How To Win Your Girlfriend Heart Back After Breakup

By David Small •  Updated: 02/11/19 •  14 min read

How can I win my ex-girlfriend’s heart back? is the million dollar question being asked by a lot of guys. In this article I am going to share some tips that will assist you in your quest in winning back your ex-girlfriend heart.

Breakups are not the best experiences one can have. In the intervening period, one feels troubled, emotional and confused. Many are the people who feel hurtful, angry, and jealous with the risk of getting into depression. But that doesn’t have to be.

How To Win Your Girlfriend Heart Back After Breakup

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After a hurtful breakup, it is still possible for you to try and have positive emotions. Who knows? You could just end up having your girlfriend back after a breakup.

Once you break up with a woman, the words that used to attract her won’t have the same weight as before. Now is the time to try real actions.

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Here are a few tricks to win your girlfriend’s heart back after a breakup:

  1. Avoid Stalking Her

So as to get back together with your ex-girlfriend, you need to give each other a second chance. While at it, avoid stalking her. Just like you, the lady is grieving and needs time to heal. If you try to crowd her space through constant presence, you will only end up pushing her away from you. So give her space to ponder about the relationship while showing her that you care.

As Felicia Vine says in her book  No Contact Rule : 17 Best Tips on How To Get Your Ex Back, don’t be pushy. In a subtle and indirect way, make her aware of how you feel. While at it, don’t overly rely on other people’s advice. Ultimately, the decision you make should be on the basis of your own good judgment. Since attitude is everything, approach the relationship positively and you will be able to rebuild it.

  1. Do More than You Speak

When meeting a woman for the first time, it is easier to convince her to become your girlfriend using simple words. Not so for your ex. To win your girlfriend back after a breakup, you need to do more than you speak. After all, ‘actions speak louder than words’. Avoid making big promises but rather use your actions to prove that you really want her back. After a breakup, big words and promises only make you sound fake and unreal.

So make sure your actions are both convincing and attention-grabbing. If the breakup was acrimonious, it is likely that your ex-girlfriend has a very low opinion of you. So you need to do more and say less. In this case, you have to move mountains to win back your girlfriend’s heart after a breakup. In her book ‘How to Get Your Ex Back: And, Hopefully, Live Happily Ever After, Carol Jones advises that you do your best and leave the final decision to her.

  1. Meet Her Emotional Needs

The major reason you broke up with her is that you weren’t adequately meeting her emotional needs. It is, therefore, important that you come up with a strategy to do things right. You should be willing to make all kinds of changes in your life to make her feel attracted to you once again. To win your girlfriend back after a breakup, you need to start by contacting her. Whenever you do so, listen more than you talk.

Women like it when a man can listen to what they have to say. It shows just how much you respect her opinion and feelings. Also, make sure you respect her emotions and feelings. That way, you will win her heart without trying too much.

Girlfriend Heart

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  1. Ask Her Out On a Date

After you have been in contact for a while, ask her out on a date. It could be lunch, dinner or a picnic. Don’t forget to flirt with her in a healthy way. When a woman knows you are crazy about her, she can give you anything. As Jennifer Peel says in How to Get Your Ex in Ninety Days, you need to avoid behaving like her ex.

The best approach is to be her good friend. Don’t forget to maintain a sense of positivity. Don’t pressure her during the date. Be as respectful and positive as possible and you will win your girlfriend back after a breakup.

  1. Listen to Her Reasons for Leaving

It is likely that you broke up with your ex because both of you couldn’t find fulfillment in the relationship. So don’t try to fight your ex’s decision to leave you. In his book The Break Up Manual For Men: How To Recover From A Serious Break Up, Become Stronger and Get Back Into Life’, Andrew Ferebee suggests that you listen to her to know why she is leaving. From that, you will be able to know what the issues are. Listening to a woman makes her see how respectful you are and builds the right foundation when it comes to getting back together.

