Sex, great sex at a frequency that satisfies both partners is important for a successful relationship, and it is the key to relational happiness. Do you know that you can experience and have the best sex life ever? It’s not rocket science, which means anyone can be good at it, and we can all keep improving our skills. In fact, this is part of a married person’s job because good sex is part of the foundation of a good marriage.
No one would ever say that Sex is simple, but there are plenty of ways to keep things fresh and fun with someone old or someone brand-new. If you’re in a long-term relationship and feel things are getting a bit stagnant — or even if you aren’t, but would just like to mix it up, there is hope for you!
This exclusive piece explores 12 simple tips to make your sex more interesting. And the best part? None of these will take much work at all. What could be more fun than experimenting in the bedroom or taking a trip out of town together?
Non -Sensual Touch
If you’ve noticed a decline in sexual satisfaction, practice being present with your partner using hugs, handholding, foot rubs, deep eye-contact, massages, and other affectionate touches throughout the day. Get playful, wrestle, play grab-ass, and be spontaneous with your touch. Try touching each other with no sexual agenda and see how this makes you feel. It is good to see how comfortable you are with closeness and touch when sex is not involved.
Sensual touch can be a great alternative to active sex and barely touching at all can set the nerves tingling. You can use fingertips, lips as well as feathers to gently caress each other in an intimate but non-sexual way.
When trying out various touching exercises, do not involve private areas, or if you do, do not touch them in a way aimed at arousal. This is an opportunity to explore the areas of your partner’s body that are usually neglected.
You may discover that you love to kiss their neck or rest your head on their chest. Notice how you feel giving and receiving this attention. This can increase your intimacy and closeness with your partner and overall improve your sex life.
Communicate What You Like and What You Don’t Like
The most important part of having good sex is communication. If your partner goes down on you and clearly has no idea what they’re doing, it’s your job to give direction. You absolutely have to share what feels good and what doesn’t if you want to make sex more interesting. As our sexual health columnist Emma Kaywin likes to say, “communication is the best lubrication.”
Many couples find it difficult to talk about sex even under the best of circumstances. When sexual problems occur, feelings of hurt, shame, guilt, and resentment can halt conversation altogether. Because good communication is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship, establishing a dialogue is the first step not only to a better sex life but also to make sex more interesting and build a closer emotional bond.
There are two types of sexual conversations: the ones you have in the bedroom and the ones you have elsewhere. It’s perfectly appropriate to tell your partner what feels good in the middle of lovemaking, but it’s best to wait until you’re in a more neutral setting to discuss larger issues, such as mismatched sexual desire or orgasm troubles.
Use Sex Toys
If you and your partner both feel comfortable, using sex toys can be an arousing thing to do together. Some people use vibrators (and more) as an enjoyable part of their sex life. If you’ve never thought about using sex toys before, how do you feel about trying them? But a lot of them make for some experimental fun. It’s OK to bring in a little outside help in the form of toys — they really do add to the sexual experience.
Often, the vaginal dryness that begins in perimenopause can be easily corrected with lubricating liquids and gels. Use these freely to avoid painful sex and make sex more interesting—a problem that can snowball into flagging libido and growing relationship tensions. When lubricants no longer work, discuss other options with your doctor.
The grocery store has a wealth of potential sex toys and accessories. You can use your imagination and create a sexual wonderland in each aisle. What’s the benefit? Guess who’s going to beat a path to his car the next time you need milk and coffee for tomorrow AND come back all ready to go? It’s a win-win all around.
The couple that plays together stays together. A larger complaint among those who are bored having sex in their relationships is that they don’t have that much fun anymore.
Make a play date or simply find a way to do something fun together. This could be a trip to the park, a date at the miniature golf course, or a drive on over to the bowling alley.
There are quite a few ways to keep things spicy in the bedroom and one of those is the element of fun, it works like magic! You don’t have to get too crazy. Simply choose to play and have fun instead of nagging and quarreling.
Too many people think flirting is what you do to lure the object of your affection into your clutches — but it’s more than that. Flirting is playful and fun, so throwing your partner a wink is a friendly reminder that you’re still hot for them, even when you’re not in the bedroom.
