Marriage, thunder, and lightning are all made in Heaven they say. Probably the reason why even great marriages experience dark, thunder filled, Lightning periods. So, hold your horses before calling it quits! There are several factors, signs you need to consider. Supposing you own a house. The sitting room bulb then burns up.

 Marriage

Do you sell your things and move out or do you simply change the bulb? Selling your stuff and moving out seems dramatic yes? Exactly the reason you utilize the verb that comes with marriage. Doing!  You constantly choose to “do” love. You married the spouse you love now stay married and continue loving the one you married!

So, how do you know your marriage is worth saving?

Marriage goes through trying, boring and resentment filled days. It’s simply inevitable! Getting to know your partner in marriage isn’t as easy as ABC says Julia B. Colwell  author of the incredible free eBook “Is your relationship worth saving?” There are some parts your spouse reveals about themselves and you’ll totally hate them! Yet that doesn’t mean you divorce them instantly! Judy Bodmer in “When love dies: How to save a hopeless marriage” concurs.  As a wife, you don’t have to address everything your husband does.

There are days you’ll have to literally act blind to keep the peace within you and between you and your spouse. As the husband, acting deaf sometimes is the wiser move. Being an emotional being, your wife is bound to say hurtful stuff in the heat of the moment. Most times, she doesn’t really mean them.

Unfortunately, there are times the person you married seizes to exist! You keep giving it your all but it’s like watering cement.  No matter how much you pour water to cement, it cannot grow a plant.  If your relationship is like watering cement, run! Bethany Marshall in her book “Deal Breakers: Explains, When to work on a relationship and when to walk away” with a simple concept. Never stay in a relationship that takes all the good in you and constantly unravels the negative aspects within you.

Below are 17 well-researched signs your marriage is certainly worth saving. Read this till the end first before filing those divorce papers!

SIGN 1:  REVENGE IS CERTAINLY OFF THE TABLE!

 You’ve given almost all your friends the same assignment! To come up with ideas you could use to avenge your spouse’s infidelity, lying, aggression or whatever their fault. There are some pretty incredible ideas on the table, but you can’t just seem to execute them!  Revenge on someone you care about so much doesn’t sound or feel right.

Is this your current predicament?  Put away your revenge gear and instead come up with tactics to salvage your marriage. It’s worth saving say’s Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., the well-renowned psychologist, professor and author of over 100 marriage and relationship articles.

The secret is addressing your frustrations openly! That way, emotional distance and vengeance plans are avoided.

SIGN2:  YOU MISS EACH OTHER!

Claire Hatch author of the best marriage transformational book “save your marriage: get rid of your resentment” is clear on this matter. Missing your spouse? Awesome! According to Claire Hatch, it’s a sign that your marriage is worth saving.

Missing someone concurrently resenting them is apparently a positive sign. According to her, it shows you miss the person your spouse is despite resenting their behavior.  All you need to do now is to act! Text your spouse and ask them out for dinner, despite the resentment. This is a dare! High chances are they too are missing you in every possible way. Remember, this is your spouse! You have nothing to lose!

SIGN 3: GROWTH

Marriage makes you vulnerable yet strong, reveals Julia B. Colwell in her book.  It has a way of bringing out the best in you. This is only after taking you through a roller coaster of your darkest emotions and the most blissful ones. That’s how you grow as a person and in marriage! Since saying “I do”, have you grown in any way?  Factor that in before considering divorce. A marriage is worth saving if both parties have clearly grown.

Has your marriage helped you grow?? Are you better at handling pressure today than you were before thanks to your marriage? That’s growth, says Judy Bodmer. It’s proof your marriage is worth saving. Are you still willing to grow together financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally and age wise? If yes,

Are you still willing to grow together financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally and age wise? If yes, your marriage is worth saving! Marriage is like a tree! When the flowers fall, the tree is focused on ensuring new flowers will still “bud”.  If your better half brings the best in you, fight for your marriage! It’s certainly worth saving.

