21 Ways To Enjoy Passionate Sex In Your Relationship

By David Small •  Updated: 04/02/17 •  14 min read

Passionate sex is something you can attain in your relationship. Traditionally, female sexual health is a topic surrounded by a lot of myths and misunderstandings.

Although the internet is full of material on how to improve male libido, it is not easy to find helpful materials for women. Yet it is every woman’s desire to have great sex.

Passionate Sex

The problem is that only a few have mastered the art required to have passionate sex. But who says you cannot experience passionate sex? Many relationships have gone sour because of sex-related problems.

In a 2013 study published in the International Journal of Communication Networking Systems, indicated that sexual dissatisfaction among either partner was identified as one of the major causes of divorce.

This was a validation of an earlier study done in 2003  and published in the Journal of Family Issues that suggested infidelity is the major source of divorce in marriage.

In another study done in 2007 and published in the Journal of Family Psychology, it was established that the major cause of marital infidelity is sexual dissatisfaction in marriage. Yet, achieving long-lasting sex is not rocket science.


I want to share with you the 21 Ways To Enjoy Passionate Sex Your Relationship that I have discovered:

Although you might be addicted to porn, you should know that it is not real sex,  it’s all fiction. If learning to have passionate sex is what you are looking for, porn is not the solution.

What it does is to make you feel inferior. Porn is all about what looks good on camera. Nothing is authentic and even the orgasms are all fake.

Comparing yourself to porn actors doesn’t do you any good. Unfortunately, people who depend on porn do so because they have no other dependable lessons about sex.

If anything, you don’t have to stay as long as porn stars. Remember, porn films are full of edits and other tricks that make the stars look like they are performing at their best.

We can all take a little extra care when thinking about dressing and undressing in the bedroom. Choose sexy underwear that feels and looks good and that will add an edge of naughtiness to making love.

Dress up in a role play outfit and head into fantasy land, or wear an outfit that flatters and enhances your shape.

Take time undressing, or passionately unpeel clothes from one another. Keep your mind only on the other person, how they look, how they feel, how much thought is going into the seduction and allow it to add to the pleasure of the foreplay, paying attention to every detail.

It doesn’t even have to be dirty; just whispering to one another whilst making love can be enough to heighten the connection and desire.

Talking through what feels good, what the bodies are craving and whether more or less pressure or movement is welcomed can be a huge turn-on for couples. And of course, talking dirty can also add to the eroticism if desired.


Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

Keep sex exciting by regularly trying something new in the bedroom. Either by using props or toys such as handcuffs, a vibrator or blindfolds, or watch a soft porn movie together.

Read sections of an erotic book to one another or have sex in places you normally wouldn’t. It won’t matter how subtle or drastic the change, just doing things a little differently will spice things up.

Often the same few positions are repeated again and again. A little research on the Internet or reading from a book on techniques can add inspiration. Or, using the imagination and a bit of trial and error can be more fun and adventurous way to explore one another.

Don’t be afraid: if one position isn’t working for both partners, just move back to something more enjoyable. If new positions aren’t working, try new places to have sex.

Completely forget about the destination and enjoy only the journey. Focus on what feels good in each moment.

Keep the mind present and notice each touch, movement, breath and feel how much pressure is being used with each body part. Pay particular attention to how the bodies feel, pressed together naked and filled with desire.

Listen to everything that the other body is saying, how it moves, what is pleasurable, when to slow down and when to speed up. Keep nudging your mind back to the present.

Take away all pressure of orgasm, leaving the only response to enjoy each other fully, completely naked, intimately connected and entirely engaged.


Photo by Shanique Wright on Unsplash

Forget the old idea that you can have passionate sex by thinking about something non-erotic. The truth is that by focusing on other things, you might end up more aware of how anxious or freaked out you are at that moment.

This means you will be achieving the exact opposite of what you are trying to do. So try to control your body by being in the present moment. Sexual intercourse is all about enjoyment and developing a strong bond with your partner.

