So many times, in your marriage or relationship, you get confused about how to love your husband and show him that you care.

Marriage is a long-term commitment that is expected to last a lifetime. And so many times, as the years go by, we run out of ideas or forget how to show our love.

Believing you can love your husband unconditionally is almost impossible. This is because love is a choice that is prompted by how you feel, and how you feel is, in turn, a result of how people treat you.

Photo by Joel Overbeck on Unsplash

However, love is not a one-way street. How you treat your partner is also important.

Love is learned, re-learned, unlearned, and unpredictable. Love is perhaps the most important ingredient for a working romantic relationship.

It can be expressed in the most unconventional ways and for married couples, it’s sometimes easy to lose the spunk and fizzle out emotionally.

If you’re a newly married wife or you’ve just renewed your vows, in this article, we have highlighted some tips on how to love your husband better.

Communication

Communication is the x-factor of any relationship. Whether a friendship, parenting, romantic relationships, work relationship, or academic relationships, communication is not just inevitable, it is also important.

At its core, communication is about forming a connection with your partner using all the communicative skills at your disposal. This means that you have to appeal to all the natural senses for a wholesome communicative experience.

This is more than small talk. Communication applies in conflict resolution, affirmations, expressing respect, expressing love, and even discomfort.

Effective communication builds and sustains a healthy relationship. Sharing important information with your partner about how you feel and what is going on in your life is a sign of commitment.

It is, indeed, rare to find marriages that thrive off communication to encounter unnecessary issues in the course of their marriage. You may, therefore, want to learn a few tips on how to talk to your partner.

“I don’t want to be married just to be married. I can’t think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can’t talk to, or worse, someone I can’t be silent with” Jon Krakauer.

Related Article: How to be Romantic with Your Husband-17 Ways

Here are some tips on communication:

1. Communication is very important in marriage. It is undeniably the best way you can express yourself to your partner. You can communicate in many ways, but it is important that you keep your conversations respectful and mindful. Always respectfully communicate with your husband.
2. Continuously reaffirm how important your husband is to you. He should not feel like he is just some excuse for procreation or that he is just there just to bring money to the table. Always make a note to tell him how much you value him and appreciate his presence in your life.
3. Communication during conflict can be tricky too. Even on days when you disagree with your husband, try to understand his point of view first. Sometimes it pays to be the bigger person.
4. Respect each other’s feelings in arguments or confrontations. Respect is reflected in the way you act and the things you say. Be careful not to say too much to the extent of hurting your partner.
5. Discuss every little detail with him. It strengthens your communication and builds trust between you two. You spend your days together already. When you can’t update him in person about how your day will be, do so via email or text.
6. To love and to like are two different things. Express both to your husband. Let him know how you feel. Let it show that you like him and let him know that you love him.
7. Admit it when you’re at fault. There’s nothing attractive about pride. It destroys relationships when partners are too proud to make amends. It doesn’t hurt to be the first to reach out.
8. Involve him in major changes beforehand. Don’t be hesitant to discuss them with him, and more importantly, give him time to adjust to these changes.
9. Talk to your husband about the marital and family goals you would like for the both of you to achieve together.
10. Take time out regularly to talk and iron out outstanding disagreements.
11. Allow him to express himself without hesitation or fear of backlash. He needs to feel safe with you.
12. Choose your words carefully and speak in LOVE.
13. The silent treatment is a no-no. Always express yourself civilly when you’re angry about something.
14.  When he seems clueless to what you’re feeling, tell it to him. He can’t read your mind even though you expect him to.
15. Plan for financial expenditures so you don’t have to fight or argue over money.
16. Saying “I told you so” is unkind and shouldn’t be something you make a habit of saying.
17. Be concise. Express yourself clearly and correctly so you are not misunderstood.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Intentionality

It is important to be intentional in the way you show your love to your husband. When you’re insincere or doing things simply because they must be done and not because you want to do them, it shows.

Furthermore, make your husband feel special. This includes surprising him with gifts from time to time, buying him that wristwatch he mentioned in passing, sending a bag of gifts to his workplace, writing him love letters and so much more.

While you might think love letters might be old school or outdated in this time and era, there’s something special about them that would have anyone feeling special.

Hug your husband for the sake of it. You don’t have to wait for a special reason or occasion to hug or kiss him. You should also take note of the things he likes and do them.

