Love your boyfriend? Well, you’ll need to put in the work! Relationships require constant growth and nurturing. Yes, even the best of them. Everyone needs a little motivation sometimes.
Are things great in your relationship and you’d like to make them better? It’s not a shame. The fact that you’re here doing some research, means that you value what you are building with your boyfriend.
With that in mind, this article has compiled a list of ways you can improve your relationship with your boyfriend. It has brought together the best ways to make your boyfriend feel appreciated, desired and loved.
Learn how to change your relationship from average to a strong and fulfilling relationship with the list below.
1. Have a Life
Rule number one: Though shall not let your relationship define you! It’s of utmost importance to be an independent person outside the relationship. Outside of the dreams and goals, you have together as a couple, accomplish dreams of your own.
Have friends outside the relationship. Hang out with your girlfriends sometimes and give him time to spend with his boys. Be an independent thinker. Have separate hobbies. This allows you to grow while in a relationship at the same time.
It gives your relationship a breather. Your boyfriend will also miss you. When you see each other, you will want to just be in each other’s arms. Steven J Bennett talks more about it in his book “365 Rules of the New World: If we had a chance to do it all over again, would we do it right?”
2. Spend Fun Time Together
Engaging in activities that you both like is one way to improve your relationship. Having fun while spending time together strengthens the bond with your boyfriend. The more you like each other, the better the relationship becomes.
To start, list down all the things you both like to do, then find the ones you have in common. Make sure to have fun with the activities you choose. Make it quality time.
You can borrow more tips from Paulette Steppes in the book “HOW TO AVOID A TKO IN MARRIAGE: A Biblical Perspective.”
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3. Be Playful
Keep the relationship light. It will deepen the connection with your boyfriend. Be easy to please. Laugh at your boyfriend’s jokes, act silly, tease each other, have inside jokes and engage in lighthearted activities.
Bring out your inner child. Start a spontaneous wrestling match. Play a game of cards, or scrabble; you can pick any competitive game. When he wins, tell him how smart he is, men love confidence boosters.
Take grapes, or chocolate chips and throw them into each other’s mouths. This one will be messy, but you will giggle and laugh so much that it will be worth it.
You can borrow more ideas from Andrew G. Marshall in his book “Help Your Partner Say ‘Yes’: Seven Steps to Achieving Better Cooperation and Communication.” The secret is to be fun and not mean-spirited.
4. Be Affectionate
Be more affectionate by feeling; not worrying, managing or thinking. Leave that to your boyfriend. Have attractive girl energy. Be open to him. Show your boyfriend more affection. All you need to do is just make slight changes to show more affection, your boyfriend will notice.
Touch him when you talk, rest your head on his shoulder, or cuddle as you spend time together. Be present when you hug or kiss him instead of quick hugs and pecks. You can spice it up by reaching around and squeezing his butt the next time you hug him.
5. Be Open to Love
Believing in love is one thing, accepting it is a completely different story. Some past experiences can make you unconsciously put up emotional walls. You may not even know how deep they run.
Open yourself up to receive love from your boyfriend. Believe he loves you regardless of your flaws. Also, love him unconditionally. There may be some things from your past that are worth burying.
However, you will realize that you will build a strong relationship when you bring down the emotional wall and open up to your boyfriend.
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6. Drop Ridiculous Standards
There are basic standards which you should never beg your boyfriend to maintain. Things like respect, loyalty, support, love are basic in every relationship. Your boyfriend should freely maintain these standards.
However, mediocre standards which your boyfriend cannot fulfill will mess an otherwise good relationship. Such standards will make your boyfriend feel like he does not have the ability to please you.
Remember that men are thrilled by feeling that they can please their woman. Angelina G. Bell gives solid advice in his book “Keep Your Man: Seven Ways to His Happiness“.
7. Fight Fair
Most of the time, mean words are exchanged during arguments. Nasty things just have a way of coming out when you are angry. More often than not, you do not fully mean these things.
Nonetheless, unless you want to regret after a fight, filter your words. When arguing with your boyfriend follow some basic rules. Be specific, do not be petty, avoid generalization of words by focusing on the issue at hand, be communicative and stay calm.
If you disrespect and demean your boyfriend during a fight, he might never forget it. The reasons and severity of fights can vary. However, ensure you stay in line when fighting.
Sometimes you will realize the fights are due to miscommunication or stubbornness. There are some trivial things that you can otherwise talk over with your boyfriend.
8. Compliment Your Boyfriend
Has your boyfriend improved on something? Throw in a compliment. Did you request him to make a few amendments in your relationship that he has made? Compliment him. Does he look sexy in those pants? Compliment him.
In other words, say something positive. Remind him how good he is at his job, around the house and so on. Focus the compliments on his masculine abilities.
