It is foolhardy to expect the honeymoon phase of marriage to last forever. For some marriages, it may take a few months, for others, a couple of years. Eventually, the honeymoon ends and you must now put work into making the marriage work.
It is especially important to watch out for the inevitable rough patches that arise along the way. In the end, you want your mirage to be functional, fulfilling, and happy. But just what are some of the best successful marriage tips? In this write-up, we discuss the elements of a successful marriage.
What Is A Successful Marriage?
It’s hard to find a single way of defining a successful marriage. In fact, only the people involved in a marriage can say whether it is successful or not.
However, there are a few ingredients that make part of a successful marriage. Some of the elements of a successful marriage include self-respect, room for each partner to grow, encouragement to be independent, respect, honor, and love.
However, this doesn’t mean that such a marriage is free of disagreements and arguments. In fact, arguments make a key part of a happy marriage. What’s required is clear communication with the view of resolving differences. A marriage counselor can help you talk about your issues.
Here are some of the best marriage tips and advice.
1. Exercise Independence
Happiness in marriage begins with you. If you aren’t happy within, there is no way you can claim to have a happy marriage. One of the marriage tips is for married couples to take time out on their own. They should never shelve their individual hobbies for the sake of the marriage.
Spend time apart.After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder. It is important to re-establish your sense of self, work on your spiritual well-being, and follow up on your personal goals and preferences.
Related Article: 7 tips That Will Save A Marriage From Brink Of Divorce.
2. Be a Good Listener
There comes a time when the two of you must talk. One of the characteristics of a successful marriage is an environment in which you can have healthy conversations. Work on becoming an active listener. This applies especially to men.
If you want a happy marriage, you should learn to listen to your wife. It is not enough to hear what’s being said. Open your ears, look her in the eyes, paraphrase, and reassure her. If you are looking for successful marriage tips, this is it.
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3. You Don’t Have To Agree On Everything
You might be good together as a couple but that doesn’t mean that you agree on all things. After all, marriage involves two individuals with varying belief systems, opinions, and attitudes. The two are likely not to agree on some major things. One of the workable marriage tips is to disagree on something.
Learn to respect your partner’s point of view instead of trying to make them accept your opinions. As Gottman Ph.D., John and Nan Silver say in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, this will make your marriage stronger.
4. Communicate Through Your Respective Love Languages
What’s your partner’s love language? How does he or she communicate love? Find out your partner’s hobbies, preferences, and metaphors that make them understand certain things well. Observe your partner and take note of how he or she physically shows love.
People tend to express love through actions such as washing the car or picking the kids from school. The woman may express love by ironing the man’s shirts and so on.
Everyone has flaws. When starting a marriage, each spouse comes with his or her own weaknesses. So stop nagging your husband to change. It is likely that your spouse will not change certain aspects of their life.
So don’t try to change him. You will only end up being frustrated. One of the rules for a successful marriage is to stop trying to change your spouse. Simply live and let live. Pushing a man to change only amplifies his weaknesses. Why don’t you focus on the positives instead?
6. Accept Responsibility
Successful marriage tips don’t come easier than this. If you have a joint project, each of you should be responsible for the failures and successes. That’s also true for the few times when you will have an argument or disagreement.
Accept responsibility for your words and actions. That includes all the unthoughtful, hurtful, and adversarial things you might have said. This will help you to avoid the blame game.
Related Article: 50 Best Marriage Advice That Will Transform A Marriage.
7. Avoid Taking Your Spouse For Granted
In order to have a successful marriage, avoid taking each other for granted. The problem with comfort is that it drives married couples into complacency. It is naturally human to grow comfortable with the familiar.
In How to Have a Successful Marriage, Dr. Alan Behrman says that shouldn’t happen in a marriage. In fact, one of the best marriage advice is to never take one another for granted. Regardless of the change in circumstances, respect must always prevail. Instead of making assumptions, resolve to treat your partner right.
8. Have Regular Date Nights
One of the best tips for a happy married life is to arrange for regular date nights. It doesn’t matter what you plan to do on that special night. The idea is to make a point of spending some time together. This will strengthen the bond between the two of you and bring you closer.
Turn off your phones, watch a movie, go hiking, or grab some dinner. Participate in a different activity each time. Don’t neglect one of the best successful marriage tips.
9. Random Romantic Acts
Romance has never lost its shine when it comes to building a happy marriage. Every other time, do a romantic act for your partner.
Write a love note and place it in her handbag. Welcome him with a hug when he returns home. Plan for a picnic on the beach with the background of the setting sun. You can find hundreds of ideas to spice up your life.
10. Get Regularly Intimate
Are you looking to build a happy marriage? Have regular sex. Sex is so important that you need to do it even when you aren’t feeling like it. To keep it interesting, make a point of talking about what each of you finds pleasing.
