Men avoid commitment all the time. They just don’t want to be tied down in a relationship when they could enjoy life much more. It would seem that all the successful and hot guys don’t have the need to settle down.
But that’s not necessarily true. It turns out that most men are ready to fall in love, propose, and settle down with the right woman. If your man is not committing, you could be the problem. Luckily it is possible for you to change for the better and make your man come running after you.
But just why do men avoid commitment? The following are some reasons that make the greatest men grow cold feet when it comes to settling down with you:
You Are Concentrating Too Much On Your Sex Appeal
There is a common misconception that all a man wants is to run around with multiple women. But that’s not true. While men need sex, they aren’t so obsessed with it to run from one relationship to another. According to Psychology Today, defining the sex drive of the average male is difficult. After all, there’s nothing like a collective male consciousness, and thus their sex drive cannot be lumped together.
If anything, men aren’t always attracted by a woman’s sex appeal. In one UK study, what defines a woman’s attractiveness is much more than having an hourglass figure. After socially interacting with a woman, a man considers attributes such as humor, personality, and core beliefs to be more than the physical appearance.
You Are Not Giving Him the Emotional Experience He Craves
As much as they are looking for a sexual experience, men also want to have an emotional experience. It is through personal interaction and emotion that the sexual experience is enhanced. So playing the field simply means the man is trying hard to find the perfect woman.
But to know ‘the one’, they rely on the ‘natural chemistry’ which then leads their hearts in the right direction. And so, as research studies suggest, the man is more likely to be the first one to say ‘I love you’.
He Had a Bad Breakup
Most men just don’t understand what a woman means with ‘commitment’. All he knows about commitment is based on his previous experience with other women. Yet you weren’t involved in any of these other relationships. To him, your definition of commitment is no different from how his previous girlfriends have looked at it.
Perhaps he had a psycho for his first girlfriend. Because of that relationship, he is emotionally scarred and not ready to enter a relationship full of love and trust. Bruce Bryans says as much in He’s Not That Interested, He’s Just Passing Time. That baggage could be the one rendering him afraid to commit. But it is possible to get him to see you differently. Assume a more feminine poise and you will be the woman he instinctively desires.
He Feels Vulnerable
It could be that your man hasn’t reached the stage of life where he is ready to commit. For instance, men in early adulthood tend to be adventurous and may not be ready to settle down. They think that being committed to one woman will leave them vulnerable and trapped.
As Ryan Thant says in What Men Won’t Tell You, at the core of this are pride, selfishness, and a feeling of entitlement. Thus, they would rather bolt than to commit to you this early. They want to be in control and being in a long-term relationship doesn’t seem like it will allow them to do that.
The Fear of Rejection
Before you meet your man, he is likely to have been in other relationships in which he was rejected. That experience left him emotionally scarred. So he is afraid that investing himself fully in the current relationship is only going to lead to another rejection. He is afraid that you cannot love him back in the right way.
If he commits to you and you walk away, that would only validate his beliefs about women. Bryan Bruce says as much in What Guys Really Want, Really. According to him, you cannot possibly get such a man to commit unless you assure him that nothing of the sort is going to happen.
The Fear of Failure
Men are wired to be the providers in a relationship. As you start out, he wants to be ready in certain ways. If he doesn’t meet these expectations, it will be very hard for the man to agree to commit to you. They want to do their things to perfection. Such men need to be sure that they are going to push the relationship to where they want it to be. If they sense defeat, they will simply bolt.
His Priorities Lie Elsewhere
Prioritization is about putting the most important things at the very top of the list. Most men avoid commitment because they haven’t put the relationship among their life’s priorities. Perhaps that value their career growth above all else. So they are investing a lot of their time on work-related issues.
Just to allay your fears, it doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. It could be that, for now, the man has other things he considers more important than settling down with you. If you give him time, he could come to his senses and commit. That’s what Tatiana Busan advises in ‘Get Him to commit’.
He Has Mostly Single Friends
If you are dating a many with mostly single friends, it is likely that he wouldn’t want to settle down soon. To continue hanging out with his single friends, he would prefer to remain single. With that comes the freedom to roam from one club to another in search of the next high.
In ‘Why Won’t He Commit?’ Coach Paula Grooms says the man could be taking his friends’ advice seriously. He doesn’t want to be the only person in the group in a stable relationship. So every time you prod him, you only drive him further away.
The Timing Just Isn’t Right
When it comes to taking relationships to the next level, timing is of the essence. It doesn’t matter how much you are into each other.
As Dominic Mann says in Make Him Beg to Be Yours, men avoid commitment when the circumstances are not right. In that case, he will definitely say ‘no’. Perhaps he is still in school, is taking up a new job or has too much workload.
