15 Tips for Overcoming Insecurity in Your Relationship

By David Small •  Updated: 02/01/17 •  11 min read

Relationship dating advice and tips are the last things you think about when everything s rosy in your relationship. Insecurity in relationships can be agonizing as you are constantly worried about the stability of your relationship. Being insecure in a relationship is an incapacitating problem that can negatively influence your whole life all- around.

15 Tips for Overcoming Insecurity in Your Relationship - relationshiptips4u

Fortunately, improving your sense of security, confidence and self-esteem can be achieved. Here are some helpful tips that can help you improve your self-esteem and sense of security; hence becoming more admirable to your partner.

Keep reading to find out about the 15 Tips for Overcoming Insecurity in Your Relationship that will transform your relationship

1. Begin to value yourself more

If you are going through insecurity in your relationship, this may not seem like a way out first. Insecurity in relationships stems from self- doubt. Russ Harris author of the book  A Guide to overcoming Fear and Self- Doubt,  states ‘Too many of us miss out on opportunities in life because we lack self-confidence’. When we do not believe in ourselves, we fail to achieve a lot in our lives including securing a healthy functional relationship.

Russ Harris shares instead of focusing on ‘getting over’ our fears; the secret is to form a new and wiser relationship with them. Once we stop stressing against our fearfulness, we start to find lasting freedom from it. Always focus on your strengths, talents and also your strongest physical attributes. Your insecurity in relationships will begin to drop if you realize you got more to offer in the relationship.

2. Self Reevaluation will help in overcoming Insecurity

If you constantly become insecure in every relationship you get in, it is time to slow yourself down and ask yourself the following:

a) what exactly happens that makes you feel this way?

b) What are my patterns of behavior or my reaction at those moments?

c) When before did I have this feeling?

d) When I was younger, did I ever feel this way?

Answering these questions will give you a starting point on what you need to do to progress your sense of security in your relationship.

Most likely, you have been reacting to circumstances that occurred a long time ago and the set of patterns is sub-consciously carried forward.  Always remember that your insecurities may not be what they seem. Breaking down your feelings will help you become aware of what exactly causes you to feel the way you feel and identify how you react. Being aware of all these things, you will easily be able to change your basic attitudes about yourself, others and your life situations.

3. It’s not always about you

Most times, insecure people are ‘relationship junkies’ and the only way they can feel better about themselves is when they are in a relationship. It is a form of seeking validation that you can be loved and appreciated. This leads to many of them getting into any available relationship without careful assessing the potential partner. There are too much expectation and dependency that is portrayed making the relationship unbearable.

Rushing into relationships will make one fail to differentiate the jokers and the potential contenders. You end up getting hurt or disappointed by loading yourself with heartaches from a person who was not up for securing anything serious with you from the word go. Many are times couples are not on the same page concerning their relationship and the best way to find out if you are, is to let everything flow easily. If it’s not, it’s time to let go.

4. Let the bygones be bygones

Every one of us has had heartbreak from a previous relationship. Almost all of us have a bit of baggage that takes a lot of work to stop lugging it around. It is required to reduce your load before jumping into any new relationship.

Once you realize that your new relationship is a new opportunity to put all of that behind you, you will easily let go of any left-over hurtful feelings. People are different and always take the advantage that life has given us that you can re-start as many times as you need to.

5. Remember you have full control of your own thoughts

When you become insecure in your relationship, it’s all brewed by yourself psyching yourself out. We become what we think. A quote by Gautama Buddha goes like “Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Joy follows a pure thought like a shadow that never leaves.”  It’s all on you to decide whether your thoughts will be your relationship’s best friend or worst enemy.

The quality of your relationship is directly affected by the quality of your thoughts. Negative thoughts usually have little to do with reality but a lot to do with fear. More often than not, the problem you are worried about doesn’t even exist since you invented it. It is time you realize you have full control of your thoughts that reflect on the outcome.

6. Learn to be happy and content on your own

It is a wonderful feeling to have a sense of belonging but there many other places to seek other than in a relationship. Do not let loneliness and past heartbreaks force you into premature connections. It is important to work on yourself first, be comfortable alone and then wait for what you deserve.

You can never overcome insecurity when you jump from one relationship to another without having time for yourself. You will never get to know what you really want from a relationship and will forever be afraid of being alone regardless of the relationship situation.

7. Stop the comparison Game

Once the ‘honeymoon period’ is over in a relationship, true colors start to reveal as reality check clicks in. You begin seeing your partner’s flaws whether big or small. Nobody is perfect and if you truly love someone you can overlook some flaws or learn how to deal with them in the future. Where most of us go wrong, we begin to compare your relationship to other people’s relationship or else your current partner to past partners.