  1. Find out Where You Could Have Gone Wrong

During the no-contact stage of the breakup, try all you can to get over the heartbreak. After all, time is a healer. If you keep contacting your ex, you will minimize all the chances of ever getting back together. As Anton Robbins says, “you should try to think about what might have gone wrong”.

Once you know your mistakes, you will be able to remedy them. Also, you will be better placed to avoid making such mistakes in the future. As you make efforts to be a better person, your ex will see your genuine efforts and reconsider her decision to leave you.

  1. Maintain Some Positive Communication

As much as the breakup might have been acrimonious, it is important that you remain in contact with each other. Have some level of proper and positive communication with your ex. To win your girlfriend back after a breakup, it is important that you try to uncover the real issues between the two of you.

As Samantha Rivera says in ‘How to Get Back Your Ex: Relationship advice for after a breakup’, you ought to talk about what went wrong. Besides, maintaining a communication link is a way of telling her that you still care. However, avoid being overly emotional about it. Also, avoid sending text messages or making phone calls too often. If you do, then your ex may view you as a desperate man who has nothing better to do.


Photo by Nigel Tadyanehondo on Unsplash

  1. Avoid the Blame Game

Just because you broke up with your ex isn’t the end of life. Just like everything else, girlfriends come and go. But life must go on. Of course, you can take time and ponder the good old days. Whatever you do, avoid the blame game. If you want to win your girlfriend back after a breakup, don’t waste your time thinking about whose fault it is. Accept that what you had is no more and life must go on.

In the first few days after the breakup, you feel empty for your love. You need to find ways to overcome that. Shomarri R. Diaz says as much in ‘ The Breakup Guide For Men: The Ultimate Guide How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back ’. The best way is to spend more time with your family and friends. Get busy with work or that degree course you have been thinking about. If it happens that you are able to get back with your ex, well and good. If nothing like that happens, at least you are still alive and can fight another day.

  1. Give Her Time on Her Own

Once you call it quits with your ex, it is understandable to feel completely at a loss. It gets worse when you recall the good times you spent together. And so getting over your ex becomes a real problem.

On the contrary, you may end up feeling like you really need to win your girlfriend back after a breakup. If that’s you, avoid appearing desperate about it. Going down on your knees to ask your girlfriend back isn’t the right way to go.

As Michael Griswold says in ‘Get Your Ex Back Today’, avoid issuing threats to your ex. What you ought to do is give her time to heal from the hurt she might have suffered after the breakup. Once she has overcome her negative emotions, she will be in a position to reconsider her decision to leave you.

  1. Don’t Gossip About Her

No doubt she is to blame for the breakup and that makes you really irked with her. But does it have to turn into a situation where you start backbiting your ex-girlfriend? Turning into a bitter gossip will only make you look like a bitter ex who is out to get revenge.

In ‘How to Get Your Ex Back’, Tiffany Ward says doing so will ruin your chances of winning back your girlfriend’s heart after the breakup. In the end, it will only validate your girlfriend’s decision to leave. You don’t want that, do you?

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  1. Give Yourself Time

Just like your ex-girlfriend, you need time before you are ready to get back together. You should never be in a hurry. As much as you are feeling lonely and really want to get her back, only time can heal old wounds. Sit back, relax, and think about whether your decision to win back your girlfriend after a breakup is wise. It is only after taking time to ponder your decision that you will know if it is the right thing to do.

Stephanie Goley says as much in her book ‘How to Get Your Ex Back after a Bad Breakup’. The same way time heals wounds, it also helps you to realize the mistakes both of you might have made. Thus you will realize that your partner is not entirely to blame. Once your wounds have healed and your mistakes become apparent, you can take the necessary steps to get your girlfriend back.

