How can I end my relationship peacefully without causing hatred? Is a question asked by many individuals?
Permit me to start this piece of writing with a quote from C. JoyBell C ― “Ends are not bad things, they just mean that something else is about to begin. And there are many things that don’t really end, anyway, they just begin again in a new way. Ends are not bad and many ends aren’t really an ending; some things are never-ending.”
Having said that, when we talk about ending a relationship, it is important to note that it is not really an easy process to go through as there’s no easy way to break somebody’s heart.
Although ending your relationship peacefully with your spouse or partner may be the most difficult thing to do, it is best to understand how to terminate the relationship appropriately if you feel you will be finishing the romance in the first place.
This article presents you with the most 17 Proven Ways To End A Relationship Peacefully.
1. Ensure both of you are ready for it:
For a relationship to end in an appropriate manner, both parties must be involved or else you will end up hurting the other. So whether you are ready or not, you should also try to know if your spouse is ready at the moment.
In essence, when your spouse or partner is not ready to end the relationship and you throw it to his/her face, this can be very devastating and in most cases will eat up the one that is hurt and might eventually cause them to do something drastic that you might regret all your life.
Master the skills to Build A Stronger Relationship
2. Know the right time and moment:
Most times, you just want to tell him/her about it at any time or any moment you feel it is right. It is a poor choice to want to talk about ending your relationship at a party, social gathering, in the car or doing some domestic task together such as grocery shopping or while having a nice dinner together.
He/She will be caught off guard and will be shocked, causing the moment to be ruined. No matter when or how you break the news, it should be done at the right moment and at the right time.
There is never going to be a perfect time to break up with someone, but try to have as much control over the time as you can, rather than blurting it out over brunch with friends.
3. Do it in Person:
Ending your relationship is usually a distressing period for both parties. Most persons would want to bring the romantic relationship to a close through phone calls, text messaging even using emails but this is totally wrong, although doing this means it’s not necessary to look at the expression on his/her face and if it is by text, you don’t even need to talk.
However the case may be, this really is not a way to finish a romantic relationship peacefully. This approach defeats the whole essence of having an appropriate and dignified ending to your relationship peacefully. To do it right, you have to do it in person.
4. Be honest and truthful:
Being open and honest about the reason for ending the relationship is very important. The other party may cite many reasons why the relationship should continue and may even try talking you out of your decision.
It is important, however, to remain honest about your feelings toward the other party as well as your reason for wanting to end the relationship. Always be sincere, regardless of the long-term outcome because you will be better able to be at peace with your decision.
5. Do not avoid before breaking up.
Most lovers who want to end a relationship try to avoid their partner and distance themselves with silly excuses. Understand that your partner deserves to know what’s going on in your mind and has every right to know the truth about your feelings. You can express your views that you’re not happy in the relationship, but you should never ignore your partner’s calls or avoid them in person.
At times, it may just be a phase or a misunderstanding that created all the differences. Before you seriously consider ending the relationship, give it some time to see if both of you can better your relationship and make it work first.
6. Stop the Blames and Accusations:
Most times, breakups can be one-sided or mutual depending on the parties involved. Whether you are ending your relationship based on mutual agreement or on personal preference, there is no reason to throw blames or accusations at each other. Throwing in accusations usually brings in conflicts and also causes the break up not to end on a good note.
Parties will end up leaving the relationship bitter and resentful toward each other despite the good experiences they may have had together. Each individual should instead come to terms with the fact that he/she is not perfect and contributed to the break-up in some way.
7. Talk About it: “the conversation”:
According to Paulo Coelho “It is always important to know when something has reached its end.& Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it and when this happens in a relationship, it is always important to do it right by talking about it”.
As it is always said, communication in a relationship is paramount in order to ensure either a successful relationship/happy ending or an appropriate end of the relationship peacefully.
8. Doing the Explanation:
In the above tip, we talked about the conversation and communication stage. I believe you might want to ask “what is there to talk about?” Well in this tip, it is the stage of explanation. If you really want to break up with the one you love and end it appropriately, you need to get into the break up with details and explanations such that it leads to an appropriate ending.
A break up hurts most times, but you should be able to tell your partner how you feel. Explain the real reason behind why you want to end the relationship, but try not to infuriate your partner by bringing up touchy issues. You’re trying to break up with the one you love, and you should learn to do it appropriately without picking faults.