SIGN 4: YOU STILL PREFER THE “DEVIL” YOU KNOW

Wherever you look nowadays, guys/ladies are hitting on you. It’s like they too got the memo your marriage is in the valleys.  Is this by any chance you? Weirdly, you aren’t interested; all you desire is your mate. The idea of finding another mate is simply intolerable!  You’d rather be fighting with your partner than anyone else, right? Hearing stories about irredeemably awful marriages from friends, blogs, and the general media confirms you’re fortunate to have your mate.

You’re able to handle his demon as well as he/she handles yours.  Are you thinking it’s better to handle baggage you already know?  It’s wise of you to acknowledge the fact that no one is perfect.  Benson, L.A, McGinn, M, and Christensen, state this in their book “Common principals of couple therapy, behavior therapy”.

SIGN 5: INSEPARABLE!

You’re always together! To most, it seems like a terrible idea, but for the both of you, incredible is an understatement. Yes, you step on each other’s toes more often than couples who spend fewer times together but it’s worth it! According to David Right, you’re building your mosaic marriage with millions of tiny memories that ultimately make your marriage authentic.

He implies this in his bestseller book “Save my marriage today: how to stop divorce before it starts and after the affair: relationship book for woman and man”. Are movie night and your days boring without your better half?  That’s a sure sign your marriage is worth saving suggests David Right.

SIGN 6: EXTERNAL FACTORS

Your spouse is a great person. If only their family would leave you two to run your marriage, or if only your spouse still had their jobs. Perhaps losing your child is the reason you’re Marriage considering leaving your hubby?

You need Mort Fertel marriage fitness program! The internationally renowned relationship psychologist highly recommends saving your marriage if you’re going through the external factors storm. He talks from first hand experience.

They lost their first born child, then later on their twin daughters’ right after birth. Amazingly, they knew they still loved each other despite the fact that they were slowly and steadily drifting apart.  You know how they salvaged their marriage? Spoiler alert:  They didn’t allow external factors to dictate their marriage. So, why should you?  Look at it this way, whatever you’re going through is just one scenario! It doesn’t define your marriage.  At least you shouldn’t let it! 

SIGN 7:  THE TEAM WORK ROCKS!

Yet another remarkable way of knowing your marriage is worth saving is when both of you make an impeccable team! You work great together! It’s true your mate drives you nuts lately more often than they should.  But even then, you can’t argue how awesomely you work together. He’s good with computers, locations, and research and you thrive in people skills, entertainment, and budgeting.

You complement each other! You always have a way of bringing out the best in each other.  Is this your marriage? If yes, it’s worth focusing on how great your team works rocks whenever the marriage faces an uphill task. It’s salvageable says Marty Babits the couple’s treatment expert and Co-director of the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy in New York City.

SIGN 8: DIVERSION!

“To avoid the argument from blowing up, do you or your spouse choose to put it aside and tackle the issue at a later date? It can get really frustrating when an argument is put off. But it’s always wise.That way, decisions are made with a sober mind. Capable of diverting from pressure and focusing on positive aspects as a couple? Your marriage is worth saving”, says Mort Fertel. He has his marriage to back up his concept and his marriage fitness program that has saved thousands of marriages.

SIGN 9: THOUGHTFULNESS

Your marriage is worth saving when your better half does small, thoughtful acts consistently showing they care. Thoughtfulness is paramount in marriages, says Linda Bloom, L.C.S.W., and Charlie Bloom, M.S.W. The authors of “Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truths from Real Couples about Lasting Love.”

Who doesn’t want to feel cared for?  Does your spouse despite a terrible fight offer you an umbrella when it’s raining?  Do they care if your deal went great or whether you got to your parents home Ok? If your partner is thoughtful, consider that a sign!

SIGN 10:  YOU’RE STILL ROLE MODELS TO YOUR KIDS AND FRIENDS

A terrible fight went down between the two of you. Surprisingly, you still treat each other respectfully in front of your kids and friends. It’s like nothing ever happened.  If you still respect your spouse in front of his family, friends and your children, you shouldn’t be considering leaving them.

