How To Rebuild Trust In Your Marriage: 21 Ways

By David Small •  Updated: 04/07/15 •  12 min read

How to rebuild trust in your marriage is the result of extensive research and insight that I have gleaned from my years of counseling individuals.

21 Healthy Ways To Rebuild Trust In Your Marriage

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Trust is a key element needed in any marriage or relationship. Whenever you commit to sharing your life with another person, you need to realize that you can rely on him or her.

They need to share the same values and have similar beliefs as you do which help build trust.

Lost trust is any marriage or relationship that can make love between the man and his wife really sour, and the effect quickly turns into a sorry marriage in the end for both of them.

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However, “Rebuilding trust when it’s been broken is not dependent on the person that broke it, or how many times they can prove they have been honest.

It is dependent on the other person who has decided never to trust anymore.

Though they may be justified in their decision not to trust, and as long as they choose not to, the relationship or marriage has no hope of survival. But when they decide to trust again, there is hope reborn.”

In this article, I want to share with you “21 Healthy Ways To Rebuild Trust In Your Marriage”.


#1: Forgive.

Forgiving your spouse for something that has put the marriage on high alert is probably the hardest thing to do. Look at yourself, and ask yourself, why can’t I forgive?

Why do I not want to forgive? This is a question that needs to be addressed.

The reason most couples don’t forgive each other is that they want to stay safe in the feeling that un-forgiveness gives them.

We don’t want to come out of the negative way we feel about our spouse because we are angry and resentful inside.

If you want your marriage to be free from these unhealthy emotions you will certainly need to forgive each other.

#2: Cease Erring Against the Marriage.

If marriage trust can be broken, then someone in the marriage either went astray or did something else to break the bonds of the trust binding the marriage.

Whatever that err was, that spouse NEEDS to quit and desist in their erring ways.

If you are reading this article then I am positive that you would like to stop erring against your spouse. Because you can’t expect your spouse to forgive you if you cannot stop erring in your ways, can you?

#3: Communicate Feelings.

Ask yourself, when was the last time I had an intimate conversation with my spouse? Has it been long? Don’t hold back your feelings; it’s fine to show emotion once in a while.

When we use our feelings productively we are communicating in a good way that will get the issue on the right track to being solved.

By trusting in what your spouse says, you will definitely rebuild the trust with your spouse. Intimate conversation involves getting close to each other through your words and feelings.

This helps to bring back the bonds of the marriage when we express our feelings properly and honestly.

#4: Accept Your Spouse.

The word acceptance is so MUCH of importance for any successful marriage to run its full course. Without acceptance of one another, there will never be trust.

The term Trust needs to be validated in the marriage. This is why you have broken the trust-bond, you now need to forgive and accept.

These two things go hand in hand. To sincerely forgive means you have decided to rethink your whole attitude about your spouse.

So there is no more room left for browbeating your spouse about something they did in the past, especially if you have decided to forgive completely

#5: Discover Purpose Together.

A spiritually neglected marriage has a high tendency of ending with a sorry end. It’s really that simple. Today, too many couples go their separate ways and instead of growing together in the union, they grow apart, damaging the intimacy between them.

But a very healthy marriage involves a spiritual togetherness that nothing can separate. Find things that you and your spouse like together and go after those things.


Photo by Timo Stern on Unsplash

#6: Honesty.

Honestly is one of the building blocks to create trust. No hiding, No secrets. We all know that keeping secrets and being dishonest, even if it is about something as small as hiding a pack of cigarettes, can create differences.

Dishonesty is a common marital problem that doesn’t erase itself with time. Admitting to your mistakes or errors, sincerely apologizing and making a genuine effort to not repeat it again will definitely take you one step closer to being closer than ever and reconnect with your spouse. Deception damages a relationship.

The act of lying is much more damaging than the things that are being lied about because lying undermines the knowing of one another and the connection itself.” Dr. Henry Cloud. The author of “Boundaries in marriage”

#7: Time.

Everything in this life usually takes time. You need and endurance.  Begin to show your spouse now that you trust them. Prove to them that you have stopped erring against the marriage so that you can gain back their trust again.

It is time to take responsibility, stop erring. Seek God, communicate properly, and trust will be built back in your marriage.

#8: Be Consistent.

When you are in the process of rebuilding trust, do your very best to be consistent in your words and your actions.

Consistency breeds security and eventually restores the trust you have been craving for.

#9: Don’t Retaliate.

Just like It’s been said, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and then hoping the other person dies!”

when we have been wronged in a relationship, we usually have an urge to punish the person who wronged us. Because we want them to feel the pain that they have caused us, however, this kind of thinking hurts everyone involved and damages trust even more.

When wronged in a marriage, endeavor to give clear and specific guidelines for how trust can be restored, but don punishes the other person.

#10: Don’t Keep Secrets.

In marriage, secrets are as dangerous as lies. Normally, your spouse should have a master key to every part of your life.

