Every marriage starts off with the two of you being madly in love with each other. With time, life together becomes a routine with nothing much to look forward to. When you get to that stage, you are likely to either appreciate your relationship or regret having been married to him or her.
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“One of the signs of a strained marriage relationship is when you no longer call each other,” Says Brave Mic in The Right Marriage Partner. At that time the marriage seems like a lot of hard work. You begin to doubt if you married the right person. While feelings can be misleading, how do you know if you married the right person?
1. You Still Love Each Other
A marriage endures the ups and downs if there is a very strong bond of love between the two of you. When love is broken, you may not be able to withstand tight budgets, sorrow, and even drama from the in-laws.
However, enduring love ensures that the relationship survives all seasons. Debra Wood author of How To Discover The Right Marriage Partner: Step by step guide to a blissful marriage, avoiding divorce says “You will find it easy to laugh together during the good days and support each other when the days get bad”.
But you have to reach a level where you choose to be with each other regardless of your actions. In other words, you love your partner for who he or she is. With that kind of true, deep love, you can be sure you married the right person.
2. You Enjoy Similar Hobbies and Interests
To sustain the tempo of a relationship, you have to learn how to compromise. It doesn’t matter which type of movie you like. The only way to enjoy each other’s company is if you are willing to watch a film that your spouse likes. So as not to make it seem like you are compromising too much, you may go with the other film next time. By so doing, you will begin to enjoy each other’s company.
If you still enjoy each other’s company and share interests, then you definitely married the right person. It could be anything from watching a TV program or eating in your favorite restaurant. The more you spend time together laughing at sweet nothings, the happier you will be. So don’t look for anything else. You married the right person if you still enjoy each other’s company.
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3. You Have No Problem Spending Time Apart
One of the biggest signs that you are in the right relationship is when you can spend time apart. In fact, gender differences dictate that there are some things that only men can enjoy. Say, your man loves watching football and you are into concerts. Does he let you attend a concert in the company of your friends while he goes to watch football? If ‘yes’, then you married the right man.
Marriage relationships are made stronger when the two of you spend time apart. If anything, both of you need to chase your hobbies and interests independent of each other. With understanding and respect, there will be no need to demand that you stay together 24/7. You will discover that the relationship grows stronger when you finally connect with each other.
4. You Support Each Other
As a married couple, who do you contact first when you have an issue? If you support one another in times of trouble, then you definitely married the right person. So says Dr. Kleber Mbenoun in More Than a Great Partner.
Where your support is found elsewhere, you are better off out of the relationship. When in job-related problems, who is it that you first run to? While it could be difficult to tell your spouse about that, it is important that they know.
After all, any financial difficulties will affect both of you equally. Apart from expressing his or her sympathy, your spouse should be able to give you the support you need. Who knows? They could even have a solution to all that’s going on in your life. Because of the support you get, you will be better placed to pick up your pieces and move on.
5. You Feel Contended With the Relationship
Whether you are satisfied in a marriage relationship depends on how you feel about several aspects. How is the relationship in terms of communication, emotional intimacy, finances, and sex? Are you contented when it comes to any or all of these aspects? If you are satisfied in most of these aspects, then you married the right person. The best way to know is if you have no need for an outsider to satisfy you.
However, those aspects you are unsatisfied in could still be addressed to make the relationship stronger. Towards that end, all of you need to work together. Where your partner is unwilling to make the necessary changes, then you are in the wrong marriage relationship.
6. You Trust Each Other
No relationship can survive where there is no trust. To avoid unnecessary suspicions over the slightest of issues, you need to trust one another. On Choosing Right, Joyce Tohline says you should ask yourself whether you trust him or her to go out with friends.
How often do you tell your partner when you have a burning issue? Because of the centrality of trust in a marriage, you have no choice but to cultivate it.
However, trust has to be mutual. Your spouse should trust you as much as you trust him or her. If that’s the case in your marriage, then chances are that you married the right person. No need for incessant suspicions. Just mature, enduring trust.
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7. You Are Considerate Of Each Other
At the beginning of a marriage relationship, it is much easier to give priority to your spouse. However, with the coming of the kids and work-related commitments, that becomes a big issue. As a couple, you have to set aside time just to be with each other. That will obviously be the case when you are married to the right person. It doesn’t have to be anything too hard.