A person who still respects you despite being mad is one incredible spouse. Consider working it out! Everything good in marriage comes after putting in the work, consistency, and respect so hold on, recommends Linda Bloom, L.C.S.W., and Charlie Bloom, M.S.W.  

SIGN 11: APPRECIATIVE

“Is your spouse, your number one cheerleader and appreciates you and the efforts you make in your marriage? Then, by all means, try salvaging your marriage. It’s worth saving”, says Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT  the highly certified marriage therapist and writer on relationships and Codependence.

Having a partner who’s simply supportive, motivating and appreciative in marriage is simply worth growing old with. Consistency and being authentic will yield a healthy, fit marriages.

SIGN 12: AVAILABILITY

“Hey, it’s urgent I need you!” is enough for your spouse to drop everything {you shouldn’t, however, be overly dependent on your spouse}. If your spouse the kind who makes time for you and the kids (if they are in the picture)? Is your family bond paramount to them? Consider giving your marriage another shot. They’ve already proved you can count on them.

If despite their availability, you’re falling apart, it’s wise to note that sometimes, falling part is required. That’s how two people realize they are better off falling back together suggests Mort Fertel in his marriage fitness program.

SIGN 13: 100% in!

If you’re married to someone who still turns you on and is all in, 100% consider your marriage worth saving. Your sparkle could be gone right now, but that doesn’t mean you quit on your marriage.

In his book “Where did our love go, and where do we go from here?” Simeon Lindstrom throws some light to the matter. You can’t stay in limbo in a marriage! It’s either you go hard or go home! Giving 50% to a marriage is for divorcing couples.You have to give your relationship 100%

SIGN 14: BELIEFS

Do you and your spouse believe there is a God and that he should be involved in your marriage? Do you both enjoy giving to charity? What other beliefs do you share?

According to Julia B. Colwell being on the same Island with your spouse is a sign your marriage is redeemable. The Opposite is also true, she says. Having different beliefs with your spouse could be the exact adrenaline required to keep your marriage fit.

SIGN 15: THE THOUGHT OF LETTING YOUR SPOUSE GO FREAKS YOU OUT!

Marriage Focus on how you’ll feel 5 years down the line in this scenario. You’re sipping your coffee at your favorite joint when suddenly, your spouse walks in. The only difference this time is, he’s not running late for your coffee date. He’s there with someone else, on a date! What is that feeling you’re feeling right now?

Do you feel like you lost the best? If by any chance you do, by all means, do your future self a favor and consider saving your marriage now, recommends Leslie Cane in her blog http://isavedmymarriage.com/.     Clearly, some,  if not all marriages are worth saving!

SIGN 16:  YOUR MATE STILL HAS A WAY OF CRACKING YOU UP

As irritatingly, boring and insensitive as your spouse gets sometimes, they still have a way of making you laugh. At the very least smile. At least they used to at some point. Even if it meant making a fool out of themselves.  If your marriage was once like this, it’s certainly worth saving. What is forgotten can be re-learnt Leslie Cane notes.

SIGN 17:  THE POSITIVES GENERALLY OUTWEIGH THE NEGATIVES

You’ve probably done SWOT analyses of your marriage, yes?  It’s a must-do if you have not.  On an A4 paper, draw a cross.  Write strength, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats in the space and list each.

Does his/her strength outweigh his/her weaknesses? (Remember the same share of judgment shall be used on you too). If the threats are minimal or tolerable according to you, think twice before walking out on your partner. It’s earth, no one is perfect!

In conclusion,

 Ponder on this:  Knowing what you now know about your spouse, could you still choose to marry them all over again? If your answer is yes, your marriage is worth saving!  The mere fact that you’re researching on the topic is also evident that your marriage is worth saving.

Sometimes, obstacles are placed in marriages to determine if your love is worth fighting for. Are you willing to put in the work even if it means working on your marriage all by yourself at first?

 


David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

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