21 Proven Ways To Spice Up Your Marriage

By David Small •  Updated: 11/21/18 •  11 min read

Are you looking for ways to spice up your marriage, now that you are married? You may have more kids to take care of, more meals to make and more parental responsibility. The truth is that if you do not put your spouse into much consideration as much as you do with your children, your marriage is going to suffer and your children will be greatly affected.

In this article we are going to discuss the 21 solid ways to bring fire back into your marriage, you will learn how to rekindle and spice up your marriage life once again, let’s move on baby.

Spice Up Your Marriage

These days most married people seem to be marrying their kids instead of your spouses, maybe on the popular myth that says “you need to give your kids more time so they can perform well in life” this is not true, you will not be neglecting your kids if you put your marriage first and spend time with your spouse, you will have more positive outcomes, your marriage will improve and your kids won’t suffer from over-parenting.

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1. Get Personal

“One Valentine’s Day, I bought an unusual jar and hand-painted it,” says Charles Orlando, author of The Problem with Women… is Men”. He actually spent 2 weeks writing “1,000 reasons why I love her” on slips of paper. “That jar sits on our mantle. She regarded it as the best gift she has ever received.”

It is a popular belief that the expensive things get appreciated the more, this is not always true, the time you put into doing something is usually what makes it valuable, so you have to get personal with your spouse, you can gift them items handcrafted by you, it will go a long way in making your spouse know how much you value him/her.

2. Maintain A Family Calendar

“Make sure your obligations are organized and in sync with each other,” says Michael Batshaw, psychotherapist and author of 51 Things You Should Know Before Getting Engaged“. A couple with new additions really needs to set aside time for the whole family, for both of them and alone time, make sure your obligations are well organized and are in sync with each other.

This can create a sense of unity as well boundaries, even if it is obvious that when you have a family, much of your time will go to your children, try to make a couple time a thing of consideration as well.

3. Make Little Gestures

“Put reminders in your personal calendar to periodically surprise your spouse with small gifts or activities to let Get personal they know you’re thinking of them,” says Paul and Debbie Lamb, authors of ” Be a Better Partner: A Handbook for Couples “.

You can put reminders on your personal calendar to regularly surprise your spouse with small activities or gifts, this will let them know you are regularly thinking of them and they matter to you. But you should also know that even if you like a gesture, your spouse may not like it, so be wise about your choice of gestures, and know what your spouse likes.


4. Do Unexpected Things

“Get out of the sweats and wear something sexy,” says Dana Hilmer, author of  Blindsided by a Diaper and founder of LifestyleMom. Surprise each other every once in a while, you can show up at your spouse workplace and have lunch together, you should also try new and sexy looks, I mean you have to get out of the old routine at one point in time, they could become boring.

5. Take A Snow Day

Or a sunny day. Or a rainy day. “Play butler, maid or servant to your partner,” suggests Reece. Whatever day you may call it, sunny day or even a rainy day, you should do something you don’t usually do for your spouse, you can handle some of the tasks in their to-do list.

If there is a chore that normally should be theirs, do it for them, plan a break for your spouse, the feeling from someone helping you to do what you are supposed to do could be the best at a point in time.

6. Adjust Your Mindset, Make Sex A Priority In Your Marriage

My female clients often view sex as, Yet another thing I have to do for someone else”, says Elizabeth Lombardo, psychologist and author of “A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness“. Most female folks believe sex is yet another thing you must do for someone else, you have to change your mind as regards sex, see as something good for both of you.

Don’t forget it is a great way to reduce stress, feel closer to each other and possibly get a good night sleep as well. The effort you put into your sex life in your marriage will pay you much more by way of saving your marriage and always keeping the fire burning.


7. Create Intimate Moments

“Intimacy is the art of making your partner feel understood and accepted,” says Tina Tessina, psychotherapist and author of ” Money, Sex, and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. Intimacy refers to the art of making your partner feel more accepted and understood when the feeling of intimacy is created, barriers are broken.

A simple and quick hug, a gentle touch and an eye contact can create that intimate loving atmosphere instantly, most especially when things are hard.

8. Try Hotel Sex

Charles Orlando says, “Date night is a good attempt at rekindling things “. The feeling of being away from home can light the spark you have forgotten about, date night can be best at rekindling things, after working all through the week it is better to have a quality time coupled with sex at a different location away from your home, hotel will be the best choice, you can only do this if you have a trusted babysitter to take care of your kid(s) while you are away.