Make sure before you say anything negative to your boyfriend, you have said 5 positive things. With time, the compliments you give him will become a norm. Tell him how he has made you a better person ever since you met. Be detailed and generous in your praise.
The book “The Secret Sauce of Loving Relationships: A Better Me, a Better Us” by Mirella Deboni will teach you how to give your boyfriend honest compliments.
9. Put Yourself in His Shoes
Be slow to judge your boyfriend. Have empathy towards him. Be patient. Stop and ask yourself why you are really mad. Are you projecting your feelings towards your boyfriend? Was his behavior intentionally intended to hurt you? Was he disrespectful? Is it something that you keep complaining about?
Whatever it is, carefully evaluate the situation before you lash out in anger. If after careful evaluation you still consider it to be a big issue you may need to discuss it with your boyfriend. However, bring it up when the anger has receded. If he attempts to apologize, do not rebuff him.
John Carter offers some guidelines in his book “Introducing Psychology of Relationships: A Practical Guide.”
10. You Can Use Vulnerability to Your Advantage
Begin by apologizing for a wrong you did by your boyfriend that was your fault. Talk about a fantasy you are embarrassed about. Be bold enough to share a secret with your man.
If there is something that went wrong between you such as a fight or a miscommunication, talk about it with your man. Begin with what you could do differently.
Talk to your man about something he does, that hurts you. Start with how you feel when he does it. Then respectfully suggest how he can do it differently.
Brent Bradley talks about the importance of couples being susceptible to one another in his book “Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy for Dummies.”
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11. Do Small Things for Your Boyfriend
If you are not the person to go all the way, there is hope for you. You do not have to give a big romantic gesture to your boyfriend to improve your relationship. Small thoughtful things speak love and care in large volumes.
You can have his breakfast waiting when he wakes up; breakfast is more unexpected as opposed to lunch or dinner. Pick-up his favorite snack on your way to his place. You can pack his lunch to take to work and add a bonus point by attaching a sexy note to it.
You can also do things together such as cook a meal together. Surprise him with a picnic he liked going to as a kid. If he always forgets to carry a pen, buy him a pack. Hingorrany Seema, in his book “How to Keep Your Man Happy“, says “small things will show your boyfriend that you care and pay attention”.
12. Get Sexier
Spice up your sex life. Take turns to play dominant and submissive roles in bed. Talk to your boyfriend about calling the shots in turns. You can try blindfolds or handcuffs. Be creative! If you do not have handcuffs, you can use a scarf or a tie.
Try and dedicate a whole day to sex. It is more appealing if you rent a hotel room and switch off your phones. Treat your man to a surprise by cleaning his house naked or topless.
Give him a lap dance or a pole dance. Do not become one of those couples who become boring between the sheets.
Peter O’Neill and Christine O’Neill stress the importance of intimacy in their book “ Bring out the Man in Your Man: Bring Back Energy, Passion and Balance into Your Relationship ”
As obvious as it sounds, takes the time to listen to your boyfriend. Stop whatever you are doing when he is talking to you and listen to what he is saying.
Sometimes your boyfriend just needs someone to listen to him, he is not seeking advice. Be honestly interested, ask questions and nod. Do not interrupt him when he is talking. Otherwise, it will be a talking competition. Cornelius Jones gives listening pointers in the book “Building a Beautiful Relationship.”
Listening opening to your boyfriend will improve communication and conversations between you will be easier to hold. You will even realize that he likes talking to you more.
You can also try active listening, where your boyfriend says something, then you repeat it in your own words. If you leave out anything, he can correct you. Then take turns. Learn more from Tania Thornton in the book “Insights from the Heart.”
14. Learn the Love Languages of Your Boyfriend
The ways of giving and receiving love may not necessarily be the same for both of you. Your boyfriend may express love in a completely different way than you.
Gary Chapman refers to them as the love languages in his book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.”The five languages are “saying affirming words, spending quality time, deeds of service, physical touching, and giving gifts.
So which language speaks volumes for your boyfriend and which one works for you? Identifying this reduces cross-communication with your boyfriend. Learning the love language of your boyfriend will dramatically improve your relationship and is the way to his heart!
As John Gray puts it in his book The Relationship Guide to Make Him or Her Commit, hard work lies in opening his eyes to the great woman you are.
15. Is the relationship worthy of commitment?
Does your boyfriend see the relationship as a worthy investment? If not, why should he be committed? Take a step back and have an honest look at your relationship. How many personal issues do you have? Have you taken time to be there for him when he needs you? Answer these questions honestly. You’ll see why he isn’t in a hurry to commit.
Men excel at cutting losses. They’ll break up with you once they can’t see a future in the union. He has to have a reason to invest in it! So, address your issues. Help him see why a future with you is an asset!
