17 Best Ways To Increase Sexual Energy In A Marriage.

By David Small •  Updated: 03/14/17 •  11 min read

Sexual intimacy plays a very important role in strengthening the bond among partners in a marriage.

Most new relationships have very high sexual energy which may decline after a few years together unless you work to maintain it.

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17 Best Ways to Increase Sexual Energy in Your Marriage.

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Although this is a problem that affects many couples who have been together for a considerable length of time, not many people know what to do to reignite the fire of sex in a marriage.

In a 2005 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, it was suggested that marriages tend to function well when there is sexual intimacy between husband and wife.

However, reigniting the sexual energy in your marriage is all work and work. In her book Marriage: The Secret to Rebuilding Trust, Intimacy, and Connection in your Marriage, Keren Johnson acknowledges that marriage cannot work if spouses don’t put in the work required.

The following are some of the best ways to bring back sexual energy into your marriage.

It is hard to bring back intimacy in your marriage if both of you and constantly running from one activity to another all day and every day. It’s even harder in today’s communication age when most people in relationships find themselves lost in engagements on smartphones, tablets or laptops.

So, if you want to reignite your sexual fire, figure out a way to spend some downtime together, create time to unwind a bit and enjoy being in each other’s company.

In a 2003 study published in the Journal of Family Issues, it was observed that couples who perceived themselves to be having quality time together were less likely to end up in divorce

Getting into healthy habits as a couple is a sure way of improving intimacy in marriage relationships. Many relationships experience the lack of intimacy due to unhealthy lifestyles. Unhealthy lifestyles can have strong negative sexual effects including the risk of experiencing sexual dysfunction.

Healthy living, on the other hand, has been known to have the potential to reignite the passion in your marriage.

In a 2010 study published in the Maturitas Journal, it was discovered that exercise and having a healthy diet have an effect on a person’s sexual desire.

So, you need to convince your partner and you to have a healthy diet, exercise, and sleep well. Further, in his book Superfoods and SEX, Alexis Morris suggests that healthy eating can result in enhanced sex drive.

Relates Article: 31 Daily Habits That Will Make A Marriage Stronger

In the day-to-day communication with your husband, ensure you introduce some sexual innuendos. You may want to use sexy texts or emails, a whispered reminder, or a quick comment during a phone call. It isn’t meant only for teenagers.

In her book Talk Sexy to the One You Love (And Drive Each Other Wild in Bed), Barbara Keesling says that there is nothing can reignite your sex life than talking sexy to the one you love and having her or him talk sexy to you.

If you are one of those women who has been asking how to ‘make my husband want me more sexually’, sexting is what could bring back intimacy in your marriage. Learn to use sexier words than usual and keep it fun and flirty.

If you find this idea uncomfortable, start with something mild and transition it into something steamier with time. Just remember that using text or email can be easier than talking at first.


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If you want to reignite sexual energy in your marriage, it is important to close the day together. You don’t have to get lost in kids, technology and a million other responsibilities that pull your attention. Ensure you go to bed together and spend 30 to 45 minutes unwinding together.

Going to bed together with your spouse can help you reignite your sex life. It can help you build unity in your relationship by giving you time to talk, cuddle, and be intimate.

It also helps each one of you establish and maintain healthy sleeping habits ensuring you get at least 6 hours of sleep. According to a 2010 study published in the book Journal of Human Sleep and Cognition, chronic sleep deprivation can lead to losing of judgment, lower libido, and decreased interest in sex. So, if you want to bring back intimacy in your marriage, you must learn to be going to bed together.

It doesn’t have those indecent acts of teenagers who want to show all and sundry that they are madly in love.

Even so, just try. After all, it is good for a couple in a marriage to show some sexual affection at home and in public.

But just how do you go about it? You might want to improve intimacy by giving him a real kiss in the kitchen, pat him on the butt, sit on his lap once in a while or put your hand in the back pocket of his jeans.

Don’t worry about the kids. What you want is to improve sexual energy in your marriage and your kids will love it to see the fire of your love burning.

For you to bring back intimacy in your marriage, you have to be absolutely faithful to your spouse. You have to be loyal to your partner with actions, words, and thoughts – all at the same time. There is nothing that leads to broken relationships like bad-mouthing your spouse.

To reignite sexual energy in your marriage, stop talking about your spouse’s temper and other bad habits. Avoid making the people you associate with think that your spouse is such a bad person. After all, it’s you who chose the person to marry.

There was no one else involved when you were deciding to commit to each other. You made up your mind to put your single life together by being with them, so be faithful in your words, deed, and sex.

