvable issues. It is really simple to become distracted by these issues rather than work on easier ones.
8. Solve the Smaller Issues
If you both actually work on repairing problems together in a discussion without contempt or criticism, you will be able to make it really far.
Compromise and tolerance can really go a long way to solve issues. Even small victories can give you the confidence and determination to heal bigger wounds in the marriage.
9. Overcome Gridlocks
Solving even small problems can help you escape gridlock situations. Overcoming gridlocks can be really hard since you may have tried to solve certain problems to no avail. The partners may become more and more stubborn as time goes on.
If you get to a point where the ego begins to clash with the need for compromise, it can be a small argument could even turn into a bigger mess. It is vital that you repair the problem as quickly as possible so that it doesn’t evolve into a fatal problem.
10. Seek Help
However, there are some issues that simply can not get resolved due to couples not seeing the most obvious solution or are not aware of their own rigidity.
In such cases, it is alright to seek outside help with marriage counseling since that can help you over marriage problems much more effectively. A lot of people are actually hesitant to involve a third party into the intimate issues of the relationship but it can actually be the unbiased critical opinion you need that strengthens the bond.
Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel is designed to help you overcome marriage problems so that you can have a long, loving relationship.
11. Take Practical Steps
Some spouses may be confused about how to actively take steps to overcome marriage problems. Even though they may know the things they need to work on, it can be really hard to put it into action. The Love Dare by Alex and Stephen Kendrick is one guide to how you can actually begin to repair any kinks in your marriage.
It is basically a 40-day challenge where the partners take on a different dare each day. It can include things like ‘Don’t say anything negative about your spouse for the whole day’. Even though this may seem trivial at first but as you go about your day, you may begin to realize that you are used to criticizing your partner unintentionally. Even small comments like ‘Let me drive, we don’t want to risk accidents if you get behind the wheel’ can come under negative criticisms.
This can help you take note of actions that may seem trivial to you but are slowly having an effect on your relationship. The more you observe the pitfalls though these dares, the more effectively you can avoid them in the future as well. The guide can also make it easier for you to take more active steps to show affection. A lot of times people are at a loss for a good way to show your love, and this guide will help you come with more ideas and ways to show affection.
Even if you take online marriage counseling to work on your relationship, it can actually help you seek better ways to show love and avoid pitfalls.
12. Work as a Team
At the end of the day, it is vital for both partners to understand that they both have to make an effort. The determination to overcome marriage problems requires an equal contribution from both parties.
If issues between the couple continue to increase, it can be detrimental to the relationship since they start to engulf even the best moments of the relationship.
By following these 12 ways both you and your spouse/loved one can end up with a stronger relationship than before.
It is important to understand that all relationships have a slump; so, it is now up to you to fight these issues with your other half hand in hand.
David Smallis the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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