17 Ways to Initiate Love-Making In Your Relationship

By David Small •  Updated: 04/25/17 •  14 min read

Love-making can be a problem for couples who have been married for some time. Many of them might have fallen into a boring routine that has killed the passion in the marriage.

It gets worse if it’s the man who is always initiating love-making. What many women don’t know is that they have the power to reignite the passion in the relationship.


However, many of them seem to have reasons why they shouldn’t be the initiators in the first place. The biggest mistake that many women make is the failure to initiate love-making. What this does is to set up an imbalance in the relationship.

If you are a woman hoping to have any sort of control in the relationship, you need to be the one initiating intimacy. Just how do you tell him you want to have sex with him? Jani Gardner suggests a tip for every day of the year. She writes this in her book 365 Ways to Seduce Your Very Own Husband.

I want to share with you the following 17 creative ways to initiate love-making in your relationship.

You cannot be successful initiating sex if you are not enthusiastic about it. You might already have gotten into habits that only come across as very boring. That’s exactly what Sandra Misti writes about in the book How to keep seducing your Husband. She says seducing your husband is much more than just standing there in your panties.

There has to be a little bit of enthusiasm applied in the whole process of initiating love-making. It is not always about whether your husband wants to have sex with you or not. As a woman, you have to be excited enough to be in the right frame of mind for sex. That’s the only way you are going to show enthusiasm about it and make your man want you sexually.

Men are, by their very nature, visual creatures. If you can access some sexy photos, send them in a series on his phone throughout the afternoon. Start with the more conservative ones. As time goes by, follow up with naughtier photos. That will go a long way to set the mood for a romantic encounter that evening.

Your husband will find it hard waiting to lay his eyes on you in person. All he will have on his mind is the picture you painted – that love-making is your top priority.

Some women were brought up thinking that women should not show they want sex. Most of them have, therefore, acquiesced and taken the backseat waiting to respond to his overtures. Forget what you were told in your childhood.

Even good girls want to have sex. If you think you fall into the good girl category of women, you can’t say you have no sex drive! There is no reason why you should be embarrassed about love-making. After all, it’s the very thing that makes a great marriage.

When you think about it, your husband knows you inside out. Since you got married, there is nothing about your body that he doesn’t know about. So why should you be embarrassed before him? Learn to tell him if you had a good time – he needs to know.

Once you can talk about love-making afterward, you will be more confident to talk about it before. Without fear, ask him if he wants to have you tonight. Being forthright with your man can also be a great turn-on.

You want your husband to know what’s coming his way. What you wear can show him what to expect. When out on a date, wear thigh-high stockings and a slit skirt up the side of one leg. Cross your legs and let him see your suspenders. This is a subtle way of helping him start to think about love-making. Make sure he is fantasizing about sex with you all throughout the dinner date.

Take things a notch higher by absent-mindedly stroking your knee or thigh. Do this by uncrossing and then re-crossing your legs. When out to the ladies, pull your skirt back down and give him a naughty look. Drive him crazy by building in him the urge to rip your skirt open and see what lies beneath it. If you are lucky to walk out of that restaurant, know you are in for a long night full of love-making.

If you are feeling embarrassed about initiating lovemaking, you may not give clear signals on what you want. Men by their very nature are very poor in reading the signs that women leave behind when they want sex.

You might think he is not interested in you yet he isn’t getting you, in the first place. This is the suggestion of Saad Alkharraz in his book How to Seduce Your Husband and Turn Him on. He says being forthright on what you want is likely to get you further than you can imagine.

You will be surprised how fast your husband will jump on the idea. If your husband has a higher sex drive in the marriage, he might be conditioned not to think about it. This is how he ensures he doesn’t wrongly get his love-making hopes up. You won’t get anywhere by remaining subtle about what you want. Being obvious will be easier for you and your husband.

Your husband might be into posh restaurants where you can only have a civilized conversation. Unknown to him, Love-makingyour biggest interest could be a night of mad passionate animal love-making with him.

Take the initiative and lead him to the part of town with late-night sex shops. You might tell him all you want is just to have a laugh and some random fun. Just don’t let him know your hidden motives.

Enter a sex shop and turn on your enthusiasm for all the naughty products on offer. He will certainly not forget his civilized evening out.

Ensure you take the opportunity to replenish your stock of condoms if you need them and any other sex toys you may want. Be sure to have a night-long love-making session, once you get home.

The reason why most women don’t initiate love-making is that they tend to talk themselves out of it. The culprit here is over-thinking about the whole process even before they do it.

It is called procrastination. Most of the time, it is just about wondering how your husband is going to take it. The result is the failure to even consider doing it.

This is what Nancy Scott suggests in her book Seducing Men. She says if you want to initiate love-making, you need to turn off those voices of doubt. Tell him you want to have sex with him as soon as the first thought comes to your mind.

Kiss him as you have never done before. As a woman, you probably don’t like when your man goes for it straight away. Men are not like that. For him, there is usually no need for the lead-up. So aim at your target and zero in on the love-making prize.

If you want your partner to relax after a hard day and reconnect with him physically, give him a massage. Use scented massage oils and put in place a romantic scene to help you feel sexy and sensual.

This, of course, is at the risk of him relaxing and falling asleep as a result of the massage. As you go about it, make sure he knows you’re interested in love-making.

Wear something that will direct his thoughts to Love-making and not the massage solely. When you feel him drifting in his own world, lower your body onto his so he feels your heat.

