Breaking up sucks! It’s worse when you have to break up with someone you love. You’ve invested your time, energy, heart, emotions, name it and now you have to break up with your love, Shitty, right? Well, there comes a time when you have to choose You!
A time when breaking up with the one you love is the only way you survive. You just have to do it! You got valid reasons for breaking up and it sucks the more! When the one you love is doing more harm than good to you, you just have to cut them loose!
So, how do you get over breaking up with the one you love?
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This article brings to light ways to get over breaking up with someone you love. Forgive yourself for breaking up with them already! You chose you! Kristina De la Cal, author of Breaking Up Without Breaking Down says you will be happy you did. Below are 10ways to get over breaking up with someone you love.
Be strong but soft, Lukewarm
After breaking up your relationship, you will receive all forms of counsel. Some of your friends and family will tell you to be strong while others will imply you get soft. You will feel conflicted deep down within. Be strong concurrently indulging your feelings till you get over them.
Some of the feelings you will go through include fear, anxiety, anger, and feeling betrayed and hurt. Susan Elliot, the author of Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You, says these emotions will affect the way you think. You will blame yourself for the breakup. Others feel they will never find someone better.
If you are having issues trusting people, give yourself time to fully experience your feelings. You will need to be very strong. Don’t make the mistake of trying to suppress your emotions. Let them out, no matter how unpleasant it might feel.
However, don’t allow your feelings to spin out of control! Not all the thoughts you have should be followed through. If you are making negative predictions about the future, challenge them. Any distorted beliefs need correction. Do you still have friends and family? Reach out to them! Get out of the house for once. Eat well and exercise. Sleep well and you will feel healthy. There are lots of bright spots in your life.
Cry, cry, and again!
Breaking up with a person you still love is not easy. You might have to express yourself by crying to get healed. Lock yourself in a safe and protected space and yell all that pressure out. There are times when you will hear a song that reminds you of your ex. Cry if you must! Christopher Gottschalk, author of How to Heal After a Heartbreak says crying cleans your emotions. Use your tears to wash your heart.
After you have let it all out, a time will come when you won’t feel like crying anymore. Surprisingly, you are bound to feel better with each passing teardrop. The first week is the most intense. Cry every day if you should. The number of times you cry will diminish with each passing week. A month into the breakup, and you’re all drained out of tears. That’s when you know you’re closer to your healing than before.
Express how you feel
Before you get over breaking up with your ex, you must first go through the grieving process. Don’t be surprised if you feel depressed and angry. Charles Spielberg and Irwin Sarason authors of Stress and Emotions say newly separated people go through many emotions.
Some of your friends and family will suggest you keep yourself busy. That’s fatal! Ignoring your feelings only makes you remain depressed for longer. That’s according to Judy Allen. So what to do? Find healthy ways to express how you feel. Sit down with non-judgmental family members or friends and tell them how you feel.
Alternatively, write down on a piece of paper how you feel. Although it sounds crazy, write a letter to your ex and read it out loud as if they are present. How else will you get some final thoughts of frustration off your chest? Once you are done, shred the letter and throw it away. That way, you can hope to get closure on the relationship.
Disconnect all communication
There is no reason why you should maintain contact with your ex after breaking up. If it was your choice to stop the relationship, maintaining communication won’t do you any good. Who knows? You may choose to remain friends in future. If you want to rediscover who you are, take time apart from your ex. You may have to remove your ex from your phone, email, and other media contact list.
Although many people don’t know it, stopping all activity on social media can help you heal after a split. If you don’t, you will find yourself lurking on your ex’s page or checking out on their friends. Don’t make the mistake of searching for your old pictures together.
It is easier for you to move forward without suffering if you take a short time off social media. Don’t fall into the trap! You could be thinking you will make your ex-partner jealous by publicizing your break up on social media. Don’t! Log off for a week or more to avoid the drama that only leads to regrets.
But that’s not all! Work to complete the breaking up process. Elizabeth Kuster, the author of Exorcising Your Ex: How to Get Rid of the Demons of Relationships Past suggests you avoid things that remind you of them. Do you have any gifts and mementos? Sort them out and decide whether to store, trash or return them. That will save you a lot of emotional stress. And don’t talk about them. It’s a big challenge, but you must stop saying their name or telling stories about them. Your friends and family should gently remind you when you bring up the person’s name. Ask them to do just that.
