Top 17 Ways To Initiate Sex with Your Husband

By David Small •  Updated: 05/09/17 •  14 min read

How can I Initiate sex with my husband? This is the question a lot of women have asked and are seeking answers. To some, men are supposed to be the one to make the first move.

To others, they just want to ‘wait for the right time’ (that never comes) or maybe they simply don’t know how to go about it. If any of that describes you, this article will help you see things differently and eventually spice things up with your husband in the bedroom.

Initiate Sex with Your Husband

You see, sex is a core part of the married life, and there are plenty of articles, tutorials and guides out there that will claim to have the best information on how to have great sex.

This, of course, depends on how often the partners enjoy themselves in the bedroom because while having sex once in a blue moon is okay for some, it is the direct opposite of others.

I want to share with you in this article the Top 17 Ways To Initiate Sex with Your Husband that I have discovered.

  1. Bring in Some Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm is like the vehicle that drives the act of initiating sex. Think about it for a second, how do you even play ‘the game’ if your enthusiasm is nowhere to be found?

It looks like a ‘let’s just do this’ kinda thing, right? I agree. Of course, it may look foolish, but I like how Colette puts it, “You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.”

If you plan to initiate sex with your husband, start by avoiding indirect and boring words like ‘Do you wanna?’ Instead, cut the gentleman some slack; get in the right frame of mind for sex so that you are ready and enthusiastic about it.

If you do not show enthusiasm, your husband is likely to sense this and won’t even try to initiate or respond to anything.

  1. Think of the Age Old Love letter

If you thought love letters are a thing of the past century, you thought wrong. Of course, this is the 21st century and everything have gone digital and ‘screeny’, for lack of a better word. But there are certain things that are rather done the old-fashioned way, my dear.  To Initiate sex via love letters is one of them.

Wondering how to do that? Well, instead of the usual screen conversations, why not break the monotony and craft a love letter for your partner that will make them hot in the pants? Okay, I get it; you want some more tips? I’ll give it to ya. What if you write what you would want when you have sex the next time, illustrating vividly how horny you are feeling while doing this?

You can take it up a notch by adding a place and time or even inserting a sachet or small tube of flavored lube into the envelope. OMG! You’re spoiling me right now… I know! Just make sure your intentions are well communicated so your act of initiating sex is not forfeited.

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Look, if you want to initiate sex with your husband, it does not have to be a well calculated and serious act all the time. It’s okay to be vulnerable; be a giggle, laugh, and be a complete child. After all, he is your husband and not just some ‘boyfriend’, so cut yourself some slack and just flow. What’s the catch here? It neutralizes the tension involved with initiating sex and helps you both laugh over those silly acts thereby forming a good foundation for some foul play.

This could be in some form of silly comments like, “hey, big boy, your girl is in need of something really hot. You think you can quench her taste?” You can say that while moving closer in a rather flirtatious manner. No, he won’t misunderstand that – at least not 99.9% of men; he’d grab you before you know it and thank you later.

  1. Tease Him With Some Sneak Peek In Public

If you are wondering how to be good in order to initiate sex with your husbandyou can try wearing a skirt with a slit up its side and thigh-high stockings when you are out on a date. But only a few women wear stockings these days, you may want to say.

The trick, however, is not just in the stockings, but what happens when you cross your legs and he gets a glimpse of your suspenders. Now you get it, right? It will trigger an aggressive sexual fantasy that makes him want to grab you and take you somewhere for a quickie.

You mean initiating sex can be that effective in public? Yes, it sure can, but you’ll have no idea how awesome it feels until you’ve gotten that first quickie – okay if you haven’t already.


Photo by Joanna Nix on Unsplash

  1. Do Not Feel Embarrassed About Initiating Sex

If you grew up thinking ‘good girls do not like or enjoy sex’ then dish that mindset this very minute else, you will never find sexual satisfaction. More so, you will have trouble trying to initiate sex with your husband and it would be a struggle for you.

Heck, it’d be like you’re going way off your ‘religious radar’ into something you do not recognize. Like I always say, women are not always to take a back seat while they enjoy the ride; it’s a whole lot sexier when they grab the wheel every so often.

Granted, this can be a steep learning curve for some women, but here’s a better way to see things; very simple things can help make the transition easier. Saying things like ‘You made me feel great’ or ‘I had fun last night’ can go a long way in helping you stop being embarrassed about sex and about, initiating sex as well.

  1. Talk Dirty to Him – in His Ears – in Public

Oh my God! You mean in public? Oh yes, you read that right. Take your sexiness up a notch by learning in once a while with a peck on his neck and whispering what you wish you could do to him that very minute.

Or perhaps, that you are not wearing any panties. Oh geez… you didn’t just say that! Well, I did. Trust me, initiating sex can never be this easier as no man would hear that and not want to grab you to a corner for a quickie.

By doing that, you would have succeeded in influencing his thoughts all day with the image of you not wearing any panties and you must have achieved your subtle act of initiating sex. Easy, right? You bet!

  1. Initiate Sex Through Actions Rather Than Words

Some people, for whatever reason, are not too comfortable with talking about sex. That is fine. Although, I would advise they learn to, and there is a way to start. You see, sometimes when it comes to initiating sex, actions speak louder than words.

How? You may want to ask. Let me give you a clue: those subtle hand wraps around him while you nibble his ear, those occasional eye contact while watching a romance movie together, etc. are many ways you can non-verbally engage in the act of initiating sex.

  1. Why Not Take the Wheel?

It may terrify you half to death and may seem obvious, but the chances of any guy not going with it are slim to none.  Truth is, men, find women who are not scared to make the first move amazingly sexy and satisfying.

So the next time you’re feeling horny, you don’t have to wait for him to start initiating sex before you hop on the road. Forget what you’ve heard that men must always come forth, first, and ride your man to the moon without him doing or saying a word!