Maintain A Healthy Lifestyle
You seriously have to avoid smoking if you want to really improve your sex life and make sex more interesting for you. It contributes to peripheral vascular disease, which affects blood flow to the penis, clitoris, and vaginal tissues. In addition, women who smoke tend to go through menopause two years earlier than their nonsmoking counterparts. If you need help quitting, try nicotine gum or patches or ask your doctor about the drugs bupropion (Zyban) or varenicline (Chantix).
Use alcohol in moderation. Some men with erectile dysfunction find that having one drink can help them relax, but heavy use of alcohol can make matters worse. Alcohol can inhibit sexual reflexes by dulling the central nervous system. Drinking large amounts over a long period can damage the liver, leading to an increase in estrogen production in men. In women, alcohol can trigger hot flashes and disrupt sleep, compounding problems already present in menopause.
Also, too much fatty food leads to high blood cholesterol and obesity—both major risk factors for cardiovascular disease. In addition, being overweight can lead to a lack of sex in your relationship because you might not be attractive to your partner anymore. Increased libido is often an added benefit of losing those extra pounds.
Lap Dance Works Like Magic
Now, this is just fun! Who doesn’t like to dance and feel sexy? Just don’t try it in shoes that you can’t even walk in. A friend of mine got a cramp in her leg while wearing some ridiculous boots. Trust me, falling over screaming in pain is just not a turn-on.
At no point during your entire performance is your partner allowed to touch you. You can touch, lick, rub and caress him all you want but play it cool. A slow seduction is a sure recipe for lap dancing success. The whole point of a lap dance is to drive a man crazy with anticipation, desire and make sex more interesting.
You are in charge. Take your time, take control, and take pleasure in teasing him. If he reaches out in your direction or starts to grind back, slap his wrist and let him know that if he does it again, the dance is over, no exceptions.
Your expression will reflect those sexy thoughts you have in mind and intensify the sexual tension in the air. Look at your body, touch it, enjoy it and then look at your lover drawing his eyes to yours and to your body. Maintain eye contact at all times. If your back is turned to your partner, glance over your shoulder. This tip alone has helped many couples to improve their sex lives.
Relax before sex.
Use some relaxation techniques before becoming intimate with your partner if you want to make sex more interesting. This will help take the focus off of performance. Strive to enjoy every moment of the experience. Take some deep breaths and consciously relax tight muscles. Relax with your partner. Take deep breaths together and enter into a relaxed physical and emotional space.
If relaxing during sex is difficult, possibly you have a hard time relaxing in general. I’m a big fan of the hot shower or hot bath before sex. It gives you a few moments to wash the day away (figuratively and literally, especially if you’ve had newborns and toddlers pawing at you all day).
Sometimes we can “over-think” sex. It’s hard to relax while we’re making love if we are also worrying about body image or wondering if we are “doing everything right.”
Stop over-thinking and allow yourself to live in the moment. Sexual intimacy with your spouse should be a place of uninhibited fun and connection, where you can let go of your insecurities and just live.
Talk about the things you fantasize about, the things that turn you on. Write them down if you feel sheepish and then discuss them with your partner. If something comes up in conversation, like when you’re watching television or reading a magazine, ask “What do you think of that?” Be honest and be open with your partner. Sharing fantasies can be refreshing in your sex life.
The brain is your most sensitive sexual organ. Discussing fantasies do not necessarily mean you’re going to act them out in real life, but in a trusting and open relationship, discussing fantasies of all sorts can be an open door to explore your sexual side and keep your sex life fresh, spontaneous, and fun.
Talking about your fantasies with your partner is a very conducive form of sex play. It increases communication with your partner, which is of great importance, as well; it also helps you get to know each other better for better sex and make sex more interesting. Yes, you may be surprised by what comes out of her mouth, but this works both ways.
Keep it light at first and don’t throw her in the deep end with fantasies about people you both know or reveal fetishes you aren’t sure about. Sit back with a glass of wine and keep your clothes on — for now. Fantasy play can also be incorporated into a game for better sex. Use your imagination, and keep it sexy. Take it in turns and see where it leads you.
Initiate sex with your partner.
