Your Boyfriend is asking for a Break…, now what?

By David Small •  Updated: 11/29/14 •  10 min read

BreakLove is not always both ways. At times, one party asks for a break. When that happens, you may wonder what does it means, and why is it happening. What does it mean when a guy wants space? That is the most important question for those girls like you, who are wondering what to do next.

If you are under similar circumstances, or if you know somebody who is going through a similar situation, keep on reading. We will give you the insights of what is going inside the boy’s mind. It will help you to overcome the situation better. If you need to give advice, you will get some ideas on how to approach a situation like this.

The meaning of a Break

What does a break mean in a relationship? For most, taking a break is a previous step to ending the relationship. Most girls don’t want to face the fact that their boyfriend is looking for some space. Most times, boys are not entirely sure they want to move on. Taking a break is a way to end the relationship with the option to go back anytime. However, that rarely happens to its full.

A break breaks something in a relationship. Even if he comes back, things rarely go back to the same. Most boys who ask for a break are not thinking of you. They are selfish, just looking to fulfill their needs. Some people even say they are cowards for calling for a break instead of facing the end of a relationship. You need to understand a break is a way of ending the relationship smoothly.

The Selfishness of asking for a Break

Selfishness is the primary driver for calling for a pause some girls think that “my boyfriend wants a break but still loves me.” That may be true, but their love is not enough to think about you instead of just them.

A break has you available, while they are allowed to try a new relationship somewhere else. It is hard to listen, but most likely they have a prospect of a relationship already at their door. In other cases, they are just bored, and the required space is just to find amusement somewhere else without you.

Don’t try to find reasons to justify the selfishness on asking for a break. It is not a matter of you and your relationship. It is a question of them and what they want. A break means you are not part of their equation. The first step is to accept it before you can honestly learn something of your experience with him.

How a Break will affect your Relationship

If you think that “my boyfriend wants to take a break to work on himself,” stop right there and think about how a break will affect your relationship. If you chose to be together is to overcome your issues together. It is a matter of working out things and sorting out obstacles in life as a couple. There is no more working alone when you are into a relationship and communication is the basis.

When you take a break, there is no way you can improve your communication and work together. With a break, each of you will be taking separate ways. There is no further conversation, and instead of bringing you together, it will take you apart.

A break puts distance and eventually, the official break is natural and even easier. The time apart usually cools a relationship, and there is no turning back. Some people use breaks to break up slowly and avoid drama.

When there is Somebody Else

One of the most common things is that your boyfriend wants a break to figure things out, but not with you. There is someone else, but it is not certain. Some boys use breaks to ensure the other prospect accepts them before they leave the safe haven they have with you. That is not fair, but it happens.

If that is your case, then the relationship is not worthy. Run away from a person who looks you as a second option. You deserve better than just the leftovers of a relationship that did not work. The best course of action is to move on. Don’t get stuck with a person that is not willing to be just with you.

What should you do during the Break?

The least thing to cross your mind is torturing you with thoughts like “my boyfriend wants a break how do I get him back.” Just move on. Looking back will only harm you.The worst thing to do in such cases is beg. You deserve somebody who is with you willingly. If you need to ask for attention or time, then that person is not for you.

No matter the reasons, your boyfriend has clearly stated he needs some time away from you. If you love him, give him a chance he is requesting. It is not that stepping backward will guarantee he will come back to you. There is nothing you can do, but let him sort things on his own.

When he is ready to talk, he will ask you to do so. In the meantime, stop thinking what have you done wrong. There is nothing wrong with you, and it is a personal issue on his mind only. You don’t need to act as if you were still in a relationship. Keep an open mind and free your heart and your options. A break works both ways, and he is allowed to see other people, just as you are.

While you are on a break, live your life as if you were single. You can meet new people, hang out with friends, go shopping, travel, or any other thing you want to do. You don’t have to go looking for another relationship immediately, but you should not close your options. When you are ready, somebody else will come, and you must be open to letting it be something wonderful.

Make use of your time alone to work out things with you too. Enjoy your solitude and reconnect with old friends. Rediscover those things you enjoyed before your relationship. You might get out much more from a break than you think if you don’t get stuck in the waiting for him to make up his mind.

You come First

You come first, and a break is a perfect time to find out what you want. Even if at first you think that “my boyfriend wants to take a break, but I don’t,” those thoughts may change.

Stop and make some reflections. Is he the one you love? Are you a better person with him around? Be cruelly honest. Don’t disguise reality, and make an inventory of which you are right now, what you want, and how he plays a part of it. The truth answers may surprise you.

After he decides the break is over, it may be you the one who is not interested in a relationship anymore. When you assess, the relationship always keeps in mind that you come first. Nothing else matters most than your wellbeing, and you should not sacrifice your peace of mind for the wrong person.

The Deterioration of a Relationship

When somebody asks for a break, it is because the relationship is becoming toxic. When that happens, it comes in both ways. If he is fed up, you may be walking the same way too. However, at times it was difficult to accept when things are going wrong.

BreakDo you feel trapped in your relationship? Are you happy with him? Those two questions are fundamental to assess your relationship. If you were fighting all the time, most likely you were not feeling good with it. Don’t get stuck in a toxic relationship.

Take your time alone to make a count on what is the current status of your relationship. It may lead you to the same conclusion. You need a break too. Or furthermore, you want to break up definitely.

When you look back to assess your relationship, don’t blame you for anything. Don’t blame him either. Be objective and learn from your experience. There is no mistake on what you have done, and the experience should serve you to become a better person for your next attempt.

The end of a Break

The most common question with breaks is “he wants a break how long should I give him?” There is no straight answer to that. He asked for a break, and he will decide when it should be over. If you are willing to give your relationship a second chance, then wait for him to be ready. Rushing things will only lead to a disaster.

If after your self-reflection, you find out that you want to break up for good, then take the initiative. He asked for a break, but you have the right to end the relationship anytime. There is no need to wait for him to take all the decisions. Grab your destiny in your hands and take the initiative.

Back to the Relationship after a Break

If you both chose to go back together after a break, it is time to put the cards on the table. Keep communication open, so that you can improve your relationship. Share your thoughts and ask him to share his. There is no better thing in a relationship than communication.

Make sure you trust him when he comes back to you again. Share your fears and look for reassurance. If you suspect he left to try to be with somebody else, it is better to share your thoughts and accept his version.

If you don’t trust him, then think it twice before you take him again. There is no worse thing in a relationship than doubts. It can all lead to mistrust, and you will not be happy under such circumstances. The final goal going back to the relationship after a break is to enjoy it and be happy. If you are not satisfied, then, it is not worthy.

But if after all, you chose to go back to the relationship, then give your best. Do not hesitate to give your heart, and leave all doubts behind. The past is gone, and you must look for the promising future. Do not get trapped in reproaches and get the best of you. Show him how the break helped you become a better person.

What is Next if he doesn’t want to come back?

There is nothing you can do if he wants to go away at the end. Let him go and move on. It is easier said than done. However, begging will not make things better. He will eventually go away anyway.Remember that a break is the preamble of a permanent separation. You have to be prepared for the worse when you are going through a break. Do not expect him to come back, and use the time to be ready for the final breakup.

It is hard to accept, but you are not the girl for him. There is someone out there to make you happy, but you will not find him if you are stuck with someone who does not want you. Take the good things and cherish them in your heart. Learn from the bad things and move on with your life.

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David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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