Dealing with a marriage that’s falling apart can be difficult.
You have the option of either leaving the union, talking about it, or figuring out how to make it work again.
Unfortunately for many people, the easier option is to sue for divorce and quit the relationship. But is the easier option always the best?
Granted, it takes hard work to make a marriage work. For a failing marriage, both of you should be willing to admit that it is all broken.
Then you should take steps to fix the marriage. With time, you will realize how worthwhile it was for you to try saving the marriage.
Here is how to fix a marriage that’s falling apart:
Take Timely Action to Save Your Marriage.
If you want to fix a marriage that’s falling apart, you should take timely action before the situation worsens. Instead of waiting until your marriage is irreparable, take remedial action when both of you believe in fixing things.
That means taking action whenever you notice that something isn’t right with your marriage. As Dr. Lee H Baucom says in the book: How to Save Your Marriage, you don’t have to take unilateral action.
Instead, it would help if you communicated honestly with your spouse to identify issues and take action.
Early action means you can prevent the issues in your marriage from becoming full-blown crises. If you have money issues, then you should draw a financial plan and budget.
You may need to sit down regularly to review how you are performing financially. The same applies to other issues such as lack of intimacy.
Instead of blaming each other for lack of sex, take steps to encourage the two of you to draw closer. Go out on a dinner date, take a vacation, surprise each other with gifts, and work on the marriage.
Avoid Making Rash Decisions.
Married couples are bound to enter a rough patch of one kind or another.
It is normal to fight or get into a meaningless transgression. Going into a sex drought is also one of the most significant issues with which one has to grapple. But what do you do when your relationship has become irreparably dysfunctional?
Should you go for an exit from the relationship? Whether it is out of fear, laziness, or frustration, some couples give up too soon.
If you want to fix a marriage that’s falling up, you should avoid making rash decisions. Working together with your spouse, you can navigate the difficulties in your marriage and make it stronger.
If your relationship doesn’t experience any verbal, physical, alcohol, and substance abuse, stay and fight for it. According to certifies couples’ counselor and sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman you should acknowledge your role in the problem and change.
At the same time, you should be patient with your partner as they try to change.
Acknowledge Your Contribution to The Problem.
In a failing marriage, couples rush to blame each other instead of acknowledging their contribution to the problem. Are you annoyed with something your partner did? Well, that’s your right.
However, you should also recognize your role in the changing dynamics, problems, and negative energy in the relationship. Dwelling too much on how your partner is causing problems without understanding your part doesn’t help.
Even if you manage to enter a new relationship, you will carry the same issues with you.
So, learn to be humble. Realize that you aren’t perfect and that you are to blame to a certain extend. Your partner has likely complained about your behavior. Put yourself in their shoes to know what they are going through.
It takes a lot of humility and empathy to see things from your partner’s perspective. Once you have acknowledged your role in the issues plaguing your marriage, take remedial action. Making changes in your behavior and lifestyle will communicate how serious you are about fixing your marriage.
Aso Related: 15 Devastating Warning Signs of A Failing Marriage.
Seek Healing for Yourself.
Nobody is ever a complete human being. Instead, you are always work-in-progress with internal issues that need fixing.
These inner issues may be defining your behavior in the relationship. Therefore, there is no guarantee that you will be happier when you leave the current connection and start a new one.
If you aren’t satisfied with your marriage today, you will be unhappy in all subsequent relationships unless you address some internal issues. That’s if you keep blaming your spouse for your unhappiness.
According to the book: The Marriage Clinic, many marital problems directly correlate with underlying emotional and mental struggles.
The problem is that many people ignore those feelings, judge themselves harshly, turn to alcohol, or blame their partners.
In truth, only you can fix yourself. Where necessary, seek help from a psychologist to help you identify the issues and lay strategies to overcome them. It’s only afterward that you will start treating yourself right. And, your lovers have no option but to follow suit.
Realize Your Partner Is Also in Pain.
Many couples in failing Marriages get caught in their own painful emotions and ruminate too much about the relationship. What they forget is that their partners are equally going through pain.
Probably, your partner is so much in emotional turmoil that they cannot express their feelings. So, perish the thought that you are the only one struggling. According to the book: The Relationship Cure, you need to recognize that your spouse is hurting and find a way to help them overcome it.
First, you should recognize that your partner needs you at this moment. If you have no idea what he or she needs, find out from them. Do they need you to listen to them, cuddle, or be intimate?
Does your partner need to be left alone? Look for ways to make your partner as comfortable as possible. Tell him or her how much you love them and show remorse for the things you said or did.