16. How are your adrenaline levels?
Have you ever experienced the thrill of the chase in a new relationship? As much as the woman may initiate the union, it’s the man who should do the chasing! It doesn’t matter how long you have been at it. Most men detest and take for granted women who are always at their disposal.
Why don’t you allow the man to take the commanding position? He should be the one initiating most of the activities in the relationship.
Gregg Michaelsen in his book who Holds the Cards Now? 5 Lethal Steps to Win His Heart and Get Him to Commit. The book states that men love women who make the chase challenging yet enticing.
Women who can resist falling over heels for a man are what men are looking forward to committing to. The opposite comes out as cheap and unworthy of a long-term union.
17. You rush, you Crash!
When it comes to dating, you should never make assumptions! Never think your relationship is going steady based on the length of time you spend together. Exclusivity should be agreed upon! It’s never a figment of your imagination.
Have you talked to your boyfriend and agreed not to see other people? If you’ve been considering it, ask him right away! Otherwise, you’ll be surprised he’s having the same romantic encounters with others.
Don’t make the mistake of wanting him to be exclusive early on in the relationship either! Your boyfriend will be pushed away when he feels unnecessarily pressured leaving you crashed. You rush it, you’ll certainly crash!
In the early stages of a relationship, never make a man feel he’s the only one! Yes, you read that right. What you should do is make him feel jealous, at least to some extent.
You’ll be pricking his ego concurrently awaking the hunter in him. Chasing after you will then be inevitable! Fighting for commitment should be a top priority for a man who wants to make you his girl.
Be sure to open up to your boyfriend about the existence of another man in your life. That doesn’t mean you come across as a serial dater. Prepare yourself for commitment before you demand it from him.
19. What’s it that you want? Say it!
Is communication becoming an issue in your relationship? If you want your boyfriend to commit, tell him how you feel about it. Is it time you had ‘the talk’? Why not!
You’ll never know if your boyfriend is ready for commitment until you talk about it, says Eugine Walker in his book Get Him, Sprung!: A Woman’s Guide to Getting a Great Guy and Keeping Him Forever!
Be careful not to come across as forceful or needy. Once you’ve defined your relationship, you should be able to know where you stand. You might think he’s the one while to him, you’re just another fling. Real bummer!
20. Emotional honesty
You aren’t emotionally honest if all your boyfriend hears of are your lamentations. Is your relationship great? Tell him how you feel about him. Ask him if he feels the same way about you. Only make sure you handle the fear that may spring in your heart.
Let the wise words of Sherry Agov in her book Why Men Marry Bitches: The Nice Woman’s Guide to Getting and Keeping a Man’s Heart be your guide. According to Sherry, emotional honesty means being straightforward of how the union makes you feel.
Much as you may not like what you hear, it’s important to know where you’re headed with the relationship. You don’t want to date forever, do you?
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21. Are you making him feel needed?
Needed beautiful, not needy! Men like it when a woman accepts what they are capable of giving. By nature, male folks are protectors and providers. So, embrace their help and they will know you are ready for commitment.
You may be capable of solving your problems but you show your love when you allow a man to solve them for you.
Don’t show that you can handle everything on your own. You don’t want your man feeling like he has no room in your life. If so, why should he be committed to you?
Are you striving to improve your relationship with your boyfriend? Steve Harvey advises you forget about giving it a label. There is fear in the current generation of calling a relationship what it is. Keep tabs on the signs without giving it a label right away.
If you want to define the kind of relationship you have, have a conversation with your man. You will kill a relationship before it starts when you apply undue pressure on him. It doesn’t matter how special it is!
Steve Harvey in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment suggest you check for vital signs instead
. Are you seeing each other exclusively? Is your boyfriend always looking for an update on your activities? Have you introduced each other to your friends and family?
23. Are you using sex as bait?
The role of sex in a relationship cannot be underestimated. It hardly ever works however when you’re using it to improve your relationship! Some women think they can get a man to commit by withholding sex. Unfortunately, what men see are manipulative women who are not worth committing to.
This is always the case with trying to bait a man by offering sex. In the end, the man ends up being attracted to the sex, not by you!
Ponder on this: Why should a man chase you when he is getting all the sex he wants?
24. Are you still the same woman he fell for?
What’s it that attracted your man to you? Taking care of you in ways such as maintaining a healthy weight is important! Make an effort to remain attractive both physically and otherwise.
Can you remember the things you used to do together as a new couple? Your relationship will be sowing high with the eagles if you keep the adventurous flame blazing.
According to Dylan Tyler, Where there are issues, look for ways of fixing them lovingly. Yes! Even when sex is involved! When you realize your sex drive is waning, do something about it! His book How to Make Him Want You Forever is quite an eye-opener!