Even a simple ‘I love you’ message could go a long way to reassure each other. If your spouse has a task to undertake, why don’t you help him or her with it? Putting each other first not only shows how much you care, but it also helps make the relationship stronger.
8. You Aren’t Trying To Change Each Other
No one is perfect. Both you and your spouse have bad habits and quirks that need to be changed. However, putting undue pressure on each other doesn’t help anything. Imagine a situation where your spouse is pressurizing you to lose weight. What can you do about that?
According to Getting Love Right by Terence T. Gorski, all one needs to make a change is a little motivation. Since you are in this together, having a good understanding of each other is the thing to do. After all, too much pressure only makes one feel ashamed of himself or herself. If your partner understands that change comes gradually, he or she is right for you.
9. You Are Physically Affectionate With Each Other
Can you truly say you are physically affectionate with each other? It has been established that you will be more satisfied with your partner if you are physically affectionate. So, how is your relationship? To what extent are the two of you affectionate with one another? If you are physically affectionate with one another, then you definitely married the right person.
In one study, physical affection was found to be an effective way of predicting liking, love, and satisfaction. It also relieves stress, builds a better mood, and improves trustworthiness. So if physical affection is still largely present in your marriage, chances are you married the right person.
10. You Have More Productive Rather Than Destructive Fights
No matter how perfect a married couple seems, fighting once in a while is inevitable. But people in a healthy relationship fight differently. Instead of trying to prove who is right or wrong, their fights are more productive.
Not only do they listen to each other, but they also understand and respect their partner’s viewpoints. It is all about finding common ground, rather than trying to tear each other apart. That’s what Dr. Smart Oyedotun says in Choosing the Right Partner.
So how are the fights between you and your spouse? Do you always try to prove a point by dragging him or her in the mud? Is so, you married the wrong person. However, if you always reach an amicable understanding after a fight, then you have the right partner.
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11. You Help Each Other Achieve Life’s Goals
Existing evidence suggests that couples have the greatest influence on each other’s career success in terms of promotions and pay rises. Why is that so? It turns out that married partners tend to emulate each other’s good habits. Thus, if your spouse is reliable and diligent, you are likely to emulate them. While this could happen consciously, it may also happen subconsciously.
If the two of you are consciously helping each other to achieve life’s goals, then you married the right person. After all, you need help to overcome all sorts of obstacles on your way to success. It gets even better if he or she gets happy following your success.
12. He or She Still Makes You Laugh
It has been proven that joy, laughter, and humor are useful when it comes to your personal well being. Not only does it alleviate stress and tension, but it also boosts mood, boosts energy, and raises creativity. Thus, couples who laugh together often grow closer with each passing day. They are able to overcome their differences and build a more resilient relationship.
The question is: how often does your spouse make you laugh? How often do you make her laugh? If you laugh together often, then chances are that you married the right person. Where there is no laughter, it is hard to claim you have a working marriage relationship according to Dr. David George in Ten Secrets of Choosing the Right Partner.
13. You Are Better Off Together Rather Than Apart
How do you feel about your relationship? Are you better off together than apart? Having lived together for a while, that question should be easier to answer.
So, how do you feel about your relationship? Are you in a situation in which you just cannot live together? You have been together long enough to know that being apart isn’t an option.
When you reach that state, then it is clear you married the right person. What pulls you together is much more than what pulls you apart. That’s what a great marriage relationship is made of.
14. Your Partner Is Attentive
How good is your partner when it comes to noticing what you want or need at any given time? An attentive partner is one who knows you are in trouble even before you bring it to their attention. He or she responds to your needs in a timely manner, thus making your relationship stronger.
As Napoleon Nalcot says in Keep the Flame of Love Burning, that’s important. Say you have work-related stress. Before you tell it to your partner, he or she should already have prepared for you a cup of hot chocolate. If that’s how you treat each other, then it is clear that you married the right person. After all, a true connection is all about second-guessing and responding to your partner’s needs.
It is easy to know if you married the right partner. You don’t have to go searching for answers far and wide. Simply look at the quality of life you have together. If you have similar hobbies and interests, then you have the right marriage partner.
Simple things such as whether he or she supports you to achieve your goals also matter. However, the biggest gauge is if you feel content in the marriage. If you discover that you married the right person, make efforts to maintain and better the relationship.
David Smallis the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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