9. Never Stop Courting Each Other.

“Write notes, send texts, cook together, compliment each other — do the things you did before kids,” says life coach Erin Baebler of Magnolia Workshop. “Seduce each other”. Remember all those things you did before kids? They can add a little spark back to your marriage, send text, write notes for each other, cook dinner together and always complement each other.

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10. Focus On The Rights Not Wrongs

If you are the type who always sees the wrong things your spouse do, it’s time to shift your perspective a little, focus on the right things they do no matter how little they may be, and always appreciate your spouse.  Stop ‘shouldering’ each other,” says Elizabeth Lombardo. Gratitude will bring more happiness than criticism or judgment.

11. Remain On The Same Team

“Form a partnership where both parties feel respected, cared about and needed,” says Tina Tessina. “Hopefully both parents will be actually be involved in child care, which keeps the burden from being too great on one parent”.

Forming a partnership where both parties actually feel cared about, feel respected, and needed.

If you and your spouse work hand in hand for the good of the family, the marriage will remain strong, unlike when the whole work is left alone to one party, the success of your marriage is a teamwork.

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12. Talk It Out

“Regardless of how long you’ve been married, he cannot read your mind. Don’t expect him to,” says Elizabeth Lombardo.

Most married people who have been in a marriage for a long time will assume their spouses understand them, it is not always the case, men may pay less attention to what you really care about.

So it is better you talk things out, there is no problem with telling him to put the dish in the dishwasher or fold his clothes. Real relationships require real communication if you must know.

13. Solve Problems On Time

“Talk frequently and honestly to each other about your frustrations, sex, anger, disappointment, appreciation of each other, everything,” says Tina Tessina.

You should talk regularly and honestly to each other about the things you are angry about, no wisdom in hiding your disappointment, frustrations, sex issues or anger. Do not be held down by who should be right or wrong, pay attention to what will solve the problem and always do it on time before it’s too late.

14. Reflect On The Good Times

“Remembering what drew you together helps you stay crazy-in-love,” says Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad, author ofThis Path We Share: Reflecting on 60 Years of Marriage”. Spicing up your marriage could mean only just taking your minds back to the good moments you had before now, you can review your meeting, wedding, and early marriage, remembering what attracted you guys to each other aids remaining in love.

15. Take Time Off From Parenting

You should regularly use a trusted babysitter; many couples spend the first years of their kids’ lives forgetting that should be a couple instead of just parents. You should maintain your individual identity by time out for yourself and each other.

16. Have Fun

Do fun-filled activities together, there are hobbies or leisure that you two enjoy, laughter is a great aphrodisiac, make fun out things that seem too hard to get over. “Take a wine-tasting or dance class, read a book together or volunteer for a cause about which you both feel passionate,” says Elizabeth Lombardo.

17. Create And Celebrate

“Create plans together to make your dreams come true. Progress consistently and tangibly toward that goal,” says Dana Hilmer. Having children does not put life on hold, you should create plans together to make your dreams a reality, then move consistently towards that goal, even your children will notice how you support yourselves and they will, in turn, assist their siblings to reach their goals.

18. Live In The Moment

“Enjoy this stage of your life together. Don’t try to plug the old you into your new life,” says Dana Hilmer. Do not clutter your mind with the things of the past, always be happy with what you have now and personally had this issue.

Always reflect on the wrongs my spouse did to me each time we are trying to have fun, this almost tore my marriage relationship apart. Do not let the worries of tomorrow take away the beauty of today.

Rekindle and Spice Up Your Marriage

19. Count Your Blessings

Instead of focusing your energy on what you lack, it is better to be grateful for the things you have now.

A heart of gratitude does more to bring more to you, and often times not being grateful can leave the whole family frustrated. Always be thankful for the things that surround you.

20. Find Ways Regularly To Admire Each Other

Admiring your spouse is something you should never overlook, we usually show less concern about this when we are married. We no longer pay attention to those little things we used to love each other before we got married. Always remind your client how beautiful they look, how talented they are, whatever you think they would really love to be admired for, you be the one to show that admiration all the time.

21. Say I love You

The last of this is the popular three words, as easy as it may sound, most married people never really say it to their spouse, even if it may sound a bit silly, how often do you say I love you to him/her? Make sure you say this at least five times a day; you will notice the difference in your marriage.

1. Images courtesy of imagery majestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net


David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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