Even though tough on you, this is something you will need to understand. If a man hardly has time for himself, how will he take care of the commitments that come with settling down?
Maybe He Is Not Into You
What if you are pressuring the guy to commit and yet he is not into you? According to the book ‘How do You Get a Man to commit?’ it doesn’t matter how much you like the guy. Men avoid commitment if they do not like the women involved.
Perhaps there never existed any chemistry between the two of you or it has waned with time. No need to flog a dead horse. If there’s the slightest indication that the guy is not into you, stop the relationship as soon as possible. Insisting to go ahead with the relationship, will unnecessarily lead to the wastage of your time.
He Feels Unnecessarily Pressured
There comes a time in a man’s life when his friends, family, and acquaintances can’t stop enquiring about their love lives. It makes it hard for such men to attend social gatherings where such questions could be raised.
Such men avoid commitment, simply because they cannot handle the pressure that’s being piled on them. They are too worn out to even ‘ask the question’ you are expecting. So you might want to follow the advice by Mimi Tanner in The Reverse Ultimatum.
He Merely Lusts For You
Some men are after the sexual benefits they get from the relationship and nothing else. It could be that he doesn’t even love you as he claims. All he wants is the fun and exhilaration he gets from the relationship. Such men avoid commitment so as to keep getting the thrill without putting in much of an investment.
He just does not anticipate being in a relationship where he is tied down to only one woman. The man is excited when you are together having a good time. However, when the question of commitment is raised, he recoils and returns to his cocoon. As Chase Scott says, the man has Commitment Phobia.
He Is Not Ready To Assume Responsibility
Men avoid commitment because they don’t know what it takes to be in a long-term relationship. They just aren’t ready to take responsibility for both of you. As a woman, you might be ready to take the next step, which is very frustrating.
But how do you ‘Get Him to commit?’ As a man, he will need to assume a lot of responsibility in a committed relationship. As he relates with you, a lot of emotional control is required. He also needs to be responsible for his feelings as well as the communication between the two of you. If he isn’t ready to assume that responsibility, there’s no way he is going to commit to you.
He Still Wants To Explore
One of the reasons most men avoid commitment is to keep having fun. They are not ready to be tied down to you. Anyone could date and explore relationships with other people. But if he is ever sidelining you, then it is a huge problem.
Here you are hoping for a more serious relationship but the man isn’t done exploring the dating scene. But as Lucina Graham advises, you can Make Him Desperate for Your Attention.
To avoid being unnecessarily frustrated, ask him if he wants to keep exploring. That way, you will know if it is worth taking the relationship to the next level. If he still has the urge to try out relationships with other people, he just won’t commit.
He Hasn’t Forgotten His Ex
Some men keep looking up the social media accounts of their exes. They keep sending text messages simply because they haven’t forgotten what they had together. Expect such men to avoid commitment. No need to stay with a man who still lives in the past. You really like him but he keeps lusting over someone else.
What kind of relationship can the two of you have? If you insist on it, you will get frustrated in the future when the communication with his ex escalates. The wise thing to do is to leave him quickly enough.
The Man Is Just Immature
As Bruce Bryans says in 101 Reasons Why He Won’t Commit to You, there are guys who just don’t grow up. A guy is in his 20s but still with the behavior of a teenager. He just cannot resist any girl he meets. His natural inclination is to flirt with every girl he meets. He also likes to party. No day passes before he goes out with his buddies to party.
How do you get such a man to commit to the relationship? Even if he would do it, his immaturity will not allow him to stay in the relationship. Such men avoid commitment because they don’t know what it is. They have never done it and wouldn’t have an idea where to start.
He’s Afraid to Change His Identity
Some men avoid commitment out of the fear of the changes that will happen to their lives and identities as a consequence. This is according to Shawn Cullen in How to Get a Man to Commit.
Most of them have formed expectations of how life will be in a marriage or a committed relationship. They think a long-lasting relationship will change them into a certain kind of person. If their formed image of the person they will be isn’t attractive, then they won’t commit. He is likely to dilly dally with the question simply because he isn’t ready to change his identity.
It is possible for you to make your man get into a committed relationship with you. By adopting a more feminine personality, you will have the man getting attracted to you instinctively. Maybe he is dilly-dallying because he fears being hurt.
Why don’t you reassure him that wouldn’t happen? In the end, getting a man to commit is as much your responsibility as it is his. But the two of you need to be compatible from the get-go. Basically, you should be able to depend on each other when it comes to satisfying your mutual needs.
is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author.
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