Initiate Sex

Photo by Alejandra Quiroz on Unsplash

  1. Avoid Over Thinking Sex

Why do women fail to initiate sex with their husbands? One phrase – over thinking! It doesn’t matter if you feel ‘he wouldn’t want it tonight’ or whether he’s in the right mode for it tonight. More than half the time, men are always ready for the action, trust me on that.

When you find yourself overthinking the act of sex or initiating sex, stop yourself, count 1 to 5 and just go for it. You will do no one good by coming up with a million reasons why it would be a disaster – it won’t!

  1. Fill His Head With Images of What He’s Missing While Away

Initiating sex doesn’t always have to be a verbal or touchy thing; it can be done through pictures. You know, men are known to be visual creatures. And this is a good thing for women because it becomes easy to paint the exact picture you want to be in his head even before he gets home to you.

I know you want to know how already. Okay, how about planning the day and sending him some revealing pictures at intervals? By ‘revealing’, I do not mean the whole thing at once, not at all. Start from the top and allow him to literally remove your clothes one after the other in his head. You can end with a tip of the main thing but do not show him. I repeat, do not show him. Keep that as a surprise when he gets back.

“A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table- There’s nothing wrong with them, but it’s hard to stop thinking about.” 
― Garrison Keillor

  1. Finish What You Initiated

One mistake some women make with their husbands is that, after doing all the teasing all day, they leave the man high and dry when he gets home. Common ladies, that is not fair. Why should start what you can’t finish?

The thing is this, if you started to initiate sex while he was away, chances are he wants you to continue when he’s back or better still as soon as he enters the house.

Try your best to set the right atmosphere that’d help you both enjoy yourselves when he’s back. And oh, it is not the time to watch some gossip on TV. Shut it off and go give your man the best time of his life!

  1. Use Your Movie Nights To Initiate Sex with Your Husband

Movie nights can sometimes be boring and predictable, but don’t let that happen. Not after reading this article. Instead of the boring films, go for something hot. If it’s not already available, go get it and tell him you wanted you both to enjoy that tonight.

While the ‘hot movie’ plays, you can show him how hot you feel by leaning in for a kiss or by showing a little skin or even taking some clothes off.

What? You mean… oh yes! You want it girl, so go for it! In fact, you can even take it a step further by grabbing his privates and massaging it. Oh, yeah? I know this takes some courage, but trust me, initiating sex in a raw way like this will make you even hotter than you already are.


Photo by Beth Solano on Unsplash

  1. Stop Dillydallying and Go For It!

If you are caught in-between decisions whether this is what you want to do or not, it will definitely affect how clear a signal you pass across to your husband. If for instance, he’s planning a business trip, chances are he will be spending the morning paying bills, sorting papers, packing or getting some chores done around the house. Now, you may be looking for the best opportunity to initiate sex and get him to bed before he leaves. Don’t you worry; it’s not as hard as it seems.

Instead of dilly-dallying on the best time to initiate sex, just find that one time he is less busy and walk up to him and let him know plainly how much you’d miss him. This is not the time to act in codes; you have to be plain and upfront with this.

  1. What Happened to a Hot Massage?

If you ever feel like you really want to help your husband relax after a hectic day, you should learn the art of massaging. No, you must not be a pro to make someone feel relaxed; you only need to know the right spots to handle and the right massage oils to get.

You can set a romantic scene by using scented massage oils. This will assist you to initiate sex effectively. But let’s not forget, there is a chance he may enjoy the massage too much and fall asleep before you get your groove on – don’t let that happen!

  1. Initiate Sex By Being the Eye Candy

How about dishing the boring flannel pajamas for silk ones? You get the point, right? It’s okay to be the eye candy. You are not a call girl – this is your husband. So it’s totally alright to influence his imagination and drive him wild with your silk pajamas.

Another way would be to wear a matching panty and bra set or even going naked underneath a bathrobe. Oh, don’t tell me to do that… well, initiating sex cannot feel better than that. Give him a quick flash while he watches the television and trusts me, he’d run after you like a puppy!

  1. Go Shop for Some New Underwear

How can I initiate sex with my husband wearing underwear? you may ask. Well, let’s say you use it as a teaser. This is what I mean. While he’s at work, hint him that you bought some new underwear, but don’t show him. You know what this does to him? It puts an image in his head of how sexy you must be looking in that new underwear, and of course how he could take those off when he gets home.

Just make sure your choice looks as hot and saucy as the image he has in his head so it doesn’t disappoint when he finally gets the chance to see them while you start initiating sex.


  1. Give it to him HOT!

Do not let the act of initiating sex end simply because you have caught his attention and you are heading to the bedroom. Try to be very active during lovemaking. Guide his hand, touch him and try to be the aggressor, even if it’s just a little bit. Don’t make him feel like he’s got you, rather make him feel you’ve got him – there is a difference.

Take a chance to ride him by being on top – in charge. Need I tell you how sexy it feels for men when their woman can be in charge? It tells him you’re really ready for the action instead of lying there like a log of wood for him to do all the action.

Bottom line

There you have it, ladies. Note, you must not master all these 17 tips to initiate sex, just start with a few and gradually master your way into being that lovemaking goddess your husband always wants to come home too. I’d like to end with this powerful quote from Hermann Hesse’s Novel, Siddhartha,

“So she thoroughly taught him that one cannot take pleasure without giving pleasure and that every gesture, every caress, every touch, every glance, every last bit of the body has its secret, which brings happiness to the person who knows how to wake it.

She taught him that after a celebration of love the lovers should not part without admiring each other, without being conquered or having conquered, so that neither is bleak or glutted or has the bad feeling of being used or misused.” 

― Hermann HesseSiddhartha

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

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