Related Article: 17 Best Ways to Make Sex Enjoyable for Your Husband

Don’t make it anything tasteless. It could be just a little flash of skin when no one else is watching. As subtle as it looks, this is bound to increase the sexual energy level in your marriage.

Also, use photos but ensure you are careful and discreet. When out on a date with your husband, make your attire a bit sexier than your everyday standard attire.

17 Best Ways to Increase Sexual Energy in Your Marriage.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Flirting can help relationships in the rocks. So work to revive your inner flirt. Well, just wink at him from across the room or smile at him for no particular reason. Touch him when you talk to him or just brush against him to show him you are ready for intimacy.

You may also want to compliment him or simply wear something you know he finds attractive. If there is a way you can reach a man’s heart, it is by asking him for help with a manly task, no matter how perfectly capable you can do it yourself. Whatever you do, work to bring intimacy in your marriage.

This is a simple act but which couples should learn so as to save relationships. In his book The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman suggests that you can reignite sexual intimacy through words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

These are the different love languages that we should speak to our spouses. If you don’t speak the right love language to your spouse, the result could be resentment, isolation, frustration, decreased affection, and lack of understanding. So if you want to reignite your sex life, make sure you are speaking the right language of love to your spouse.

When you find both of you in the company of family and friends, stand close to him and touch him. Also, hiss him and speak positively about him.

You are likely to find yourself in the company of other women who make sex-negative comments about marriage; make sex-positive comments about your husband, your marriage, and marriage in general.

Related Article: 21 Practical Ways To Regain Intimacy In Your Marriage

If there is anything that causes sexual arousal in you other than your spouse, it is pornography. You might be into images, videos, books, magazines, television or other things that cause sexual arousal.

If you come to think of it, pornography is not just a man’s problem; women are into it too. As it were, pornography has many damaging and negative effects.

In a 2006 study in the Journal of Sexual Addition and Compulsivity, it was discovered that pornography has many negative effects on sex in marriage relationships. It leads to unrealistic and unhealthy viewpoints on sex by objectifying women and men.

Pornography is addictive and makes you unable to be aroused by your own partner. Also, it may lead to you taking serious actions such as infidelity, rape, and murder.

Most women find themselves running for cover when the men in relationships are the ones with the higher sex drive and are always the one initiating.

Does it always to be the man asking for sex. Well, if you are a woman looking to improve intimacy in your marriage, you must learn to be initiating sexual encounters. You man might be dealing with unemployment or stress at work and may have lost the carriage to ask for the cookie.


photo by Inna Lesyk on pexels

Having or giving a massage is a great way of energizing your sexual energy. First, it is a way of intimately interacting with your partner. So get turned on with all the rubbing, squeezing, and pressurizing and grow the levels of intimacy between the two of you.

Massage is also a great stress reliever. For couples looking to get rid of all the tension in their body and relationships, massage it the way to go. So grow your marriage by whipping out the oils, candles, and some soft music to get your special one in the mood.

Related Article: 21 Amazing Ways To Turn On Your Husband Sexually

To put yourself and your partner in the sexual mood, light up scented candles for a romantic encounter.

To improve your intimacy, try different candle scents. Who knows there might be one of them that can get you or your partner particularly hot and ready to go to bed with you?

As it were, relationships need to be spiced up, by all means. If candles do not work for you, try investing in some perfume or cologne – the kind that’s full of pheromones – to spice up your marriage.

Why not reinvigorate the sexual energy in your marriage in a natural way. There are several sexual energies that are known to increase you and your partner’s sex drive. For instance, the Gingko Biloba is known to increase the flow of blood to the brains and the sexual organs.

Another herbal remedy you might try is Ashwagandha for more energy and a reduction in the negative effects of stress. Surely, relationships that work are almost always stress-free.

If you are a cigarette smoker, you must know something about smelly clothes, bad breath, and dry mouth. For people in long-term relationships, this can be a complete turnoff. On a more serious note, smoking causes lung cancer which can shorten your life.

As far as your sexual energy is concerned, smoking is known to slow down the flow of blood to sex organs thus cutting energy levels. Cigarettes, therefore, can be a great hindrance to intimacy in marriage.

Well, if you are looking to re-energize your sexual energy, have sex. Ensure you and your partner have satisfying, intimate, and passionate sex on a regular basis. So, just do it!


Having intimacy is not just about sex. It’s more about having a close, familiar, and affectionate partner. Intimacy is deeply understanding your spouse like no one else and having them deeply know you.

Although it takes time, dedication, sacrifice, tolerance, commitment, and forgiveness, it can take you a long way in reigniting sexual energy in marriage relationships.

Working on your marriage is not easy, but it’s worth the effort. So go ahead and work to recreate sexual energy in your marriage.

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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