21 Reasons Why Men Pull Away And Lose Interest

By David Small •  Updated: 03/15/16 •  15 min read

Why do men pull away? Is the question of the century. According to Renee Wade, the Founder of Feminine Women media house it is caused by several good reasons. It’s extremely confusing for ladies to understand and comprehend.

Just when you think everything is going on smoothly and all rosy, he suddenly pulls away and you are left trying frantically to understand what may have caused it.

21 Reasons Why Men Pull Away And Lose Interest

This issue has become a common phenomenon in ladies that you find a ton of writings trying to explain why men pull away even from a stable relationship. A little teaser from Michael Finlayson, an author of the relationship best-selling book, ‘Why Men Pull Away’: If the current love-interest is the right one for you, then you must learn to understand him. From what motivates him to what scares him.

You should be able to stabilize a relationship once you start understanding him. If the guy doesn’t feel threatened, the possibilities of him Pulling Away are the least, providing the two of you with ample time to develop the relationship.

Never the less, if your man is pulling away, in this content, you will learn exactly the top reasons why this happens and how best to handle the situation.

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  1. Moving in too fast:

This is one great mistake most ladies make. You are just beginning to know each other and then trying to find a smooth part of your relationship and you are already talking to him about marriage, family and the rest. This is obviously going to make him pull away gradually.

If you have been dating for a short period of time which is usually within a year, then talking marriage and kids just might scare him off.

If you are trying to move him along too quickly he may pull away from you to try and protect himself. According to Brian Zilinek “Moving too fast in a relationship is like putting delicate clothes in a hot dryer. Things will heat up fast but the permanent damage will be done and it will be hard or possibly impossible to fix”. Ease up on the marriage, kids, and the heat ups and let him feel comfortable around you.

  1. Insecurity:

Most men feel like they are meant for something better. They always want to achieve their goals. If he is yet to achieve his goals and see you as too good for him, he may be feeling inadequate and just not good enough for you. This occurs especially when your income is higher than his, you have a better job and a better car, it just may be his own insecurities that are causing him to pull away in another hand when a woman acts insecure it also turns a man off.

This ranges from seeking approval to fear of abandonment. These are the things that subconsciously tell a man that a woman is not secure enough to know that he loves her and needs constant validation. If these occur, you are simply causing the man to pull away. To handle these issues, you have to keep yourself in check, so as not to make him feel you are showing off rather let him always take the lead irrespective of what you have.

  1. Cheating:

This is one of the killers, men generally don’t like it when their women cheat. No matter how much love he has for you, in most cases he will pull away once he finds out you cheated on him. The simple reason is that cheating is a slap on men’s ego. A man wants to be with a woman who confirms and boosts his ego. He certainly does not want to be with a woman who makes him humiliated.

A man knowing about his spouse affair makes him humiliated especially in the eyes of other men he knows. If you have been cheating on your man beware! It is advised that you stop the act, become faithful to him and if possible go for some counseling session to help you out else there is very little you can do to save your relationship if he finds you cheating.


  1. Been Unappreciative:

Most times, those little things like ‘I’m Sorry’ ‘please’, ‘thanks you’ is just what he wants to hear from you and you hardly say those words to him, rather you take everything he does for you for granted. It is believed that when a man feels he cannot make a woman happy he’ll stop trying.

When he doesn’t hear words of encouragement and the words of appreciation he will not try harder and these eventually makes him gradually finds someone who appreciates his efforts and when he does, I bet you, he will surely pull away. It is best to Reward good behavior and show appreciation when needed.

  1. Don’t be too clingy

Simply put, don’t be too needy and overprotective, men don’t like it when their spouse becomes too clingy. If you are suffocating your man with you neediness and been too overwhelming he will surely pull away.  Healthy space is good for a relationship so give your relationship some.

You may seem to have more free time on your hands than he does that’s not a guarantee for you to constantly bug him all day long. Give him some space, let him have time out with friends and colleagues because you can’t take that away from him. Doing so will make men pull away.

  1. Nagging is the main reason why Men Pull Away

This is common among ladies, most women nag a lot about every little thing and this drives men crazy. You’ve said it once, yet you keep repeating it making him uncomfortable with the discussion or staying with you at the moment.  At some point, it starts to sound like background noise. Yes, the more you nag, the more he ignores and finally it because of a reason for him to pull away slowly because he can’t bear it anymore. Yes, nagging is one of the main reason why men pull away and relationships and marriages are broken.

Instead of nagging, find a solution. It is believed that nagging simply means you have identified a problem, then look for a way to solve it without any issues. There are many ways to solve each and every problem as long as it has been identified. Restructure your way of thinking from ‘I want him to do this and that’ to ‘what can I do to have a such and such result?’

  1. Negative disposition:

Being negatively minded simply means you are having the wrong beliefs about a thing. When a man begins to know that your view about lots of things are not always positive, my dear you a starting to send the wrong signals and this is another great reason why men pull away.

A quote from Elaine Model post, “No man wants to be around a woman who is negative. We are attracted to people who draw us in with positive energy. If you have tendencies to dump your load onto someone the best advice is to hire a shrink and keep your negativity out of your personal and dating life. Or you can sign up for boxing and get your negative energy out that way – very effective”.


  1. Lack of relationship skills 

You might want to ask if this is true, yes it is 100% true. Most men lack the skills needed to keep their relationship intact and this might just be the reason why he is pulling away. Research has shown that having a healthy relationship is an acquired skill. Most importantly, you learn as you grow in your relationship, from past experiences and mistakes.

So if he has never been in a serious relationship nor understands the effort and attention to detail a successful relationship, then he might not just be comfortable with the whole thing. If you find your man in this situation, the best thing to do is to take things easy with him, be his best friend and correct him with love and care rather than shouting and comparing.