Make his favorite dish. Take him out to watch his favorite movie. You both can also go to his favorite hangout spot. When you do something special for your husband, it shows him how much you adore him.

“To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.” Criss Jami.

Here are some more tips on loving Intentionality:

1.  Express love creatively. Express it with the way you say the things you say and the way you do the things you do.
2.  People feel better when they know they are wanted and needed. Always find new ways to express to your husband that you need him.
3.  Don’t be boring. Initiate fun and romantic activities on a regular basis.
4.  Compliment him often.
5.  Appreciate him for all the work he does to support the family financially and otherwise.
6.  Don’t hesitate to tell him how proud you are of his accomplishments and personality.
7.  When he does something out of the ordinary, appreciate him especially for it.
8.  When he expresses his love language to you, be sure to comprehend it and express it accordingly.
9.  Pray for him regularly.
10. Frequently and eagerly tell him that you love him.
11. Put beautiful notes in his pockets, car, and bags.
12. Be kind to his family members. Express the same kind of love to them that you do to him and treat them the way he treats them.
13. When he wants to, let him spend time with his family alone. If he doesn’t want to, encourage him to.
14. Ensure that there’s no animosity between him and your friends.
15. When he’s sick, cater to him as you would a child. It’s a sweet thing to do.
16. Always try to look well dressed, especially if he’s fashion inclined.
17. Teach him your love languages. Show him how you want him to love you.
18. Give him passes to do things that he would ordinarily not be able to do.
19. Maintain cordiality with his friends to a reasonable extent.
20. When he finds a new hobby, let him indulge.
21. Always ask him if he still needs his stuff before you throw it out.
22. Appreciate him for the handy work he does around the house. Men like to know that they’ve done well.
23. Sometimes he may forget to thank you, so when you do things, do it without expecting constant appreciation.
24. Don’t start quarrels intentionally.
25. Be kind to him; with your words and actions.
26. Don’t pass blame unnecessarily. When things go awry, assess the situation and focus on being better.
27. If there’s an annoying habit you have that he doesn’t like, work on getting rid of it.
28. Be sure to get his full attention and agreement for every single detail of important information when you’re planning something major.
29. It’s in the little things – Get the door (surprise him!), Add little treats to his bag, get him coffee, etc.
30. You can help him lovingly unlearn certain habits you don’t appreciate.
31. Pray with him and for him.
32. Try to stay fit by exercising regularly so you’re in good shape and he is proud to be by your side.
33. Sometimes, watch TV with him and try to enjoy it even if you’re not interested.

Related Article: How to Seduce Your Husband-A Helpful Guide.

Patience and Perseverance

When you say you love your husband unconditionally, it simply means showing him you care regardless of what you’re going through or what he is going through.

It is important to go out of your way to make him feel special during tough times. Prepare a special meal for him, tell him sweet words to reassure him of your love for him during these tough times.

Unconditional love is something everyone craves, including your husband.  During tough times, you have the perfect opportunity to show your husband your love is unconditional.

Love your husband even when you don’t. Let’s face it; sometimes we just don’t love our partners anymore. But it is our duty to find a way to reignite the fire we once had burning in us.

You may not feel like hugging him or making him breakfast, but you have to do the things you usually do. It’s up to you to stay committed to loving your husband.

So, even when you’re angry at him for not taking out the trash or forgetting to call the plumber to fix the sink, you have to still do the things that are required of you. You need to love your husband even when you don’t.

“Real love has no Plan B” Anonymous.

Here are some more tips on Patience and Perseverance:

1. He would most probably have some annoying or silly habits. Remember to let it go. Seriously, don’t sweat it. These habits almost never go away.
2. Be his peace.
3. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Learn to forgive. Express your displeasure and move on.
4. Be patient with him.
5. Even if there’s something you’re displeased about, don’t table it as soon as he walks through the door. Make the first few minutes after his arrival peaceful.
6. Express yourself lovingly. No need for dirty language. Don’t be belittling with your choice of words.
7. When you’re out and about, say on a fun night out with friends, that’s not the time to bring up past or recurrent issues between you two.

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Effort and Gifting

Make your husband feel special. Surprise him with gifts from time to time. Purchase that wristwatch he has eyes on. Also, take note of the things he likes and do them.

When you go out of your way to do something special for your husband, it tells him you love him.

Organize a getaway or a vacation for both of you. Pick a weekend to drop the kids with your mom or his mom and go on a trip with your husband.