If you’ve been passive leading up to your intimate sessions, take the lead for a change. If you feel like you’re always the one to initiate sex, talk to your partner about it and tell them that you don’t want to feel like the sex hound in the relationship. Make sure everything is out on the table and that you’re both satisfied with the way things progress.
According to Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sex and relationships expert, men are the ones to always initiate sex—and there are a ton of reasons why men usually make the first move. According to her, women are programmed to want to feel desired, and being pursued sexually ties into that, and then, of course, there’s the fact that most men are total horndogs. “Research suggests that men think about sex more often than women, so it follows that they may seek it out more frequently,
The best way to have more sex is to ask for it. But for some women, that’s easier said than done. It may be because you can’t figure out a way to get the message across, or you’re exhausted, shy or just plain out of practice, says Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of Sex Talk. No matter what the reason, you have to try as much as you can to give your man the hint and improve sex and romance in your relationship.
See A Sex Therapist
If your fears of intimacy or anxiety greatly impact your relationship, consider seeing a therapist. A therapist can help you explore ways to experience intimacy with your partner, work through anxiety, and communicate more effectively. You can see a counselor as a couple or individually, or both.
A therapist can help work through problems that may interfere with intimacy, such as past sexual abuse, emotional problems, and can help foster safe and positive attitudes toward sex. Sex Therapy is incredibly rewarding and 93% of couples who’ve used the service said that it improved their sex life. If you’ve stopped having sex, this program can help you to rediscover it.
If sexual problems are preventing you from starting a family, sex therapy can address the psychological and physical issues and help you to conceive. Whether you’re single, married or in a relationship, gay, lesbian or straight, Sex Therapy can help you to improve your sex life and to overcome any specific sexual dysfunctions.
Connect with Your Sensual Self
When it comes to having great sex, knowing what you’re comfortable with in the bedroom is just as important as technique. Feeling in charge of your sexuality is a non-negotiable requirement on the quest to mind-blowing sex, so if you’re lacking in the sexual self-confidence department, now is the time to bone up. Dance around your apartment naked, schedule some me-time with a vibrating toy, buy yourself a hot dress – whatever you do, find a fun way to increase your sexual confidence and awareness on your own so that you’re better able to rock your man’s world later on.
Women who see themselves as unattractive are more likely to report a drop in sexual desire with age, according to a study from Penn State University, US, on women aged from 35 to 55. So Dr. Boynton says: “Concentrate on what you like about your body and remember that you’re almost certainly your own worst critic.”
Learn what turns you on and what pleases you and then show your partner. “It’s so important for couples to know their bodies well — to know what turns them on and to be responsible for their own orgasms,” “What works for a woman one year may not work for her next year.”
In short, you need to take responsibility for your sex life. Men are not minded readers, so you need to show your partner what you enjoy and then ensure that he incorporates that into your sex life.
Try New Places And Positions
There is no limit to the number of ways to have sex, so you can use your imagination and come up with as many weird and wonderful inventions as you desire. Simply changing locations can dramatically change the position, so consider this too (for example on top of the washing machine, on a bench, beanbag or table).
Sex in a new locale is definitely up there in exciting things to do for better sex. You can take a drive somewhere secluded where you can get a bit risqué. Try a public place (not too public) or simply move to a different room or area in your home — or even someone else’s home. Whatever tickles your fancy. There are a million and one different places to have sex other than your home, in your bed — use them.
Only an estimated 57 percent of women are having orgasms every time they have sex — and most of the time, it’s not from vaginal penetration alone. The silver lining here is that you can control your orgasm as you get to know your body better and choose the sexy sex positions that are the right fit. Specific positions targeted to the female can make the elusive orgasm become a reality.
Whether the problem is big or small, there are many things you can do to get your sex life back on track. Your sexual well-being goes hand in hand with your overall mental, physical, and emotional health. Communicating with your partner, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, availing yourself of some of the many excellent self-help materials on the market, and just having fun can help you weather tough times.
The list of helpful hints you have been presented with equates to a very good head start to a better sex life. The time and energy required to plan your adventures will pay off immediately, but also over the longer term. You will be rewarded according to the effort you put in with a great new skill set, and of course better sex. Make time, conserve some energy for it and relax. Life is short!
Images courtesy of patrisyu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author.
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