Girlfriend heart

  1. Hang Out With Family and Friends

Just because you have broken up with your girlfriend does not mean you start a pity-party. In How to Heal After Heartbreak How to Recover from a Breakup and Get Your Hopes and Dreams Back’ , Christopher Gottschalk says that the best thing you can do is move on with your life. If you had stopped pursuing any of your interests, go back to them. By all means, avoid sitting at home waiting for the phone call or text message. It doesn’t matter how sad you actually feel. Create time to hang out with your family and friends. In your small circle, only include people who bring out the best in you.

  1. Avoid Hanging around Negative People

Hanging around negative people or those who sympathize too much about your broken relationship is a no-no. Instead of helping you, all such people will do is make you wallow in self-pity. If you are hoping for these people to help you win your girlfriend back after a breakup, that won’t happen.

So only spend time with people who help you feel happy and independent.  Madison Hilton and Lamont Holliday say as much in “10 steps to Get over Your Ex-Lover 10 steps to get over your ex Lover: Love, Money and Fitness to a better You: Breakups are bad but the beginning to a better you starts right now.” As your confidence levels increase, you will realize you are ready to rebuild your broken relationship.

  1. Work on Yourself

When going into relationships, people mistakenly think that it’s their partner’s job to make them happy. If that’s the way you think, then you could end up being held back by your ex. But the notion that your happiness lies in your ex is misplaced. To be truly happy, you need to be fulfilled right deep down the inside. So work on your passions, hobbies, and interests. Do the same things that gave you a sense of happiness, confidence, and independence long before you met your ex.

As Zac Miller says in The Ex Recovery Manual : The Quickest Way to Get Your Ex Back Guaranteed!’, you need to work on your appearance. Go hiking. Sit in your house and watch a movie. At the end of it all, you should be able to feel and look good. When a man feels and looks good, he is confident enough to attract members of the opposite sex. Soon, you will be able to win your girlfriend heart back after a breakup. That’s because you have been able to get in touch with the same outgoing man your ex first saw.

  1. Rekindle Her Love for You

When your relationship was going strong, you definitely spent a lot of time together. Not only did your feelings grow stronger but your love blossomed. Now that you have broken up, you need to work towards rekindling the love that once existed between the two of you.

In ‘Get Your Ex Back in 30 Days or Less ! The Complete Step By Step Plan to Get Your Ex Back for Good’, Eric Monroe says you need to take it one step at a time. On your first meeting, avoid bringing up the subject of the breakup. Rather, show off your new confident self and your ex will be curious to know what happened.

How To Win Your Girlfriend Heart Back After Breakup

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  1. Turn It into a Stronger Relationship

Once a relationship is ended it’s gone and you can never have it back. Even if you were to win back your girlfriend heart after a breakup, the relationship cannot be as strong as it was before. So why don’t you build a completely new but stronger relationship?

Learn from the mistakes you made and lay a stronger foundation for the latest version of the relationship. Discuss what went wrong and what could be made better in the relationship. That’s what Michael Sweeney says in ‘Get Her Back : FOR MEN ONLY – A Complete Step-By-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex-Girlfriend Back and Keeping Her for Good’. Once you are agreed on the course of action, go ahead and create an unbreakable bond.

  1. Lure Her with Your Creativity

The fact that you are dating your ex does not mean you are back together. It takes a lot of meetings and dates to rebuild the trust that was broken by the breakup. To successfully win back your girlfriend heart after a breakup, you have to employ some creativity.

As Veronica Isles says in ‘How to Get Your Ex Back in 25 Days’, don’t just sent her a letter or gift. You will make her feel special by putting some thought into it. Think about the things she appreciates most and gets them for her as gifts. Within a short time, you should be back into the good books of your ex-girlfriend.


As you can see, it is possible to win your girlfriend heart back after a breakup. As long as you follow the advice suggested here, you will be able to rebuild your relationship. But take it slow. Don’t start contacting your ex-girlfriend soon after the breakup. Doing so will only push her away. So start small, regain her trust, and you will be on track to rebuilding your relationship.

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

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