Great Sex: 10 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life

By David Small •  Updated: 10/02/16 •  14 min read

Are you dreaming of having great sex? If your sex life has started to suffer, and affected your marriage. It’s as simple as that.

Over time, the passion and fire for your partner can really diminish and this is a huge problem. You need to have a healthy and passionate love life with your partner if you want to have a solid relationship.

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Intimacy and sex are important, no matter what anyone else says. This intimacy helps to keep your relationship more than just friends. If you and your partner aren’t having great sex anymore then that isn’t good.

For some couples, the bedroom used to be a playground, but now it has lost that fun. Now the bedroom has become a time to watch the late-night news or read a book then go to sleep. This isn’t healthy. You have a nice big cozy bed and you should want to get naked and have a solid ramp in it. If this isn’t happening in your marriage, then you need to fix things.

It’s never too late to rediscover the passion or turn things up a notch in your relationship. Find out what you can do, starting today, to completely transform the intimate relationship you have with your spouse from this

  1. Just do it!

Studies show that many people who report a lack of interest in sex respond just fine once they’re in the midst. “Most women assume that mental desire must precede physical arousal and that if the desire isn’t there, well, they must not like sex,” says marital therapist Michele Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage. “But for many women, that’s not true. The next time your husband approaches you, just do it, she says.

See if the light bulb turns on. One common libido dampener for women who are years into a relationship: comparing their desire with the drive they felt in the early days of the union. “Don’t wait for the fireworks,” Weiner-Davis says. “Work with the embers. You have to find out what you need to feel sexier. Go out and buy new underwear—not for him, but for you.”

Am I doing it right? Does she like what I’m doing? What if I freak her out? Geez. Relax man. Why don’t you just do your thing and the rest will take care of itself? The more anxious and nervous you are, the more awkward it’s going to be with you and your girl. Stop the insecurity. Just let it rip!

  1. Put a stop to distraction.

According to brain scan research, women’s brains are naturally more active than men’s, even during sex. The reason: lower levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. “Dopamine creates the desire to go after a reward—in this case, an orgasm,” explains Anita Clayton, MD, clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Virginia and author of Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy.

Dopamine also increases the flow of sensory impulses to the genitals, essential for arousal. But low levels of dopamine caused by chronic stress or medical conditions can distract you during sex. Ask your doctor about a supplement that contains the hormone DHEA, which normally spikes right before orgasm to enhance desire and focus, and may increase dopamine production.

Taking 300 mg of DHEA an hour before sex significantly increased both mental and physical arousal in postmenopausal women, according to a study published in the Journal of Women’s Health & Gender-Based Medicine.

Clayton only recommends 25 to 50 mg and warns that DHEA can affect some people’s cholesterol levels, however. So be sure to check with your doctor before taking it.

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  1. Pamper yourself

The skin-on-skin contact stimulates the sex hormone oxytocin,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. “The more oxytocin released, the more desire a woman will feel.” If you don’t want to spring for a full hour-plus session, tack on a 10-minute session at the nail salon after a manicure.

Now you can move on to other things. Give your spouse a sexy massage one night and turn your bed into something else than just a place to hang out and watch TV. Turn the TV off, turn the lights down low and grab some massage oils. This is incredibly sensual and very much a turn-on for both of you. You can switch it up and give each other massages and share the wealth.

Having your partner naked from the waist up and feeling their soft skin between your fingers will definitely get you revved up and they will get aroused as well. This is a great way to make the bedroom hotter and to get your love life back on track.

Then you can simply try to stimulate your partner in a different way, such as with erotic lap dance. This may be a great way to jumpstart intimacy with your partner and to really get the juices flowing again. Start slow and listen to your partner’s body and you will be able to have a great sex session that you have been craving for so long.

  1. Add a few thrills.

After a few years together, it’s easy to get lazy in bed. But you both deserve better. “If you don’t put energy into your relationship, you won’t get energy out of it,” says Davidson, a great relationship expert.

If you’ve been doing and following the same old rituals in the sack, it’s time to upgrade your techniques. There are many tips you can get from the internet, magazine, or your old porn stuff. Be open to new things. That’s what keeps life interesting.

