15 Reasons Why You Need Marriage Counseling Help

By David Small •  Updated: 04/23/19 •  13 min read

Marriage counseling help is needed in a marriage to resolve conflicts, understand and improve the relationship on every angle. Marriage counseling gives couples the tools to communicate better, negotiate differences, problem solve and even argue more healthily.

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 Marriage Counseling Help.

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Many couples don’t like to seek for marriage advice. In this article we’re going give you 12 top reasons why you might need marriage counseling help. Read on to know why your marriage may need a marriage counselor.

1. Life Has Thrown a Curve-ball

Life’s unpredictability can shake up you and your partner’s norm. ‘Unexpected pregnancies, sudden financial changes, or sudden losses can arise out of nowhere and shift the dynamic of any loving relationship,’ says Denise Limongello, a licensed psychotherapist in marriage counseling. Experiencing any sudden change in either of your lives can be a great reason to seek marriage counseling help together.

Life will always happen, and when it does couples might need to see a marriage counselor before some things get out of hand. We all know it is difficult for you and your partner to reach your marriage goals when things get out of hand.

This is when you need marriage counseling help, when life throws in a curve-ball. One of the things about marriage counseling is that it can be quite helpful when the couples are looking for the best solutions to their marriage problems.

2. When One Partner Begins to Act Out on Negative Feelings

I believe what we feel on the inside shows on the outside even if we can mask these feelings for a while; they are bound to surface. Negative feelings such as resentment or disappointment can turn into hurtful, sometimes harmful behaviors. There was this story of a couple where the wife found her husband’s indiscretions very hurtful.

Although she agreed to stay in the relationship and work things out, she became very spiteful. The wife would purposefully do things to make her husband think she was being unfaithful even though she wasn’t. She wanted her husband to feel the same pain she felt, which was counterproductive.

A professional and a skilled marriage counselor can help sort out such kind of negative feelings and find better ways to express them. Acting out on negative feelings will only cause more marriage problems.

Marriage Problems

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3. Sex is Dwindling

Lack of action in the bedroom may indicate a bigger problem. “Couples often report that their sex lives can be a barometer for how the relationship is going,” says Limongello.” If you notice that your sex life has begun to die down, it might be a good idea to seek out for the help of a marriage counselor to acknowledge what’s going on between you two. Instead of waiting until your sex life comes to a complete halt, it might be better to seek help sooner rather than later.

Sex can be something that heals and brings a couple together. Counselors encounter sexual issues frequently, and they can be of good help. And here’s a wonderful book that could be of good help too – ‘The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.’ written by Gary Chapman, author, speaker, and counselor. He has a passion for people and for helping them form lasting relationships.

4. When the Partners Do Not Know How to Resolve Their Differences

If you remember watching GI Joe as a kid, you should be able to remember how every show ended with the phrase “now you know, and knowing is half the battle.” That phrase comes to mind in this situation, when a couple begins to experience discord and they’re aware of the discord, knowing is only half the battle.

Many times couples say, “We know what’s wrong, but we just don’t know how to fix it.” That’s a perfect time counseling for marriage is needed; a marriage counselor needs to get involved. If ever couples are stuck in a particular marriage problem, only a skilled marriage counselor may be able to get them moving in the right direction again.

Seeking marriage counseling help can deepen the connection. It also help to resolve any differences between you, thereby, helping you achieve your marriage goals.

Marriage Counseling Help.

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5. You’re Keeping Secrets

Finding yourself in a tangled web of secrets around subjects couples should talk openly about—money spending, hurt feelings, needs that aren’t getting met, sexual desire and preferences—is a red flag, says licensed marriage and family therapist Traci Ruble. “We do get to have private lives separate from our partner, but there is a kind of ‘avoidance’ and ‘malaise’ in the kinds of secrets we keep that need to be paid attention to.” You’re fighting over trivial things forgetting that fights about stupid stuff that turn into wars could be covering up what you’re really mad about, says Ruble.

Keeping unnecessary secrets is a big NO for couples and going for marriage counseling help, is the best way to settle scores. This book How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It.’written by Patricia Love, Ed.D., will help you to improve your marriage dramatically.

Patricia Love, Ed.D., is an acclaimed therapist and speaker and author/co-author of six books, including Hot Monogamy, The Truth About Love and How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. She has appeared on Oprah and Today and on CNN, and has contributed to numerous magazines including Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Woman’s World.

6. Infidelity and Unfaithfulness

Infidelity within a relationship can be the most hurtful and damaging thing a couple ever goes through, but it does not mean the relationship has to be over. Marriage counseling provides a healing space to begin the journey toward resolution.

It can help find practical ways to navigate the treacherous waters of unfaithfulness. Couples should know that recovering from an affair is not impossible, but it takes a lot of work. It takes commitment and a willingness to forgive and move forward.

There is no magic formula for recovering from an affair. But if both individuals are committed to the therapy process and are being honest, the marriage may be salvaged. At the very least, it will determine that it’s healthier for both individuals to move on. Here’s a book that could be of a good help too – ‘His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage.’ This tremendous book was written by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr

Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, and marriage counselor. He’s the bestselling author of numerous books, including Five Steps to Romantic Love; Surviving an Affair; Draw Close; and He Wins, She Wins. Harley’s much-loved book, His Needs, Her Needs, is also available with a video curriculum for churches and small groups. His popular website, www.marriagebuilders.com, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem.

Marriage Counseling

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7. You Pretend Everything Is Fine

Some couples outwardly bicker or fight, but other couples try to brush things under the rug. If you find yourself ignoring important issues or trying to pretend everything is OK, you might want to think about therapy instead. Keeping it all inside works for a while, but it’s never an effective long-term strategy.