Kiss him so he will know exactly what is going on. Whip off your bra without his knowledge and lower the erect nipples of your breasts over his back. If this doesn’t arouse his love-making urges, what would?

Related Articles

For couples that have been married for a long time, you could be used to a quick peck on the cheek. If you want to achieve your love-making goals, ensure you give him a passionate kiss. He might be going out to work or coming back home after a long day. A long lingering kiss is much more likely to put both of you in a love-making mood.

This is one of 365 Ways to seduce your very Own Husband suggested by Jani Gardner. If you have the time, kiss him as much as you can so he knows you love him. This will definitely create a bond that will lead to a night of love-making.

Most of the time, you may not really need to talk about sex. After all, love-making is much more about the action than the words. Surprise him by getting behind him and wrapping your arms around him and letting them do the walking. As your hands begin to wander, nibble his ears in an obvious indication of what you want to happen next.

If you are relaxed on the couch watching television, let your hands move to places that will ignite his passion. No going round in circles. Send him a clear message by putting your hand where he wants it. If this doesn’t arouse him, lead him to the bedroom for love-making. You don’t have to say anything if that makes you feel shy. Take the bull by its horns and you will never, ever, regret it!

You may have initiated the process of love-making much earlier through texting or whispering in his ear. It’s definitely time to follow through with your intentions. It isn’t enough just to stop at the hints you have been leaving on his trail.

By now, your husband is likely to be having his engines all revved up. Ensure you set the right conditions for eventual love-making. Avoid doing anything that is going to get you too tired or make you want to collapse in bed and sleep.

If you have to watch a long movie, make love first. After all, it was your plan to have sex! It must, therefore, come as a priority, before any of the unnecessary detractors.

Your husband also wants to know that you mean what you say. How else will you prove yourself? Just follow through with what has been on your mind all day long. It may just turn out to have been worth the effort.

You need to let your man know how much you appreciate and still find him attractive. Looking out for the times he looks hot gives you the opportunity to say it to him. According to Nancy Scott, giving compliments is a sure way of Seducing Men.

Whatever you do, make your husband feel loved and appreciated. Take it further by letting him know why you see him that way. He needs to know that all you want is love-making. How else is he going to respond to you?


In today’s communication age, most of the communication that is done takes place through a screen. It could be a phone, tablet, or laptop. Somehow, communication on paper has become a thing of the past.

Going old school and sending your man a love letter will rouse his love-making instincts. Ensure you write what you want! Telling him how turned up you are feeling right now is bound to set the right mood.

You can only expect the eventual encounter between the two of you to be very explosive. State the time and place you expect to meet him and slip a condom into the envelope. It is all about working his imagination. If this doesn’t get you where you want as far as love-making is concerned, what would?

If you have been married for a long time, you have a way of referring to love-making without mentioning the word. Having an established secret sex code language can be a lot of fun. With such a language, you can communicate your sexual desires simply by referring to ordinary everyday things. You can use this coded language even while with friends and family as only the two of you understand it.

The sexy part of this language is the secrecy and intimacy involved in it. After all, it’s something only you can understand. If you haven’t developed yours yet, experiment with statements.

Alternatively, you can have special words you can signal into normal conversations to signal the desire for love-making. Whichever words or statements you come up with, ensure they stand out for just the two of you.

You are with your man in public, possibly on the bus headed home from work. Nothing prevents you from leaning over and giving him a lingering peck on the cheek or neck. Follow it up by seductively whispering in his ear that you are wearing red underwear, for example. This is bound to jolt his thoughts to the pressing issues of the moment – lovemaking.

Expect him to discreetly put his hand between your legs. That’s if he doesn’t take you to some quiet place for a quickie. Whatever happens, your husband will not rest until he has lived out your desire. He is likely to keep thinking about love-making all through the rest of the evening.

You may, as a couple, be already used to having long and boring DVD nights. Although they may be cozy and comfortable, they are also likely to be predictably boring. That’s especially if you are in the mood for love-making action.

If you are sure you want the day to end with love-making, choose a hot film. As it gets hot in the film, show him how hot you are feeling. Start by taking off some clothes to show a little bit more of your skin. To push the temperature higher, lean forward and kiss him. If that doesn’t send the message as you want it, simply grab his manhood and massage it.

If you have managed to get your husband’s attention, and he’s taking you to bed, dive right into the action. Pam Spurr suggests that you have Fabulous Foreplay. After all, love-making can be very boring if you just remained inactive through it all.

Only that women don’t know they need to be active during sex. Touching him does it well. If he doesn’t know where to take his hand, guide him. Even if it isn’t all the way, try to be the aggressor. Find a comfortable position and settle in it. If you have to be on top of him, do it. He might just like it a lot.

By being active, you help him know you are into the whole love-making session. The mistake most women do is lying there on the back doing nothing. What happens is the man ends up doing much of the love-making.

This not only comes out as boring but also tells your husband you are not interested in what you are doing. So, show him you are interested and you want it for yourself, not just for him.


Women tend to worry that the guy will see them coming out too strong whenever they initiate love-making. That isn’t necessarily true.

Nancy Scott in Seducing Men says your husband is more likely to worry if you never lust about him. What a man wants is a woman who is more direct, rather than subtle. Go on and make the first move! He’s your man and you’re his Lady!

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
error: Content is protected !!