Never have a conversation you wouldn’t want them to hear, view a website you wouldn’t want them to see or go to someplace you wouldn’t want them to know about. Absolute transparency is vital to building complete trust in any marriage.”

#11: Keep the love alive.

The bible clearly points out that, “Love covers over a multitude of sins” I personally love that picture of love being so powerful enough to cover our imperfections and fill in the cracks and holes of our broken hearts.

Keep loving each other and allow God to use the power of love and grace to bring wholeness and healing to your relationship.

#12: Understand the difference between forgiveness and trust.

Forgiveness and trust are two different things. When you have been wronged, forgiveness is what you give (which is “Grace”), but you should give trust slowly (which is “common sense!”).

This is because forgiveness by its own very nature cannot be earned; it can only be given. On the other hand, trust by its very nature cannot be given; it can only be earned.

So forgiveness has to come first and then grace can pave the way to restoration and renewed trust in a grand style.

Rebuild Trust

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#13: Practice the three A’s: Affection, Attention, and Appreciation daily.

Show your partner how much you love and appreciate them in big and small ways every day. Your partner means eds the opportunity to work through things with you. So at a minimum, you need to be emotionally present.

However, physical presence can help further, as it will counteract your partner’s feelings that you don’t value him or her.  So the bottom line here is you to Be Around!

#14: Make Your Partner Feel #1 Again.

When you have erred in a relationship, you probably gave some else attention and value that normally you would reserve for your own partner.

As a result, this may make your partner feel that you don’t value them, or that they lack the things you sought in what took your attention away.

As part of your effort to restore and rebuild trust again, it is up to you to counteract these feelings and convince them that you will not betray them again so that your marriage can come back to normalcy.

#15: Be Dependable.

In every marriage, being able to rely and depend on one another is crucial. Taking any big or small decision, work or home-related issues, children, everything has to be done keeping your marriage in mind. Any decision you or your significant other makes affects both of you with regards to how to rebuild trust in your marriage.

So on the topic of rebuilding trust in a marriage, being reliable is a “key” step. It brings about this feeling of security for both and keeps the enemies of the marriage always at bay.

#16: Be willing to temporarily give up some freedom.

When an arm is broken, it has to be put in a cast to restrict its motion so that it can have time to heal. When you have broken trust in any way, you must be sincerely willingly again to temporarily give up certain freedoms and accept certain restrictions to allow time for healing.

However, this is usually the most uncomfortable part of the process, but it’s vital.

#17: Renew Your Commitment.

This part is very essential if you are looking to restoring trust again. It can be as simple as saying “I know this is going to be hard and I know that we are going to have troubles”, here I’m here. I want to be in this marriage. I want to be with you again, let’s work this thing together.

Now, the bottom line here is that it will really take a person of humbleness to make such bold steps and confession.

This is the character every marriage partner should imbibe in building and restoring trust in the marriage adventure.

#18: Arrive on Time.

If you say to your spouse that you will be over at 7, but miss your train, call him or her to say you will be closer to 8:10. “Being on time isn’t just considerate: it’s part of being able to count on someone,” says Joel Block Ph. D.

Because the moment your partner believes that they can count on you, then he or she will make more of an effort to show they are equally dependable, that is how to rebuild trust in your marriage.

#19: Take Your Partners Side…Or At Least Be Diplomatic.

Sometimes it’s more important to be supportive that it is to be right. When you are brought in an argument between your spouse and their buddy, stand up for your partner.

And when it seems that your partner is wrong? Say, “You both have good points, and I can see where you are both coming from.” Then, discuss it later in private.

21 Healthy Ways To Rebuild Trust In Your Marriage

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#20: Don’t Judge.

Every time your partner tells you something personal, like the major mistake he or she made at work- it’s a critical moment that can either strengthen your intimacy or deteriorate it, says Block.

If you criticize their behavior or dismiss their feelings, he or she will think twice about confiding in you the next time.

So to make your partner feel accepted and promote more self-disclosure, express empathy and suggest solutions.

And if he or she judges you? Say this: “I need to feel safe confiding in you and right now I feel attacked.”

#21: Plan Date Nights.

“Trust is learned and earned, you will grant it, over time, to those who act supportive, dependable and trustworthy,” says Laura Luchies Ph. D. To give your partner opportunities to strut their stuff, ask them to make decisions that affect you.

You can start small: either of the both of you can choose a restaurant. So when your partner finally picks a place that suits your palate, not the burger joint they frequent with their friends, you will feel more comfortable relying on them for bigger decisions.

“A marriage without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it as long as you want but it won’t go anywhere.” –


On an ending note on how to rebuild trust in your marriage, trust is a tricky thing.

This is the basis of every healthy marriage. It is the “master key” that makes intimacy possible. It can be simultaneously strong and at the same time fragile.

This takes enormous effort and time to build, but it can be broken in just one night. So be careful in the way you treat your partner.

“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair”





David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

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