17 Hidden Secrets That Will Save a Failing Marriage

By David Small •  Updated: 08/08/19 •  11 min read

So you are worried that your marriage could be failing, and wondering if there is anything to do or say that will save a failing marriage.

This article is full of ideas and concepts that have been tried and proven by many idividuals, who have saved they marriages from the brink of divorce.

When two people in a marriage grow complacent, the end result is the growth of a fissure which may result in divorce.

17 Hidden Secrets That Will Save a Failing Marriage

Photo by Andre Moura from Pexels

What people forget is that having a successful marriage takes hard work and dedication. Just what can you do to save a failing marriage?

In this write-up, we provide workable tips to help you revamp the relationship between the two of you.

What Are The Signs Of A Failing Marriage?

Long before a couple reaches a decision to file for divorce, they go through situations that point to a failing marriage.

Among the subtle signs of a marriage gone haywire is when the two of you no longer do things together.

Also, when you are constantly criticizing one another, then the marriage is not as strong as you would expect. When your spouse wants to do something, he or she first tells the friends.

If you ever find out what’s up, then you are the last to do so. Some couples in a failing marriage may keep disagreeing over the same subject over and over again.

However, one of the biggest signs of a failing marriage, which is also why marriages fail is the lack of intimacy.

When two people no longer find it easy to share the marriage bed, then the union is untenable.

Here are 17 hidden secrets that will save a failing marriage:


  1. Proper and Effective Communication

Why do marriages fail? Could be the reason you have friction in your marriage is due to ineffective communication. You keep bombarding him or her with endless worries and irritations.

In short, you never stop to listen or ask relevant questions. To save a failing marriage, you ought to practice skills involved in having a meaningful conversation with your spouse.

Ask about his or her day, feelings or project they are involved in. Avoid having conversations when you are stressed. Only talk after you have calmed down.

  1. Think of Reasons You Are Together

What really made you fall in love with him or her? It there anything about him or her that you found to be infinitely valuable? What’s so amazing about him or her?

Do you still have a reason to be in this relationship? The number one reason why marriages fail is when coupled forget what draws them to one another.

It is possible to save your failing marriage by going back to the foundation. With that, you will have a reason to work on the marriage.

Fix Your Marriage

  1. Engage in a Special Activity Together

What’s it that mutually excites the two of you? Is it a favorite restaurant or the place you met for the first time?

Whichever the case, bringing back good memories from the past can take you on the path to full recovery.

It is a sure way of reigniting passion and showing you why you need to fix the failing marriage. Alternatively, you could try out a completely new activity. Nothing out of the ordinary.

A walk in the park will do as long as it removes you from the home where bad memories of abounding. It shows you are committed enough to be together, just the two of you.

Related Article: 7 Tips That Will Save A Marriage From Brink Of Divorce

  1. Forgive Him or Her

One reason why marriages succeed or fail is forgiveness or lack of it. When you forgive, you get rid of the anger, bitterness, and animosity that’s already boiling in the relationship.

In essence, forgiveness is not about your partner. Rather, it is about your own wellbeing. It helps you forgo the negativity you might be harboring towards your spouse.

However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you will forget what happened. What forgiveness does is to stop you from carrying your past into the future. It frees you from hurtful memories, enabling you to make a fresh start.

  1. Cut out External Negativity

How often do you listen to and get influenced by outside voices? If it is often, then it is these voices that could be fueling toxicity in your marriage.

One of the signs of a failing marriage is when couples keep listening to others instead of yourselves. Identify the individuals bringing negative energy in your relationship and cut them out.

If you have been sharing relationship secrets, stop. When probed about what’s going on in your relationship, divulge as little information as possible.

After all, the people inquiring about your life may not hold any answers. So, why should you involve them in your affairs?

  1. Avoid Keeping Secrets

Who doesn’t hold secrets? One of the reasons people tend to hold onto secrets is to avoid hurting loved ones. That’s easy to understand.

However, you do not have to keep everything to yourself. A certain level of honesty and transparency can make your relationship stronger.

However, it takes courage to admit a mistake or share a secret. When you share secrets with your partner, you make it easier for them to open up too.

The more you open up to each other, the more likely you are to fix a failing marriage. Work on it.

  1. Stop Playing Victim

In any relationship, problems may come as a result of the actions of one spouse. Perhaps he cheated on you with your best friend. Or he no longer treats you as he used to.

Whatever the case, you should stop blaming your partner. If anything, you may not achieve much by trying to make your partner feel guilty about what happened.

It only brings you out as a miserable person. While you shouldn’t overlook what happened, you should look at it more positively.

Think about your positive attributes. Why don’t you show them to your spouse? He or she might just turn back thus saving the failing marriage.