  1. Beauty and sexual attraction are fading:

Most times ladies become too comfortable with the fact that they have gotten their dream man and so neglect to take care of themselves, looking beautiful and sexy as before.

And this most times is the initial attracting point from the man, so when you begin to lose those qualities, then you also begin to lose him and eventually he will pull away and look for those beauties and sexual attraction from elsewhere.

In your relationship, you must understand what he wants and what turns him on. Keep your hot looks and ensure you always stay sexy and gorgeous because men generally love those attributes from their spouse.

  1. Bonding too soon:

Men generally like it when the relationship starts at a slow pace. If things happen too quickly and you already find yourselves bonding too fast, being sexually involved chances are that it won’t last.

This is because men love adventure and they also love it when it seems hard to get. Don’t be too cheap and don’t be overly nasty playing hard to get just keep calm and grow your love life together.

  1. Dishonesty:

Another irritating fact that men hate is dishonesty. You may be afraid of letting him know the truth about an issue because you fear that he may pull away when he finds out and so you keep hiding those things from him, you are been dishonest and might as well fear that he will leave you when he finds out you were dishonest with him.

You should always tell your partner the truth no matter how painful. Lies and deception destroy every type of relationship from friendships through to marriage. Telling your partner the truth isn’t always the easy option but it is the safest.

pull away

  1. Trying to make him jealous:

When you always try to make your man jealous then you are certainly creating uncertainty in your relationship. A man doesn’t think of you as more desirable because you are constantly flirting with other men.

A man thinks you are desirable because he chose you, not because you’ve chosen to flirt with other men. So making him feel jealous is sending the wrong signal and he will pull away. Be faithful to your man and keep your relationship on the bright side.

  1. There’s a third party:

When we talk about the third party, it simply means he is having an affair with someone else. This is possibly why men pull away. There are several ways to find out which includes not returning your calls, messages and always looking for excuses and reasons to stay away from you. 

If this happens, there is no need to panic as there is a lot to do to save your relationship. First, find out who is involved and know exactly why he is involved, then try to see how to tackle it with understanding. NB: fighting and quarreling will only push him further away so handle it with understand and love.

  1. You stopped taking care of herself:

A simple way of driving your man away is to stop looking as gorgeous as you used to when you first met. You used to be the homecoming queen when you both fell in love.

Ten years later plus 2 or 3 kids you became fifty pounds overweight wearing an old robe and slippers around the house. Your hair hasn’t seen a touch of a comb since yesterday and your brows have not been shaped in two years. I tell you he will surely pull away one day. Keep yourself fit and always look good.

  1. He’s doubting the Relationship:

In a relationship, doubts are normal, especially as the relationship deepens. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s about you or something you did wrong.

Maybe he’s not ready for something so serious, or maybe he’s a little unsure if you’re really the woman he sees himself spending the rest of his life with. During this period, some guys would want to pull away. All you need to do is to give him some space while being the best you can both in support and in love.


  1. Work Pressure:

It is important to note that as much as work is demanding, so also is a relationship. When he is faced with pressure from work, it is either you are helping him go through it, or you are giving him the reason to be alone and neglects you.

If you add your own pressure alongside his work pressure, he sees you as another burden and may decide to pull away in other to concentrate on his work. Men feel a need to provide, which is a noble quality. As a lady, yours is to give him the support he needs to do this with ease. Lack of support at home is a reason why men pull away and run into the arms of someone else.

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  1. Doing as you are told:

The fastest way to become boring to a man is to always “do as you are told” according to Sherry Argov, in relationship principle; “Every guy knows he can find a lady who is simply satisfied with satisfying him. They are much more turned on by a woman who cares about her own pleasures as well”.

A guy will love you more when you are part of his motivation and not when you are always trying to please him because always trying to please him will make him feel you can’t have your own willpower and this will eventually pull him away. 

  1. You became boring:

Another reason why men pull away and look for someone who makes them feel happy. You are no longer that fun loving person he fell in love with rather you became too bored and always keeping to yourself. When this happens, chances are he’s getting tired of you.

It could be that you are too comfortable or there’s thing going on in your life, either way, a healthy relationship should be active.  Pick up some interesting activities or find a hobby that really intrigues and see how your relationship will flourish

  1. When you don’t let him lead:

Men are generally made to lead and so when you don’t give them the chance to do this, you are indirectly pushing him away.

If you are too dominant in the relationship, you don’t allow him the space he needs to assert his masculinity and be the man. Then he will certainly pull away. Give him chance to initiate thing. You don’t have to be in control of every decision, even if you think your choice of the restaurant is better. Be flexible so you don’t pull him away.


  1. He is feeling inadequate:

Men want to be financially capable of handling and running their homes, family, and others. And doing all this sometimes may be daunting and they begin to see themselves as incapable. Once this begins to happen, they start pulling away

But this can be handled if you as the lady can be sensitive enough to know when the man is in a drought period and you decide to support him wisely by not making him feel you are in control.

  1. It is not just right so it doesn’t work:

Great, permit me to say this, it is not all relationship that is meant to have a happy ending. NB: if you are married couples, then you have to ensure your relationship is the best and make it work. But if this is just your dating/ courtship period, I will advise you be as sensitive as you can while you are in it. 

May he’s getting to know you more and more, but for some reason, he sees you as less a part of his future and he pulls away. Whatever it is, take it as a sign that you two were not meant to be together, you don’t need to sell yourself to anyone.  Be who you are and be confident in that.  The right guy will love you for who you are. I hope that this article 21 Reasons Why Men Pull Away And Lose Interest has answered your question. Why men pull away?

Always remember, the best you can be is who you are. Cheers

Images courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net


David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

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