Research shows that new and adventurous activities may stimulate the brain to produce dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays a key role in sexual desire. Do something daring outside the bedroom and dopamine levels may skyrocket — along with your sex drive.

Explore new positions every time you make love to your partner. Men, in particular, love to have something new to lovemaking, so if you are a woman trying to improve and have a great sex life, you can start by learning and changing positions every time. Of course, adding an element of surprise to your lovemaking can be a turn-on to your man.

If you are a man wanting to give the best sex to your partner, learn how you can make your woman reach orgasm. Sex should not be limited to what you want from your partner but of course, what you can give. You will eventually find out that giving her an orgasm will also please you, boost your ego and of course, arouse you as well says Carolyn Anderson, a relationship expert.

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  1. Break a sweat beforehand.

If you want to have a great sex life, you and your partner need to get active. Regular workouts can do wonders for your sexual health, keep you in shape, and help you to look more attractive to your partners. It’s highly recommended that both of you exercise together for 30 minutes, at least 3 sessions a week. If you want faster results, try Yoga. There are specific positions in Yoga that help to improve sexual performance.

For some people, exercising too close to bedtime makes it hard for them to sleep. Take advantage of that found energy. “After 35 to 40 minutes of moderate exercise, everything in your body is going right,” says Janet Hyde, Ph.D., a professor of psychology and women’s studies at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. “Your blood is circulating, your nervous system is firing, so scheduling sex right after you exercise makes for great sex.”

Exercise stimulates not only the body but the nervous system and the brain,” says Davidson. “So you’re more physiologically excited and more receptive to great sex.” Exercise strengthens your cardiovascular system, improves circulation, and gets the blood flowing to all the right places.

It also gets you in the mood by reducing stress and boosting your self-esteem. Working out gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment, says Berman. “When you do it consistently, it makes you feel good about yourself.”

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  1. Read Erotic Novels and Watch Erotic Movies

Erotic literature can quickly jump-start arousal, says Carol Queen, Ph.D., a sexologist who works at Good Vibrations, a female-owned sex shop in San Francisco. She recommends the Herotica series, written by women, and The Diary of Anais Nin. “Perfect for anyone who’s not ready to get into bold four-letter words,” says Queen

Researchers at the Canada’s University of British Columbia and Israel’s Hadassah University Hospital measured reactions among 24 women watching an erotic film, then again after the subjects had attended three mindfulness meditation courses.

Watching the same movie, the women were markedly more turned on than during the first viewing. “Mindfulness can directly change brain processing and allow women to experience arousal more acutely,” says study co-author Lori Brotto, Ph.D.

Watching Erotic movies is one of the best ways to help you to enjoy great sex life and bring the magic back into it. There’s nothing wrong with watching porn together with your partner and following the exact same steps.

Most adult movies have some of the best tactics and ways to perform in bed and keep the magic alive. Therefore, it is always better to watch porn with your partner and learn from it if you don’t know what new to do in bed tonight.
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  1. Schedule Sex

There have been a number of books, such as 365 Days, A Memoir Of Intimacy, and articles lately about couples who have reignited their sex lives by committing to having sex every day. They claim it has helped their relationships by improving not only their sex but their communication and commitment.

One woman, in an article in the Times of London, said by scheduling daily sex, the couple had “screwed themselves together” again. I like that turn of phrase. Leave it to our friends the Brits!

Others are writing about scheduling sex less frequently, but scheduling it nevertheless. This is interesting because the schedule not only assures there will be sex but relieves the pressure on the “off” days. They say this allows them to cuddle and be close without the pressure of wondering if this is going to lead to sexual requests.

Scheduling also has the advantage of helping with our busy schedules, chronic exhaustion, and the distractions of everyday life. No matter your reaction to this notion of scheduling your sexual time, discuss it with your partner and find out what the two of you want.

Put your own spin on this and see what you can create that makes you both happy. After all, the most important part of the sexual relationship is your agreement about what you want as a couple.