Don’t blame yourself for the breaking up
It is not your fault that the relationship did not last. Stop thinking there is anything you could have done better. Of course, you didn’t break up because there was no love. When the time for breaking up comes, it just happens. Couples in love sometimes can’t avoid going in different directions. Even where the chemistry was palpable, it will fade away somehow.
No matter the reason you broke up, move on! Lisa Steadman, Author of It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! the blame-game only gets worse after a breakup. She observes that most people tend to tell friends and family how bad their ex is. They don’t realize that the relationship couldn’t work anymore and there’s nothing you could have done about it.
Avoid obsessing about what you could or should have done differently. If you continue on this path, you will end up feeling hopeless and powerless. Why not keep a gratitude journal for a change. Note the positive aspects of your life so as to put the breakup in proper perspective. There is no reason why you should continue to feel hopeless. Get over it!
Set aside time to be with you!
As much as life after a breakup sucks, think of moving on as soon as you can. What’s it you should do in the meantime to heal? Is it on your schedule that you should rearrange? Think about things to cheer you up! If locking yourself up and playing some music is your kind of thing, do it. You have been putting off that vacation for long. Do it now! Take a few days from your busy schedule at work. Breaking up comes with a wave of emotions. Set aside time to handle these before they fester into something worse.
Get Busy with life
It doesn’t matter how long it has taken for you to stop crying yourself to sleep. It’s time to get out of the house. Your sanity depends on it. Build yourself, work on you! Get a new hairstyle if you must. Tamsen Fadal, the author of The New Single: Finding, Fixing, and Falling Back in Love with Yourself After a Breakup or Divorce, says that breakup is your opportunity to reclaim your singleness.
There are lots of activities you can engage in to make you feel better and more confident. Enroll in a gym, swimming class or anything to get you over breaking up with your ex-love. Who knows? You may just meet new friends while at it!
Although you may not know it, breaking up from a relationship is your opportunity to try reaching your yet achieved dreams. Your new state of singleness should help you refocus on what you want out of life. You have your whole life ahead of you.
Why not sit down and write some SMART goals? If you had put off getting a college degree, now is the time. Develop a new skill using your free time. What about learning how to code or ride a horse?
Rebound? No! No!
Admit it! It’s fun to enter into a rebound relationship. Just be careful not to try it after the breakup of a serious relationship. You loved your ex! Can you transfer that love to the rebound relationship? No! If you can’t love your new special person the same way, expect a bad ending.
Grieving time is not good for a rebound. So stay single! It doesn’t matter how much you need to have sex. DrusiHort, the author of How To Avoid Relationship Rebound Mistakes, says you take the time to discover what you want. It is time to have a clear vision of what you want. What do you expect from your future partner? When all your emotions get invested in a temporary relationship, you will end up hurting yourself. Is that what you want? Of course, not! Be certain of how you want your future partner to treat you.
Connect with new friends and Love Again
So you are breaking up with your ex? What should you do next? Before you enter into new friendships, a few preliminaries. Wait for the initial pain to subside and reflect on your relationship. Peer back to your past relationships to discover where you went wrong. If there are any lessons, write them down on a piece of paper. Is it your ex’s clingy and possessive behavior that pushed you away from them? If that’s so, you may want to make self-confident friends who have their own interests.
Use your family and friends to connect you with new prospective friends. Spend time with others and you will certainly bring normalcy to your relationship. You might not be ready for it! Try going out to have a good time to bring closure. As Sue Coleman writes in her book Breaking Up is Hard To Do, go to new places. Meet new people!
Whatever you do, have fun. Be thankful for being alive and free. The days won’t feel the same. Whether on a good or bad day, take it in a stride. You will feel better with time. Avoid ending up in another undesirable relationship in a bid to get over the last one. Heal first! You will need a lot of time!
Looking forward to a brighter future
Breaking up sucks! Most people become frustrated. They think they will never love again. But is that true? According to Dr. Dain Heer, author of Being You, Changing the World, loss of a relationship is an opportunity. It doesn’t mean your life is over. Ask yourself what you possibly can do now that your relationship is over. After all, what seems like an end is only a beginning. Make few changes in your life. Recreate what must be renewed and you will never go wrong.
Who says you can’t be in a relationship again? Bear in mind the lessons from the breakup. Who knows? Your new relationship will be deeper and stronger. It, however, depends on how your old relationship was. If it was either unhealthy or just not meant to be you are likely to make it fulfilling when you next fall in love.
After all, what doesn’t break you always makes you stronger! So dust yourself up and make something out of your next love life. Don’t let your ex-lover define who you become! Whatever you do, live on your own terms!
is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author.
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