Show them how willing you are to make things right. Even as you try to help your partner, learn to express your emotions and vulnerabilities. After all, you also need help!
Take Time to Focus on The Good.
Regardless of the deterioration in your relationship, the two of you must have been in love at some point. Focus on the reasons you fell in love with each other. What attracted you to your partner?
Is it their good looks and mannerisms? Even as you ponder the reasons for falling in love with each other, recall the good memories you have built together. What’s it about your partner that inspires, amazes, and makes you happy?
In your candid conversations, talk about things that remind you of the great relationship you once had.
It might be impossible for you to go back to loving each other like before. However, these memories will show you why you should fight for the relationship. If things were once so good in your marriage, you could make them suitable once again.
Having experienced many things together, it may never be the same again, but it is worth trying. Besides, positive thoughts have the power to lift your spirits and make you want to stay in the marriage.
Learn to Communicate with Clarity.
Lack or poor communication is one of the causes of failing marriage. The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines communication as using words, signs, signs, or behaviors to exchange information.
In relationships, communication isn’t that clear, making it one of the most significant issues. That’s because communication isn’t just about the words but how you say those words. It also has everything to do with non-verbal cues like body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions.
Apart from saying things clearly and using the right non-verbal cues, it would help if you learned to validate your spouse’s perspective. After all, you cannot always be right and wrong.
Take time to listen to your spouse to view things as they do. But validation doesn’t mean agreeing with what they say. Instead, it means you understand their point of view even if it is disagreeable to you.
Since men and women communicate differently, you should learn how to appeal to your partner. As such, men should know the emotional language to use. In the same light, women should learn men’s logical language.
Learn to Connect emotionally with Your Partner.
An emotional disconnect often characterizes a failing marriage. When there is emotional discord, the spouses feel distant and disconnected from each other.
The result is the constant misinterpretation of your partner’s words and actions. For some reason, your focus is more on each other’s pessimistic traits.
However, you can reconnect emotionally by being thoughtful with your choice of words and tone of voice. In the book: Emotional Connection, Michael & Paula Regier advise you to use positive words and actions to lift each other.
You can start by praising and appreciating your partner at the slightest excuse. In everything you do, focus your attention on creating the best possible experiences.
Instead of focusing on the past, always look forward to better things in the future. Create shared experiences with your partner by asking them out on regular date nights, taking a vacation, or sharing hobbies.
It is better to spend money to fix a marriage that’s failing than to go through a grueling divorce.
Also See: 50 Reasons Why Marriages Fail In The First Year
Build A Stronger Intimate Connection.
Couples with intimacy issues often end up with serious problems that threaten to culminate in divorce. Every time your spouse asks for sex, you automatically come up with an excuse not to do it.
It is either you are always tired, bored, sick, and so on. Because of that, you end up not satisfying each other sexually. The result is infidelity or one of you suing for divorce.
Yet you can learn how to fix a marriage that’s falling apart by improving your sex life. With a satisfying sex life, the two of you will have a truly fulfilling emotional connection. You build a more intimate relationship by learning how men and women view sex.
As Gary Chapman says in his book: The Five Love Languages, women focus on emotions and men physically. If you are a man, you can make your wife desire you sexually by appealing to her emotions.
That involves telling her you to love her, bringing a gift, and asking her out for dinner. On the other hand, men care more about the physical part of sex, so women shouldn’t hold back.
Ask for Help from A Relationship Specialist or Marriage Counsellor.
Your failing relationship could have deteriorated so much so that you can no longer repair it yourselves. In that case, you need a marriage counselor to help you navigate the various issues and bring you together.
For example, a counselor can help you overcome communication issues by teaching you how to approach them. The therapist will also ensure you can overcome infidelity issues and become more intimate.
If you have no idea how to resolve your differences, you will learn a lot from the therapist. You will also overcome negative feelings like resentment, disappointment, hurt and develop more positive ones.
Nowadays, you can easily find a marriage counselor online to help walk you through the marriage recovery process. It helps if both you and your partner agree on seeing a marriage therapist.
Where one partner is unwilling, it can be impossible for you to talk about and resolve your issues. So, take time to convince your partner about the need to speak to a marriage therapist.
It is possible to save a marriage that’s falling apart by taking timely action. But that in no way means making rash decisions.
As part of your marriage recovery strategy, learn to acknowledge your contribution to the problem instead of blaming your spouse. It also helps if you seek healing for yourself while realizing that your partner is also hurting.
Instead of dwelling too much on the issues, focus on the good things. Communicate with clarity and connect emotionally and intimately with your partner. If you can’t do it on your own, you must ask a marriage therapist to help you.
David Smallis the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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