  1. Communicate 

It takes two to tango. Two ways communication is vital if you want to have great sex. Always ask her questions like “what would you like me to do more for you?”, or “is there anything you don’t like?” If she’s shy, it never hurts to exchange text messages or emails.

Remember this: if she mentions something she doesn’t like, never, never repeat that action again. It’s a sure-fire way to improve sex life quality, avoid her nagging and make her feel more appreciated.

Men want to be your knight in shining armor when it comes to sex — they’re eager for you to tell them what feels good,” says Berman. “The problem is, so many women are out of touch with their bodies they have no idea what to say.” Help him, and yourself, by showing him what turns you on.

Put your hand on top of his and guide him in how you want to be touched — including how much pressure to use. When you’re ready to move on to oral sex or to bring in a few sex toys, speak up. “This is the only way he’s going to know what works for you,” says Berman.

So all I’m saying is, stop trying to guess what each other wants out of your sex life now that the novelty of being together has worn off. Take ONE night, pour a glass of wine, and just have an open chat about it. The more you are open with one another, the more likely you’ll figure out how to improve your sex life!

  1. Foreplay is the beginning of Great sex

This does not mean grabbing her and grappling with her. Embrace her, walk her to the door, move objects that may be in the way – in other words, be the perfect gentleman who is caring and looking to keep her comfortable. This tip works like no other – believe me! The other tips are super important, but this seems to be the most  powerful

Kissing is a great place to start and it is a great platform to work from. Deep and very passionate kissing is extremely sexy and it usually tends to lead to clothes being torn off. Kissing is very sensual and everyone appreciates a deep kiss from time to time.

If it has been a while since you have felt your spouse’s lips on your own, don’t be afraid to lean in and get a smooch from them. It will definitely help you to have great sex in the bedroom tonight.

The actual sex can be increased by ten if your foreplay practice is outstanding. Great sex is very much mental as well as physical. When we warm our bodies up through sensual foreplay practice, we are also warming our minds up and opening them up to experience even more pleasurable than usual.

So really work on foreplay techniques. Caress each other longer, tease one another in new and exciting ways, and take your time to sexually warm each other up, both physically and mentally.

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  1. Looking good

According to a study published in the scientific journal PLoS ONE, eating lots of vegetables and fruits is a natural way to make the skin more attractive and appealing to your partner. Fruits and vegetables contain large amounts of antioxidants and pigments which give the skin a healthy tone.

Tracksuits pants may be comfortable around the house, but they won’t light any fires in the boudoir and help you have better sex. If you spend most of your time together in the evening, dress to impress, even if you’re hanging out to get into your sweats. It will pay off later, even if you’re not in the mood tonight.

Wear something cute to bed. It doesn’t have to be sexy lingerie, but don’t throw on a ratty old T-shirt either. “This is a subtle way of not taking your partner for granted,” says Kingsberg. “Create an atmosphere that says, ‘I think we’re worth it.'”Do little things to make you feel sexy.

The conclusion reached by researchers at Manchester University – Lips are the most attractive part of the female body, especially if they are applied with red lipstick. During the experiment, the men maintained looking at women’s lips with painted red lipstick for seven full seconds. For comparison – they looked at eyes for just 0.95 seconds, and hair – 0.85 seconds.

Just look good in any way you can if you want to attract your partner and have great sex

Finally,

Your sex life is one important aspect of your relationship or your married life, and at times, stale sex life can even destroy your relationship. If you want to improve your sex life or make something new to pleasure your partner, you can actually learn a lot from research.

Sex is healthy and it sure is a stress-reliever. It’s a good way to unwind and most importantly, a sure way to get intimate with your girl. However, there is just a point in time when you start to wonder why things suddenly feel like a routine and the usual spark suddenly becomes less fiery than before.

Most couples struggle with intimacy at some point. They’re either both too tired, too stressed or simply not that interested anymore. It doesn’t have to be that way. Don’t waste one more minute wishing things were different in the bedroom, change it now. Follow these 10 simple things and you will experience great sex all the time.

Images courtesy of photo stock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of imagery majestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of photo stock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.