Marriage counseling can help you learn how to tackle issues head-on in ways that feel safe and manageable to both of you. You can also look out for this book on Amazon for more insight – ‘The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert.’ Dr. John Gottman, World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction.

Dr. John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. He is the author of over 200 published academic articles and author or co-author of more than 40 books. Dr. Gottman’s media appearances include Good Morning America, Today, CBS Morning News, and Oprah.

Many articles about his work have been written in The New York Times, Redbook, Glamour, Woman’s Day, People, Self, and Psychology Today. Together with his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. He is the founder of  Gottman Institute and creator of Gottman Method Couples Therapy, a research-based approach to strengthening relationships.

8. Digital Age Issues

Facebook. Twitter. Texting. Sexting. Instagram. YouTube. Snap chat. These are just a few ways technology can infiltrate and affect relationships. Communicating via social media has its pros and cons.

Couples often have a conflict regarding who to ‘friend’, what to like, and who to text, block, or chat. No matter how many emojis one use, you can misconstrue and misread their words. The tone of voice and body language are important in understanding what message one wants to convey.

Seeking marriage advice from a marriage counselor can help couples work through problems technology has caused. It creates boundaries with each other to help restore trust when social media have hurt the relationship.

Social media has changed the way married couples interact with each other this day, and research shows that increased usage of social media may lead to marital problems, infidelity, and divorce.


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9. When the Couple Seems to Be Just Occupying the Same Space

When couples become more like roommates than a married couple, this may indicate a need for counseling. If there is a lack of communication, conversation, and intimacy or any other elements the couple feels are important, this may be an indication that a skilled marriage counselor can help sort out what is missing and how to get it back.

It’s tough for any relationship to survive when the couple just ‘co-existing’, your relationship actually needs both types of intimacy. You cannot create physical intimacy without emotional intimacy, nor can you have complete emotional intimacy without the physical aspect as well.

This is where many couples find their relationship in trouble, and why marriage counseling is needed at the point you started noticing you both are just occupying the same space.

10. No More Trust

After the breach of trust, relationships can be harmed or even destroyed. Part of having a solid and healthy relationship is to be able to trust one another. Learning to trust again is a slow and hard process, and it can be painful and frustrating when it doesn’t happen quickly. Yes, at some point or another, no matter how wonderful your relationship or how many bluebirds chirp on your windowsill in the morning, a breach of trust will occur.

It could be due to something small or something big. It’s normal in marriages, but the main problem is always how you both go about it, seeking for marriage counseling help when there’s no more trust in your marriage is always the best way to go. Counseling can educate and assist couples with understanding the process of regaining trust, and provide tools and direction to help.

15 Reasons Why You Need Marriage Counseling Help.

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11. Addiction is Present

Anyone married to a person who has an addiction knows, without a doubt, that it’s destructive. Addiction in a marriage may not be apparent at the beginning of the relationship, may develop after a short time together, may develop after years together or may have been there all along, but the fact remains that one must do something about it.

“If one partner drinks too much, can’t control gambling or another behavior, abuses medication, or might have some other addiction, get professional help,” says Whitney. If addiction is present in your marriage, it’s not something you should keep quiet about; you must involve a marriage counselor if you’re serious about reaching your marriage goals.

12. You Never, Ever Fight

On the other hand, if you literally never fight about anything with your significant other, but you feel that there are marriage problems, it could also be a cause for concern. “It is perhaps more problematic when the fighting stops, as that may signal a lack of interest and intimacy,” says Weiss.

When people become indifferent about a relationship, there are reasons that they underlie that, and they will need to address those issues by seeking marriage counseling help if the relationship is going to survive and thrive. Apathy can definitely be the enemy of passion.


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13. Communication Has Become Negative

Communication is paramount in every marriage, once communication has deteriorated, often it is hard to get it going back in the right direction. Negative communication can include anything that leaves one partner feeling depressed, insecure, disregarded, or wanting to withdraw from the conversation. This can also include the tone of the conversation. It is important to remember that it’s not always what you say, but how you say it.

Negative communication can also include any communication that not only leads to hurt feelings but emotional or physical abuse, as well as nonverbal communication. When you start to experience any kind of negative communication in your marriage. I believe that you should seek the help of a professional marriage counselor.

14. A Reoccurring Issue

“One type of red flag that usually can be greatly helped by therapy is an issue that has been difficult in the relationship from the beginning, but regardless of endless discussions, never seems to pass,” explains Dr. Julie Gurner. “When you see that the same issues are coming up again and again in disagreements, it is a good sign they are not effectively being resolved, and the couple is at a ‘sticking point.'”

Dr. Gurner encourages couples to seek help to save “many years of trouble down the road.”  Don’t ever overlook reoccurring issues, seek for marriage counseling. If you are looking you’re considering a marriage program to help you fulfill all your marriage goals.

Let me recommend Mort Fertel, program Marriage Fitness Boot Camp. This program  will transform your marriage. He is the author of the book Marriage Fitness ,marriage coach and the creator of  the FREE confidential marriage assessment.


Marriage is difficult there will be disagreement, conflict, and hurt even in the best of times. Marriage counseling can help couples grow and heal. Like all types of therapy, the lessons learned and behaviors changed will continue to serve each person for much longer than the therapy itself.

Please know that it takes hard work to have a solid marriage. Marriage counseling help is worth considering for any couple and can promote mutually beneficial changes for years to come.

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

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