  1. Clean Out the Trash

For some reason, you might be harboring a lot of pent-up hurt and anger. Holding dearly onto these negative emotions only breeds resentment.

That, in no way, helps a failing relationship. If you hold onto the anger, your relationship will only end up in divorce.

So, why don’t you and your partner come up with lists of the things that make you bitter and angry?

Sit down and go through the list of disappointments and mistakes each of you has caused the other.

Since it takes two to tango, you each need to recognize your part in the current debacle.

Once you realize your mistakes, apologize for them. Avoid commenting on your partner’s role in the mistake. That will only make things worse.

related Article: Habits Of Happy Couples: #13 Is Amazing Advice!

  1. Learn To Compromise

Why do marriages fail? Well, many couples do not know how to compromise. If you want to save a failing marriage, you must learn to compromise.

Each of you should be ready to accommodate the other in some ways.

No matter how wide the differences between the two of you, you will certainly find a middle ground if you are ready to compromise.

If you have no idea how to do it, talk to a counselor. He or she is trained to help identify and lead you towards a common middle ground.

However, you must both be willing to work to make the relationship stronger.

Fix Your Marriage

  1. Spend Time Away From Each Other

When your marriage is on the rocks, it doesn’t help to be in each other’s sight 24/7.

Make a point to get away from your spouse for a couple of days, a week or longer. Use this time to think things through and clear your emotions.

Perhaps you and your partner have been going through a lot of stressful moments lately. Going apart from each other is a good way of re-evaluating where you stand in the relationships.

You will also be able to be clear about the things you need to change.

Related Article: 50 Reasons Why Marriages Fail In The First Year

  1. Have a Total Makeover

When your marriage is just about to break up, you might be confused, stressed, and drained emotionally to care about your looks.

One of the signs of a failing marriage is when one partner goes into depression.

This can be seen in your looks. Have a haircut or hairdo. Put on makeup or exercise to lose weight. Whatever you do, you should make every effort to build your confidence levels.

Apart from changing the way your spouse looks at you, it will also build your self-esteem.

When you are confident, you will be more assertive and able to state what you want from the relationship.

  1. Prioritize the Relationship

You will end up with a failed marriage if you give precedence to other things. These include the children, careers, and extended family.

To rebuild your marriage, you need to put it first before any of these things.

The problem with some people is that they tend to give too much attention to the kids at the expense of the marriage.

To make your children happy, you have to show love to each other. You have to remember your first love.

When you first met, the children and the other distractions were nowhere in the picture. So, why should you allow them to destroy your marriage?

  1. The Little Things Will help To Save A Failing Marriage

One of the signs of a failing marriage is when you start taking one another for granted. No matter your partner’s efforts, you never see anything good in it.

So, learn to say “thank you” even the smallest things. When he cooks a meal, tell him how much that really means to you.

At the slightest opportunity, invite him for a date. On a Saturday afternoon, take the time to clean his car. Men, do the same for your women.

By paying attention to the small things, you will come out as someone who truly values the relationship.

  1. Choosing Your Friends Wisely

Show me your friends and I will tell you about the kind of marriage you have. In short, you cannot hang around people with troubled marriages and expect to have it any better.

That’s why you should surround yourself only with individuals in healthy relationships. Such people have the ability to show you how to fix a failing marriage.

They can also support you in your efforts to breathe life into the marriage.

  1. Seek the Services of a Counselor

There is a misconception that counseling services are too expensive. However, it is a little cheaper than a failed marriage.

When you think about it, the cost of divorce is nothing compared to the amount of money you pay for counseling services.

Essentially, a counselor will help you to get back on talking terms. During the sessions, you will be able to talk about the things that might have gone wrong and find solutions.

In fact, the mere demonstration of willingness to talk can go a long way in saving a failing marriage.

  1. Identify the Mistakes That Got You Here

Why is your marriage failing? Could you have grown apart? Did he or she cheat? Are you so busy with life that you no longer consider the marriage important?

Infidelity is one of the major causes of breakdown in marriages.

Another one is the lack of affection and care. In a marriage where the two of you no longer care for each other, theirs is likely to be zero warmth and sweetness.

In the end, you will have a failed marriage. How you handle crises also matters.

Related Article: 15 Warning Signs Of A Failing Marriage Relationship

  1. Reconnect with One Another

What do you need to reconnect with each other? It is important to go back to the basics. If you haven’t been spending time together, plan to start doing it.

Make time to chat on a daily basis. Share your feelings without any inhibitions. Talk about your frustrations.

Essentially, find a way back to each other. Only then will you be able to truly reconnect and fix the failing marriage.


Clearly, there are many secrets to saving a failing marriage. As you can see, they aren’t secrets as such.

Rather, they are everyday things you need to do to make your marriage stronger. The sooner you start practicing these things, the better and stronger your marriage will be.

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

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