25. Are you vulnerable?
You might not have the chance of improving the relationship with your boyfriend without exposing yourself to hurt. Get involved by letting your man know how you feel.
When you are honest with your feelings, you put yourself in a position of vulnerability. A successful relationship is the inevitable.
26. Don’t change him!
Never try to shape your boyfriend into the person you want him to be. Instead, accept him for who he is! That’s only if you want to improve the relationship. If you want your man to become a better person, let him do it on his own terms and time frame.
27. Are you issuing endless ultimatums?
Nothing creates friction in a relationship like issuing ultimatums to get a commitment from your man. You don’t want the relationship to backfire simply because you forced him into it.
Your relationship is better off when you allow it to develop naturally, says Heavenly Kimes in his book The Business of Love.
28. Are you playing wife to him already? Don’t!
Going all out in a relationship is no guarantee that you will improve it. If he is a boyfriend, you need to treat him just like that. Acting like a wife won’t get you far!
If he is not willing to enter into marriage with you, why should you treat him like a husband? A man will never want to marry you if you are giving him all the benefits of marriage. He will take you for granted!
29. Are you a mystery he wants to unravel?
As Diana Kirschner writes in her book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love men go after women who appear mysterious. As much as you talk about many things, you need to keep him curious about some things.
Your boyfriend needs to be so enamored with you that he can’t wait to spend time with you.
What you wear under your clothes shouldn’t be obvious all the time. If you have an event to attend, go without informing him sometimes. Let him work to tame you if he wants you.
30 .Wear Confidence daily!
If you want a great relationship with your boyfriend, be comfortable in your own skin. Be in control of your life. It’s a win, win for you. You’ll look sexier and like the woman he can have a future with.
Feeling and behaving inferior is a sure passion killer. On the contrary, being confident breeds all types of adventure sexually or otherwise.
31. Does his friends and family like you?
Although you may get to a man’s heart through the stomach, it gets easier when his friends and family like you. You might not know who will put in the good word for him to commit to the relationship. That’s to paraphrase Ariana Alessandro in her book Forever in Love: Secrets to Unlock Your Man’s Heart and Make Him Desire You Always.
When he sees you operating in his close circles, it becomes easier for him to see the wife in you. So why should you be blunt about it?
Related Article: 15 Ways to Make Him Love You More
32. Are you nagging him to commit?
Nagging can never get a man to commit to a relationship, says David Hawkins in his book When the Man in Your Life Can’t Commit: Recognizing the Signs of a Commitment-Phoebe and What You Can Do About It.
Why can’t you sit down and talk instead? If anything, a long-distance boyfriend needs a lot of space to commit.
Allow him to get over the many trials of such relationships instead of pestering him. Why should you kill the relationship through nagging and sparking meaningless arguments?
33. What does he mean to you? Show it!
When you take a man for granted, he will doubt if he should commit to you. For starters, show gratitude for what he’s doing for and to you.
It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture! It might be as simple as telling him through deeds and words. Let him know how much you appreciate what he does for you. You may want to reward him with increased attention in bed, why not?
34. Are you trying too hard? Don’t!
If you have been pursuing commitment from your man in vain, relax, says George Weinberg. In his book Why Men Won’t Commit: How To Get What You (both) Want Without Playing Games, he notes that relentless efforts to try and get him to commit may only push him away. Withdraw and let him know getting him committed isn’t a matter of life and death.
You might want to apply the same strategy to make the man commit after divorce. After all, you want him to see the need to commit his own way. If the man remains clueless, reconsider the relationship.
35. Have you put your life on hold? Don’t!
As much as your boyfriend is important to you, he is not the center of your universe! Have a life if you want to look beautiful and independent. When a man sees you are able to take care of yourself, he is more likely to commit to you.
36. What type of conversations do you have?
Did you know having an open conversation is more likely to lead to a commitment? Be subtle in your intentions and discuss what you need to.
In committed relationships, communicating honestly on issues such as family, finances, and other matters is vital. It will determine whether you’ll stick together or not. If you can’t handle these issues, then you aren’t prepared, after all.
37. What’s your role in having a non-committal relationship?
Before you blame your boyfriend for the direction the relationship is taking, ask yourself what your role is in it. In his book Why Hasn’t He Proposed?: Go from the First Date to Setting the Date Matt Titus encourages women to acknowledge their feelings.
You need to know your real feelings and embrace them! That way, erupting like a volcano in fights is avoided. Besides, you get to see things in a different light, acknowledges Matt.
Before you get your man to commit, first ask yourself if you are ready to commit! You may discover you are not ready to do what you are pushing your man into.
In the long run, this big step should be reached in an agreement between you and your boyfriend. If you want a committed relationship, first, love! You’ll be surprised how much the other person loves you back.
David Smallis the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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