How To Deal With An Over Possessive Partner

By David Small •  Updated: 12/12/14 •  5 min read

Possessiveness is simply that act of holding onto something all to yourself and not letting it go. In a relationship context, a partner or spouse may become possessive with friends or with mates.

Possessive Partner

Photo by Charlie Foster on Unsplash

In any relationships, partners with feelings of possessiveness, do not allow their spouses to spend time with anyone else, or even let them pursue a personal interest outside of the relationship. Possessive partners crave for all the love and attention from their spouse.

This mindset and behavior can lead to an unhealthy and unhappy relationship. However, the course of things can still be changed so that things can get better again and not go worse.

A sound and balanced relationship is the one that permits both partners to have their own space and freedom as much as it can make them be committed and faithful to each other.

Conversely when you discover that your partner wants you to solely belong to him or her and don’t want you to grow and evolve in that relationship, then you might consider having a change of mind on your priorities.

Among others, here are some of the signs and feelings of possessiveness in a relationship that one should watch out for.

Your partner would always want to know where you have been.

The most obvious signals or signs of a possessive partner in any relationship, is that he/she wants to be in command and control of you, your behavior, and life outside of the relationship.

This kind of behavior rarely shows that he/she loves you very much to miss you but merely that he/she wants to control every aspect of your social life.

Partners with possessive tendencies call more than ten times in a day.

It is insecurity and lack of trust that makes partners in a relationship call several times a day just to make sure that they know what their fellow spouse is doing and who they are with.

Such a person even goes to the extent of screening through your calls, check who called, and before you realize what is happening to decide which call you should take and which to ignore.

Possessive partners believe that their spouses like whatever they get for them.

A possessive person cannot imagine that their spouses can have a choice of their own; He/she has the perception that whatever they find worthwhile will surely be appreciated and accepted by their spouse, without a second thought.

Perhaps this is why he cannot fathom why you did not seem ecstatic when he got you the hand blender on your birthday.

Controlling Possessive partner


First, examine the relationship. Whenever you sense the feeling of possessiveness, the first thing you should do is to examine the relationship, by asking yourself the following question.

Are there problems that need to be addressed? If so, address it and try to comprehend and resolve between you anything that is creating anxiety. At this stage, transparent and direct communication can prove helpful.

Be true to yourself. If you discover that your partner is becoming overly possessive, do not cease from doing the things you love to do, and that pleases him or her.

You can verbally reassure your partner of your devotion and dedication to the relationship, but on no condition should give up your own interests because of it.

Reaffirm your love for one another. Most times all a person needs to get over a possessive or jealous nature is a reassurance that they are loved.

You can experience overall happiness and peace of mind in your relationship if you can take the time to rekindle your first love and excitement in your relationship.

Let go of your fear and the feeling of insecurity. In a relationship, when you identify you have possessive tendencies, all you require is to learn how to boost and enhance your self-esteem. It will help you eliminate the negative feelings about yourself along with fears of infidelity.

In conclusion, anxiety and fear make for a sorrowful relationship. Eventually, no matter how hard one tries, you cannot decide for anyone other than yourself.

Falling in love is always very risky and adventurous. You may get hurt along the way if you do. But most people are willing to take such a risk because a life without love is just so empty.

Do not be foolish to trust your partner blindly; always ensure the communication lines are open.

In actual fact, the truth here is not all about trusting your partner; it’s about trusting yourself by being true to yourself.

And always have this understanding that you are love-able, it will help you make wise choices and even if you are being deceived or fooled in the relationship, you can always take care of yourself and move forward with your life.

It’s my hope that this article,” How To Deal With An Over Possessive Partner” has helped you to understand and communicate effectively with your partner.

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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