Those places you both wanted to visit when you were much younger, take that trip. Spend quality time with your husband doing all the things that make you both happy.

What’s more; your hobbies that you’ve not had time for, do them together. This increases the bond between you both as a couple and makes your love stronger and your relationship happier.

“Love is what is left in a relationship after all the selfishness is taken out.” Nick Richardson.

Here are some tips on putting in Effort and Gifting:

1. Buy him little gifts or write him little notes of reaffirmation. It’ll put a smile on his face.
2. Plan for and take him out on dates from time to time. Pay for every aspect of the date from your own money.
3. Surprise him with something he’s been talking about wanting for some time.
4. If it’s important to him, let it be important to you too.
5. Don’t dissuade him from indulging in his hobbies. Try to show interest in his hobbies.
6. From time to time, surprise him with purposeful gifts.
7. Get him customized things – Jewelry, Clothes, etc.

Boundaries

It is important to set boundaries in marriage and in fact, any other relationship. It helps to maintain a fair amount of balance. Also, it is the responsibility of the couple to ensure that they set certain standards that guide their relationship.

These boundaries extend to friends, family, and even neighbors. They ensure that if one partner is about to absent-mindedly act out of place, they have no excuse to do so.

Some things are unacceptable in relationships, especially if you want to make things work. As a wife, here are some things you can do to maintain boundaries in your marriage.

“There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book, or simply close it.” Shannon L. Alder

Here are some tips on Boundaries:

1. It is important to define boundaries as regards the way your family treats him. You shouldn’t allow members of your family to disrespect or slander him.
2. Comparing him with other men is absolutely unacceptable. It is damaging and unfair.
3. His relatives should not be compared to yours in a negative way.

Related Article: 6 Proven Ways to Fix Intimacy Problems in Marriage.

Time

Making time for your loved one is a necessary recipe for a stable relationship. Time is one of the major love languages that exist, and it is an essential part of marriage.

There are things in marriage one must make time for and things one must make sure they don’t pay attention to. However, when it comes to the individuals involved, a wife should always make time for her partner and vice versa.

If you really love your partner, this should not be an issue.

“Happiness (is) only real when shared” Mary-Ann Shaffer.

Here are some tips on Time:

1. Don’t get too busy for him. Make time for your husband.
2. Everyone needs some ‘me-time.’ Give him his. Time alone helps people connect better with themselves and with others.
3. Spend time with him. Be comfortable with him, even in silence.
4. Allow him to spend time with his friends. Don’t keep him to yourself and rob him of his time.
5. Give him time to get over bad moods. Don’t hound him for attention. It may worsen his mood.
6. When he has. A day off from work, let him have it. That’s not the day to bombard him with work that needs to be done at home.

Photo by Cody Black on Unsplash

Bonding

Bonding with your husband is very important, especially for new couples. You want to have a rhythm with your husband with regard to the way you talk, act, treat each other and take care of each other. Moreover, bonding strengthens the relationship between husband and wife. Love your husband in bed.

Sometimes, after marriage, we tend to get caught up in life and we no longer do special things during sex, we settle for regular missionary or vanilla sex all the time. Take out time to do something special for your man in bed. Play dress up. Put on a sexy costume, a nice corset, a fishnet stocking or something sexy. Put on slow music. Use scented candles and roses, all the things you did on your honeymoon, dance for him and show him you love him in bed.

Love your husband physically. Men are creatures of the eyes. They like to see beautiful things around them. Make an effort to look attractive for your husband. If he likes it when you dress in short dresses, go shopping and buy new dresses that will have his attention, make your hair, get your nails done. Seduce him with your looks all over again, remind him of the woman he met and decided to spend the rest of his life with.

“It’s not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages” Fredrick Nietzche.

Here are some more tips on Bonding:

1. Laugh together. Laugh at his jokes. Make your home full of laughter.
2. If you’re a wife thinking, “How can I love my husband in bed,” a great way to do this is to be a freak in bed sometimes. Do things you would usually not do. Put up a performance or maybe even fulfill one of his fantasies.
3. If and when you have kids, create time for him that is separate from family time with the kids
4. Eye contact is an amazing way to bond. This includes eye contact during conversations and love-making.
5. Start your day together. It helps to stay bonded and closer.
6. Plan vacations or getaways without the kids. Spend time bonding and discovering yourselves in the bedroom. Know and learn what he likes.
7. Pass a lovely or sexy note to him from across the room when you’re out.
8. If you’re into public displays of affection, hold him or get physically close to him in public spaces and at home.
9. Adopt a standard for your communication and resolution processes. For example, you may have an agreement that none of you sleep over an argument.
10. Don’t wait for him to initiate sex first. You can also do that from time to time and try to respond more often than you do.