The Journal of Sexual Medicine published an article in 2010 that suggested, women who focus on penile-vaginal sensation tend to enjoy more vaginal orgasm and passionate sex.

Taking attention out of the sexual experience will only result in casual, meaningless sex. Although you will physically be present, your mental absence could lead to even more problems in relationships.

If you are a woman looking for passionate sex, you might want to consider foreplay. It is a sure way of alleviating the anxiety and excitement you get in anticipation of penetrative sex. With a relaxed mind, you can be sure to have more passionate sex.

This was the subject of a 2006 study published by Springer. The found that the non-conscious associations women have about sex predict the impaired ability for them to reach orgasm.

Most women need direct clitoral stimulation of foreplay to give them lots of pleasure before the actual sexual act. A 2008 study published in the Journal of Reproductive Medicine, found that clitoral stimulation leads to contraction of vaginal walls leading to better penile arousal and consequently more passionate sex for the man and woman.

The first thing you might want to learn about having passionate sex is how to control your pubococcygeus (PC) muscles. In women, these muscles support the bowel, bladder, and uterus.

The role of these muscles in sex was the subject of a 2000 study published in the  Acta Obstetricia et Gynecologica Scandineviva Journal, The study found that exercising pelvic floor muscles can improve the quality of sex.

Yet there are a number of factors that can lead to weakness in these muscles. These factors include advanced age, multiple childbirths, menopause, and high levels of estrogen, long-term use of pregnancy control pills, pelvic floor surgeries, traumatic childbirth, obesity, and chronic constipation.

The lost strength of PC muscles can result in decreased sexual desire. So, you need to exercise these muscles to improve your sexual experience.

21 Ways To Enjoy Passionate Sex In Your Relationship

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Having sex is like an intense workout that drains lots of your energy. You, therefore need to be physically fit to manage passionate sex.

You might not have the energy or the endurance to go beyond the average minutes and leave your partner unsatisfied. Working out ensures your heart rate is maxed and your endurance is enough for long sexual intercourse.

Getting into sex doubting you will last long only increases your chances of finishing fast and leaving your partner disappointed. So get over those insecurities or you will end up finishing earlier than you expect or want. When you are insecure, you will become stressed.

Your body will sense the stress and make you feel unsafe to want to be naked. If your body responds by accelerating orgasm it may make it difficult for you to get aroused. So, summon all the confidence you can master and you will definitely have passionate sex.

Practicing deep breathing can help you get rid of tension and avoid having a disappointing fast finish. Shallow, short breathing only speeds up your heartbeat leading to shorter sex sessions.

So ensure you learn deep breathing patterns in simple easy steps. Try breathing deeply for five seconds and hold your breath for three seconds. Repeat the five seconds move and hold your breath for another three seconds.

Do this over and over again until you can breathe deeply without so much effort. Once you are sure you can do this for five minutes continuously, use it to your advantage in bed.

Also, learn to focus on your partner’s breathing to be able to manage to build an intimate connection with passionate sex. The secret is to start deep breathing before the sex starts.

Enjoy Passionate Sex

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If you are looking to have more passionate sex, try natural supplements meant to boost your libido. The supplements work by correcting hormonal imbalances to help you get a better sexual experience. You might want to try supplements containing ginseng, which is a centuries-old remedy for improving male and female libido.

In a 2010 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, it was found that oral administration of ginseng extracts greatly improved sexual arousal in menopausal women.

You can get yourself over-the-counter pills to have passionate sex. Using bed spray may also enable you last longer in bed. These sprays contain vagina oils that you may apply directly into your vagina.

Such products increase lubrication during sex and help improve the blood supply to your genitals for passionate sex.

The problem with most women is that they are content to house their feelings and keep everything to themselves. Most women will, therefore, not talk about their bedroom problems to anyone.