When you spot your partner weaknesses, you will probably assume he or she doesn’t love you and you will stick on to all his negative traits forgetting to appreciate the good side of him. Appreciating your partner for who he or she is will improve your relationship hence being comfortable of who you two are as a couple.

8. Live in the moment

By simply learning to embrace and live in the moment, you can accomplish the happiness that seems to dodge most people. When the relationship is new and blossoming, insecurity is brewed by thinking of the worst that could happen in the future. You may start to think about the breakup that may occur, whether his friends or family may not like you, if he or she may meet a better-looking partner than you. Failing to live at the moment has a lot to do with an obsession with negative thinking making it hard to overcome insecurity.

You can start with your own internal dialogue and your thoughts. Make a list of things that make you happy whether initiated by the relationship or not. You will be able to help you focus more on yourself and not be highly dependent on the relationship condition. Julie Clark Robinson, in her book Live In the Moment, says “living in the moment holds the secret to harnessing the power of the present”. She further adds that; “we need to stop allowing life’s ups and downs to dictate how we feel and look to ourselves to set the tone. Always focus on the moment and observe without judging whether it’s a good or bad experience”.

9. Do not be judgmental

To learn to accept yourself, your experiences, success, and failures as well as other people as they are, neither good nor bad without pride or shame, you need to learn to approach life in a non-judgmental manner. As we grow, it is inevitable to discover things we do not like about ourselves and we also tend to judge others.

Judging others is a form of self-righteousness that will draw people away from you. Judging yourself has a lot to do with low self-esteem that will make everyone think you are not worthy enough o love since you do not believe it so as well. Become less judgmental by thinking the best of others and focusing on your strengths more.

10. Be engaged in your own life

If you want a healthy relationship, get a life. You can easily ditch your friends when your relationship is blooming to an extent of forgetting to do the most important things in your life. Getting a life means engaging into passions that aren’t reliant on having a partner and cultivating your own circle of friends who aren’t part of your couple activities.

Participating in your own life will help you control your happiness and be more content other than obsessing over every nitty gritty of your relationship. It is important to have a separate interest in life that doesn’t involve your partner. It instills a sense of self-confidence and you portray your secure by yourself.

11. Be Open minded

We usually get defensive when we are blamed for something that you think was not your fault. Subconsciously become defensive when confronted by our partners over a problem that may seem obvious to them. Fights arise as both partners try to prove they are all right as they try to solve the problem.

In the case of a problem, avoid immediately pointing the finger and try to approach him/her with compassion and understanding. Be ready to accept the fact that both of you is completely right or wrong and the true answer lies somewhere in the middle.

15 Tips for Overcoming Insecurity in Your Relationship - relationshiptips4u

12. Deal with issues as they arise, do not sweep them under the carpet

Conflict can be stressful for your relationship in the short-term, but they build strength in the relationship in the long-term. You grow closer to your partner by facing your problems without fear. Problems are not wished away, they are confronted or with time they will erupt on you with no recovery. This reduces the rate of assumptions hence insecurity and increases happiness and understanding.

13. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you did in the past

You cannot handle the current if you have not dealt with your past issues. Every one of us has a past, and sometimes we could have caused problems that happened, blamed ourselves for letting them happen or even being a victim of a certain situation.

Overcoming insecurity it’s only possible if you forget anything you have done in the past and forgive yourself for doing anything that didn’t please you. Always remember that the only moment that matters is right now since it’s all we have in life. Focus on doing your best right now and what you do now will affect your future and eventually become your past. Keep in mind that you deserve the best.

14. Focus on self-growth

Most of us are afraid of change and they embrace stability hence disregarding any growth. Self-growth can be all round, it can be your health, career, environment, education level, talent etc. always aim to be a better person than who you were yesterday. It improves confidence, keeps you engaged thus providing you with sobriety approach to your relationship. Let your relationship be an additional spice to your life but not the main course.

15. Ask yourself if it’s worth it?

It is said that when its true love, it becomes effortless. Yes, but sometimes insecure people can exaggerate small matters to seem as enormous and quite complex by over thinking. However, no one is always a victim of circumstances out of no willpower of choice. We choose on how to let people treat us, starting with our spouses. If you keep on be used as a doormat by men, it’s time to dig deep within yourself and know why you allow it. When you do not value yourself more you will end up dating men or women who will realize how much you value yourself and treat you less of it.

There is no need of being with someone who is a not assuring you enough about your relationship status and keeps you wondering whether it’s there or not.  You can only learn to overcome insecurity by learning to be on your own, being your own biggest cheerleader and know exactly what you want in a relationship.

It’s normal to become a little jealous or feel insecure while in a relationship. Acquiring control to overcome being irrational or obsessed over your relationship is what is required. With the above – shared tips for overcoming insecurity in your relationship will help you be more confident consequently become more desirable to your spouse.

Images courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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