Introduce alternate role-playing, bedroom props, and a variety of positions. Intimacy is much more about the excitement that anything else. One of the characteristics of a successful marriage is giving and getting your desires.
11. Say Good Things about Each Other
No matter how flawed your partner is, he or she has a positive side. It is not enough to know about these positive things about your spouse. Tell your wife how you like her cooking. Appreciate your husband for always being there for you.
This is the best marriage advice you will find anywhere. Focus on the positives and keep track of your spouse’s good deeds. During the tough times, don’t dwell so much on your spouse’s bad side. One of the best successful marriage tips is to stay positive.
Related Article: 67 Common Marriage Problems To Avoid In A Marriage.
12. Focus on the Soft Emotions
Hard and soft emotions are like two sides of the same coin. When angry, it is likely that you have background emotions such as jealousy, disappointment, and sadness. In most cases, anger is a disguise for protecting our vulnerabilities.
Always focus on the vulnerable, soft emotions behind your spouse’s anger. With that, you can truly empathize with his or her true emotion. In fact, this is one of the marriage tips that actually work. Try it!
13. Don’t Expect To Live In Fantasy
Some people enter marriages expecting fairy tale endings. When you carry these unrealistic expectations into marriage, the result can only be a disappointment. Realize one thing, marriage is a beautiful thing.
However, you must be prepared to put in the work to get the results. One of the best successful marriage tips is to develop realistic expectations. To expect a fairy tale is to court disappointment.
14. Don’t Be Controlling
After staying together for a while, couples may become jealous. Some may even feel inadequate. Others may forget their individuality and think they exist because of the marriage.
In marriages with these characteristics, some spouses might become overly controlling. Some of the best elements of a successful marriage independent time, communication, and healthy pursuits. In other words, couples should stop trying to control each other.
15. Never Talk About Divorce
Nobody gets married just to divorce. So why should you threaten your spouse with divorce when you don’t want it to happen? Unfortunately, many couples tend to talk about separation and divorce as a way of controlling their spouses.
If you keep talking about it, then you are likely to end up in divorce. If anything, such threats only point to how immature you are. It shows you are not ready to solve problems.
16. Be Honest, Always
In any marriage tips and advice, you are likely to be told to always be honest. Talk about anything and everything. Importantly, share information on money issues. Tell him when the time comes to apply for a home loan.
Thus, suggests John McQuilkin in How to Be a Good Husband. Not talking about these things is tantamount to infidelity. It is a question of trust. If you cannot trust your spouse enough to share information on your financial situation, where is the marriage headed? Talk about the things you don’t like.
17. Pay Attention to Your Appearance
Most married couples tend to water down their grooming as the family grows. To have a happy marriage, you need to do something about your appearance. Quit walking around with smelly teeth.
You don’t have to make a drastic overhaul of your looks. Just work on your appearance without having to break the bank. When your spouse makes an effort to look nice, don’t forget to give some compliments.
Related Article: 17 Hidden Secrets That Will Save a Failing Marriage.
18. Watch What You Say
While you are encouraged to talk about issues, there are some things you should never say to each other. If you find your new neighbor to be attractive, don’t tell your wife. Also, don’t keep faulting your partner even for past misdeeds.
If you want a happy marriage, stop pointing out your partner’s failures. Imagine starting every sentence with “You never…” or “You always…” How will he or she feel about that? One of the best marriage tips is to watch your words.
19. Enjoy the Silence
Some problems are best addressed by simply letting go. Not every statement from your partner deserves a response. After all, some insults aren’t intentional. Always forgive and forget. While at it, remind yourself of the reason for marrying him or her.
Focus on the positives and allows issues to pass unmentioned. Problems will pass quickly if you do not try to arouse them. One of the best marriage advice is to just let it be.
20. Exercise Kindness
One of the worst things you can do is to always take advantage of your partner just because you know he or she loves you. Avoid projecting anger onto your spouse after a bad day in the office.
One of the tips for a happy marriage is to always look for kind things to do for your spouse. To remain happily married, all of you must strive to please each other. If he loves watching horror movies, why don’t you join him?
21. Don’t Wait Too Long To Address Issues
Some couples wait too long before seeking solutions to their issues. For many, simple issues take years to be addressed. That’s foolhardy. One of the best tips for a happy married life is to seek solutions to problems before they fester and become too big.
If you cannot talk about your problems, why don’t you seek the help of a marriage counselor? Don’t wait until separation to seek help.
Related Article: 17 Ways To Renew The Romance In Your Marriage.
A successful marriage takes a lot of work. You must be willing to work at it with each passing day. One thing you should never do is to settle in.
If you do that, you may end up taking your spouse for granted. Realize that you chose to marry your spouse and work towards making the relationship stronger.
David Smallis the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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