These ten things will destroy your marriage relationship, plain and simple. This is an incomplete list of errors people make when they want to improve their Marriage relationship. At times, it’s prudent to observe others and take note of what not to do.
10) Take no action! Relax, the problem (crisis, incident, circumstance, danger, etc.) won’t last long!
Ignorance isn’t always bliss. The fact of the matter is that your issues probably won’t get swept under the rug. As time passes, resentment builds to the point where it all comes crashing down inevitably. You may be surprised when it happens, but you soon realize that you should have rectified things when you had the chance to.
A marriage crisis is a cumulative effect. It’s not often that a single moment ruins a relationship. Rather, it is a series of neglections that contribute to existing problems, which inevitably produces so much stress that things start to fall apart.
9) Don’t ask for help because your marriage relationship problems are personal!
When you’re going through a marriage crisis, you endeavor to figure out where you went wrong. We tend to make decisions that got us in trouble in the first place, which won’t solve anything.
Our thought patterns sometimes get the better of us. After we determine them, we don’t modify too much. Consider that all your conflicts with your spouse essentially go through the same motions. Your daily routine is no different. We are comfortable with familiarity and frown upon change. Even pain that is consistent is preferred over actions that are foreign to us, at least that’s what we tell ourselves.
However, we often get stuck, and sometimes a lack of help from an outside party is the only way we can get our own heads.
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8) Use the advice you get for free. After all, what could go wrong?
Free advice is just about useless. When you’re hurt, do you get free advice on how to get better? When you need help with the law, do you get free recommendations?
Why, then, would you use free advice when your relationship is on the rocks? We all make transactions and trades to acquire what we lack, and this includes information. Those who attempt to offer advice without anything in return likely have a useless knowledge to provide.
Ask yourself how much your marriage relationship is worth. If someone were to tell you how to become $20,0000 richer within 24 hours, would you pay for that information? Liken that to your marriage – the average cost of a separation is $20,000, so expect to be set back by that amount if you and your loved one call it quits.
What about having a loving, genuine, peaceful marriage relationship? What is the value of that? People pay almost as much as $5 for a cup of coffee each day, double that for a pack of smokes, $40 for alcohol each week, $100 for cable TV each month, etc. You pay for the things you value. Relationship advice fits into that category.
It all comes down to the value you put on your marriage relationship. Free advice will probably cost you more money in the end.
7) Read some books and make sure your spouse sees them. Perhaps she or he will think you’re making an attempt to rectify things!
Research indicates that almost 80% of self-help books that are purchased don’t get read. You made time to buy knowledge, either because the cover wowed you, because it came recommended, or because you had no other options.
You placed it on a shelf, and there it remained, often acting as a coaster, or having other things piled on top of it. Out of sight = out of mind. Just a little bit of content in those books could be a marriage saver, though. Make time for the things you invest in for the greater good.
6) Conduct research, but don’t take action. It probably won’t even work for you, anyway!
Even if you’ve read the information, you still have to act on it. Perhaps the content seems difficult, over the top, too simple, too complex, or simply incorrect! It’s best to reserve judgment until you process what you’ve learned.
What’s been done so far has not given you the outcome you desired. Maybe it’s time to change things up a little. At times, new thought processes seem out of place, and not par for the course. However, much like trying anything new for the first time, you’ll get better the more you do it. What seems tricky at first starts to feel natural over time. What you’ve done so far has gotten you to where you are today, so it makes sense to do something different for a change.
5) Get faulty intel from unreliable sources. Some knowledge is better than none!
As you have likely learned, there are plenty of experts out there willing to take your money in return for the solution to saving your marriage relationship. Ensure your expert is someone qualified. At the very least, ensure that they have been trained to give out such advice, rather than just going by their own experiences. A Ph.D. is not necessary, but if they can’t reference their qualifications, you’re better off getting help from someone else.
Experts are people who have field training, been taught by professionals, and have solutions to resolve things for you. Everyone else is looking to make a dollar off of your distress. Ensure you know who’s who.
4) Do as much as you can at once. More is better, right?
Most marriages have been neglected for lengthy periods until someone hits their breaking point. The other party then goes to extremes, perhaps coordinating date nights, having one-on-one conversations out of the blue, cleaning the house, getting a second job…anything to bring things back to how they used to be!
Choose a few things to do instead. Be regular and slow with them. Starting from scratch is time-consuming, but doing all you can at one time will only push your spouse further away.
3) Beg, argue, and plead. Your marriage relationship will be saved once your spouse sees how emotional you are!
This scenario is very typical. We often take for granted that a spouse will see the logic in what we do, even if it involves begging, pleading, and getting emotional. The trouble is, both spouses are on different pages.
If you throw someone a rope, they grab it. When you begin pulling, their instinct is to pull back. They match your power. The more I attempt to convince someone of something that isn’t harmonious with their thoughts; their instinctive reaction is to become stauncher with their beliefs.
With that, the begging, reasoning, and pleading has the adverse effect and will expedite the relationship’s dissolution.
2) Inform your spouse that the problems to be solved are their responsibility. Expose the error of their ways!
You can make things worse by telling your spouse how their decision to end the relationship is just them having a midlife crisis, how they are never content, how things all come down to their family’s dysfunction and some other things you learned from television gurus.
Even if you’re right, you won’t be looked at as credible. Rather, you’ll be amplifying the frustration felt by your spouse. A diagnosis of the relationship should be conducted by a third party, preferably a professional. Neither spouse can give an objective diagnosis.
1) Show how dependent you are on them! This will lock them down for sure!
Clingy, needy people are never fun to be around. Yearning for acceptance is human but not attractive. When someone is going through a rough patch, they don’t want to be tied down through manipulation.
Some people threaten to commit suicide to show how much they love their spouse. Some go on strike with regards to eating, paying bills, caring for children, etc. In all of those instances, those who want out of the relationship are seen as the sane ones and rightfully so. Needy behavior is a deterrent, especially when someone doesn’t want to be involved.
These ten things are surefire ways to kill any marriage relationship. There are more things you can do, but this list addresses the popular methods.
Hopefully, you’re not discouraged, and instead, ready to consider what you’re doing (and not doing) to save your relationship. Forcing a relationship to stay intact is not ideal when one party wants out. If things can be fixed, the approach should be through ways that can heal – not hurt – the marriage relationship.
Do you have a list, and if so, what’s on it? What errors have you committed in your endeavors to preserve your marriage relationship?
David Smallis the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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