Respect and Trust

Show him you trust him by giving him his privacy. Even though you know your husband’s password, don’t go snooping in his phone, don’t read his messages or searching for what is not missing. Let him know that you trust him to do the right thing by you.

Also, don’t jump to conclusions, be patient with him and talk about any concerns you may have. Respecting his privacy is one way to show your husband that you truly really love him.

“Time is the currency of relationships. If you want to invest in your relationships, start by investing your time.” Dave Willis.

Related Article: 14 Marriage Advice Tips to Keep Your Love Strong.

Here are some tips on Respect:

1. Show him respect when you’re in front of your children. If there’s an argument to be had, have it in private.
2.  When controversial issues or situations come up, defend his dignity
3.  Respect the hierarchy in certain roles seamlessly. If it’s something he should be doing, then it’s not your place to do it.
4. Don’t manipulate him into doing what he is incapable of doing naturally.
5. When he talks, don’t make him feel small or stupid. Don’t be unnecessarily sarcastic or cynical in your responses too.
6. Keep his dignity, and don’t criticize him in the presence of other people.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Support

Showing support for your spouse is a proven way to build your marriage to a point where there are assurance and stability in the foundation of your marriage. The more you show support, the stronger your relationship becomes.

Investing your support in marriage includes showing support to your spouse even when you don’t think you can. As a wife in a committed marriage, it should come naturally.

“Ye are blood of my blood, and bone of my bone, I give ye my body, that we two might be one. I give ye my spirit, ‘til our life shall be done.” Diana Gabaldon

Here are some tips on Support:

1. Protect him from anyone who wants to disrespect him. Speak up for him.
2. Focus on the positives. Observe and celebrate what he is doing right. Don’t dwell on the negatives.
3. Support and encourage his tested and trusted friendships. Friends can either make or mar your marital relationship. Be wise to apply caution when it comes to vetting his friends.
4. When he expresses a new goal he hopes to achieve, respect his desire and ambition.
5. Make your expectations of him reasonable and achievable
6. Be proud of him and show it. Let people know how amazing he is.
7. Help or assist him when he needs you. Don’t let him feel ashamed about asking you for help.
8. Be his cheerleader. Support him even when his idea seems far-fetched.
9. Celebrate every success. Every single one.
10. Support his educational and professional goals.
11. When you have reason to question or doubt him, first give him the benefit of the doubt.
12. When he makes decisions that turn out well and yield good results, remember to praise them. Also, when results don’t turn out as expected, don’t dwell on them.

Some extras, just for you…

Reconnect with your husband by finding the spark in you. You need to bring out that confident woman you once were. When you feel you might be starting to love your husband less, it might mean there is a need for you to look inward at yourself.

What has changed about you? What has changed about him? How can you fix it? You may just need to learn how to love yourself again. When you love yourself, it makes you feel confident, makes you ready to give and receive love. Look at your relationship introspectively

There are so many ways to show your husband you love him, call him sweet names, shake things up in the bedroom, date night should be constant, do spontaneous things, spend quality time with him, put him first, love is not selfish, you can’t make everything only about you.

Show him off to his friends and his family. Do all these things, and you can be sure you will fall in love with your husband all over again.

Photo by cristian castillo on Unsplash

Summary

Learning how to love your husband is a process. Like we pointed out earlier, it is impossible to love your husband unconditionally but there are things you can do and activities you can involve yourself in that will help you love your husband even better than before.

If there’s been some dullness in your marriage and you seem to be struggling to stay in love and reconnect with your husband, these tips can also help you love your husband again or fall back in love with your husband.

If you’re here because you’re thinking “I love my husband, but I actually just want to learn to be more loving to my husband”, then these tips also work.

Related Article: 15 Ways to Increase Physical Intimacy in the Bedroom.

Books on How To Love Your Husband.

100 Ways To Love Your Husband: the life-long journey of learning to love each other

How to Really Love Your Man

Intentional Love: 31 Ways to Love Your Husband with Purpose (Intentional Love Challenge)

How to Really Love Your Husband

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their difference.” Dave Meurer

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.