9. Know the cause:
Knowing the cause and the genesis of the break is a great way of knowing how to end it. Generally, breakups occur for several reasons and it isn’t until you understand the reason why the relationship is going to end that you can have an appropriate ending.
This is because knowing the reason for the end will give room for both parties involved to accept the breakup and move on. If the break up appears to be unexpected, one party or both may be so shocked that he/she may go into depression or may even suffer a form of temporary insanity.
In a nutshell, sudden break-ups are never an appropriate way of ending relationships peacefully. The outcome is better when you know the cause, accept the end and then move on.
10. Be serious about it:
Breakups are never something anyone prays for when going into a relationship, so you should understand that it is not an enviable and pleasurable situation and you should be serious about it if you are going to end the relationship.
Although most people feel it’s great to create a scenario that will leave their partner hanging, fed up and finally walk away, I tell you, it only makes you look like a coward. As a man or woman full of dignity and respect, you should always be clear of this situation.
Deal with this appropriately and with a sincere attitude and be more practical with the situation, while giving proper consideration to your partner.
11. Be certain about it:
Having mixed feelings about ending your relationship can be annoying and can also mess with your heart and eventually your partner will sense it at some points.
When this happens, it surely reduces your worth. When you think of ending your relationship peacefully and you decide to have a conversation about it, you should be certain of what you want. If you are still confused about your feelings regarding the relationship, you should delay the conversation until you are absolutely sure.
Sending an unclear message to your partner will only result in unnecessary heartache and a messy breakup. Be sure and make it clear that your decision to move on is final.
12. Do it in public:
This tip can be very helpful. According to Kacy Carr; “It’ll help if people are close by because your boyfriend or girlfriend may be less likely to go off on one, and cause chaos. Being around others will give you the confidence to follow through with the breakup.
If you’re alone you are under threat of caving in and backing out of going through with ending the relationship peacefully. Go to a cafe or library where you can ease up and leave if things get nasty, rather than wait for this person to go”.
So, most times ending a relationship can be great and appropriate if it is done in an open place where it is less likely for the tension to erupt into a messy situation.
13. Avoid clichés:
Ending a relationship peacefully is never a happy moment and at this juncture no one wants to hear words like “It’s not you, it’s me!” or probably “You’re really nice, but…” or “We can still be friends” yeah these are good words as you may want to be friends after a break up but now is not the time to discuss that, nor does it make any sense to tell him/her that: “You’re bound to meet someone really special who is more right for you than I am…”
Just stick to the facts of the matter, go straight to the breakup conversation so that you don’t utter words that will cause more harm.
14. Don’t allow someone to do the work:
Most people behave awkwardly when they are about to end their relationship peacefully and the most distasteful thing is letting someone else do the dirty work for them.
This can be very annoying, cowardly and equally disrespectful. This is a task only you can do. I understand that you might need some help and tips on how to go about it.
By all means, try doing it yourself as it dignifies you.
15. Be ready to experience some negative feedback from him/her or their allies:
It is natural to be angered during break up as it is a natural reaction to hurt. So at this point, you should be ready for some negative feedback and insults from the other party. When you prepare for this, you are likely to handle the situation calmly.
In summary, remember that breakups suck and hurting someone sucks also. But remember that these uncomfortable feelings and difficult experiences are all part of being human. So if you feel guilty, it’s a good thing and it means you have a conscience.
16. Walking out.
At this point, you have probably patiently explained the reasons for the break up in a calm voice and both of you have decided to end the relationship peacefully.
It is now time for you to walk out of the relationship without having any ill will towards each other. Although this comes with some waves of overwhelming relief yet a painful and sober realization that you’ve just broken up with someone you love.
It’s normal to feel and have conflicting emotions, so don’t worry about it. Decide whether you want to stay as friends or whether you’d like to avoid each other for a while till the wounds are healed. But in either case, staying as friends would only bring more pain, so it is advised to give each other some space, at least for a few months.
17. Final Goodbyes.
Yes now you have broken up and you seem to have ended the relationship yet you still think you can have some moments, these are all tricky issues that pop up.
Once you have broken up, it is best to say the goodbyes and let it be the end. Stop sprouting moments that might bring back some old memories.
Hope this article and the tips were helpful to you, let us get your comment and reactions about it. This article 17 Proven Ways To End A Relationship Peacefully is from my heart. I have ended relationships, and to be truthful, in some cases I did it the wrong way. Thanks a lot.
Images courtesy of marcolm at FreeDigitalPhotos.net