It is good to talk to your partner, discuss your expectations, and tell him your limitations. Many times, simple acts such as this can reignite the flame in relationships and help you have passionate sex.

Another thing here is to ensure you differentiate between a serious health problem and something you can fix with the tips above. If it is a major problem, you might require medical intervention. However, for something you can handle, follow the tips mentioned here to help you deal with the problem once and for all.

If you are having trouble getting aroused, experiencing pain during or after intercourse, having any bleeding during or after intercourse, and have a significant decline in your orgasm time, talk to a doctor.

This could indicate a serious health issue than just not having passionate sex. So get yourself checked and fix the underlying health problem.

Passionate Sex In Your Relationship

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Some women face the problem of not lasting sexually long enough to satisfy their partners. This can be a great source of problems in the relationship.

In simple words, solving sexual problems might put you in a better position to solve relationship problems. While relationships are not and should not be purely based on sexual activity, sex plays a vital role.

As such, failure to meet each other’s sexual needs can only result in anxiety. Your ability to control this will greatly determine whether you have passionate sex or not.

Sometimes, the issue can be as simple as performance anxiety and yet be so overpowering that it can divert your attention from enjoying sex to trying to last longer.

Being excessively conscious about your performance even when you are doing great can leave you disappointed and frustrated for not being able to do better.

As you try to figure ways to last longer in bed naturally, you should not undermine the place of food. There are lots of foods that are scientifically proven to improve female libido.

Some of these foods include high-fat milk, ginger, broccoli, figs and bananas, fatty fish, meat, chocolate, pumpkin seeds, citrus fruits like pineapple and oranges, eggs and poultry, lettuce and other green leafy vegetables, papaya Raspberries, blueberries, figs, and watermelon.

A 2010 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine suggests that the use of natural aphrodisiacs like chocolate can greatly improve levels of passionate sex for both men and women.

Mental health just like physical health is important in having a healthy sexual relationship. Psychological issues like depression can be a major turn-off for your partner. These issues not only make you stressed mentally and physically but can also affect your desire to have sex.

In a 2002 study published in The Journal of Sex Research, it was established that women with depressive symptoms are more likely to have inhibited sexual arousal, reduced orgasm, and painful sex. So, if you are looking to have passionate sex, consult a psychiatrist.


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Although a glass or two of wine may help you get started, habitual drinking can have a negative effect on your overall sexual health. Alcohol leads to an imbalance in the levels of female hormones which manifests as reduced sexual drive.

A study published in 2011 by, The Journal of Psychoactive Drugs, established that the use of alcohol and drugs reduces sexual functioning in both men and women.

Smoking not only alters your libido but reduces the amount of blood flow to the genitals. This can lead to vaginal dryness, reduced clitoral sensitivity and altered levels of female hormones leading to the lack of passionate sex.

Another reason why you may feel uninterested in sex is being too tired for making love. To keep your sexual spirits high, you need a daily dose of seven to eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

This was the subject of a 2011 study published in the Journal of Brain Research. The study established that sleep deprivation can drive down passionate sex in relationships by lowering sex hormones in both men and women.

As you approach menopause, you may start to experience a dried vagina. This may result in painful sexual experience thus reducing the level of passionate sex your partner and you have.

You can easily correct this phenomenon with lubricating liquids and gels which are an artificial way of avoiding painful sex. Not taking care of, it can result in reduced libido in both men and women leading to relationship tensions.

Each brand will have a slightly different texture to it and will give an added thrill to foreplay and sex. They are also available in so many different flavors that it’s very easy to find one that is highly enjoyable.

Some people will enjoy a lot of lubricants, others may prefer very little. Talk openly about what feels good, smells good and tastes good.  If you discover that the lubricants are no longer working, discuss your options with your doctor.


There is no reason why you should go on suffering from a lack of passionate sex when there is a lot you can do about it.

Take on one or more of the suggestions above and you are likely to enjoy sex more. After all, there is nothing that binds people in relationships together more than passionate sex.

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

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