How to Ruin a Marriage is a topic that warrants careful consideration, as it serves as a cautionary reminder of behaviors and attitudes that couples should actively avoid.
Even though unwittingly, couples always make mistakes that will destroy they marriage.
In most cases, it is because of habit or utter ignorance. And so many people end up committing the same mistake over and over again, hurting themselves and their spouses.
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Importance of a Strong and Healthy Marriage.
A strong and healthy marriage is the cornerstone of a fulfilling and emotionally rewarding life. It provides a stable foundation for personal growth, emotional support, and the nurturing of children within a secure environment.
In a thriving marriage, partners not only find love and companionship but also a source of strength that enables them to face life’s challenges with resilience.
Moreover, healthy marriages contribute to the well-being of the broader community, as they often serve as examples of empathy, compromise, and cooperation. Ultimately, a strong and healthy marriage isn’t just a personal achievement; it’s a vital building block for a harmonious society.
Photo by Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash
It helps to know some of the errors that could ruin your marriage. The purpose of this article is to shed light on prevalent destructive behaviors that can undermine a marriage and, in doing so, equip couples with valuable insights for recognizing and preventing these pitfalls.
By examining these behaviors and offering practical guidance, we aim to empower individuals to cultivate and maintain strong, thriving marriage that stand the test of time.
The following How to Ruin a Marriage: 15 Simple Mistakes will reveal the things that threaten the joy you enjoy in your marriage:
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A Lying Tongue
You may mistakenly believe that telling white lies is acceptable and that your spouse will never discover the truth.
Eventually, your spouse finds out all the facts and feels deceived, believing you have always lied about things in your marriage.
When doubt enters a relationship, it creates mistrust, making your partner have second thoughts about the relationship as a whole.
How do you change from a lying partner to an honest one?
In How to Create TRUE and Lasting Honesty in Your Marriage, Liam Naden says you should remain honest when saying uncomfortable things. With that, you will improve your marriage and encourage your partner to be more honest and open with you.
So, steer clear from a lying tongue and save your marriage.
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Master the skills to Build A Stronger Relationship
Disrespecting Each Other
Bumping heads or getting on each other’s nerves is common. Even with that, you should never disrespect your partner.
No matter what they might have done, hurling insults at your partner won’t solve your problems.
Some people even take it further by sifting through their partner’s belongings in search of answers.
Doing so is an invasion of privacy and an easy way to erode trust between the two of you. If you have doubts, it is better to face and discuss them with your partner.
Even better, respect each other’s beliefs, opinions, and space, realizing that you can only build your marriage with a positive attitude.
In Love & Respect, Emerson Eggerichs says you should respect one another and create room to live in harmony.
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Controlling Each Other
One of the mistakes that will ruin marriages is partners trying to control each other. While trying to help your partner become a better person is normal, trying to make them obey all your whims isn’t.
For example, you should never try to force your partner to dress in a particular way. Similarly, it would help if you didn’t impose your values and beliefs on your partner.
So, what can you do to avoid controlling your partner? Accept that you married your partner for a reason and let them be themselves.
Also, allow him or her to like and appreciate different things from those you want. Listen to your partner’s opinion and respect it no matter how different it might be. In turn, you will have a happier partner and a more successful marriage.
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Limiting (Or Curtailing) Each Other’s Social Lives
No one disputes the fact that you are married. However, trying to limit (or curtail) your spouse’s social life can be detrimental to your marriage.
Instead, it would help your spouse have separate friends to share stories and express feelings. In a way, your spouse is receiving free therapy since they do not have to talk to a professional shrink.
However, Henry Cloud et al. advise establishing Boundaries in Marriage to having your spouse going out to drink all weekend long.
He can meet with his buddies over a beer while still actively participating in the relationship.
So, avoid being too hard on each other. After all, being constantly together may even breed resentment due to boredom.
Also Related: Top 17 Most Common Mistakes that Ruin Marriages.
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Criticizing Each Other
Criticism (harsh words) can be hurtful and hard to forget. It can push your spouse away by making them think you don’t value their opinions. After all, having different views means diversity in the relationship (hence making it stronger).
Here is the thing. Just because you have different opinions and interests doesn’t mean that you are incompatible with each other.
So it’s okay if you and your spouse change your minds on some things. Learn to avoid conflicts by embracing the differences between you and your spouse. That way, you are free to be yourself (and avoid pretending to please your spouse).
Speak The Language of Love and Respect, and your relationship will be stronger and happier than before.
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Heaping Too Many Responsibilities on One Partner
It is easy for couples to assume that one partner should handle all responsibilities while the other one enjoys life. It could be carrying the financial burdens of the family or handling household chores.
Leaving everything to one partner can make them feel overburdened and ready to go into the relationship. While it could be impractical to share all responsibilities fifty-fifty, you should make efforts to help each other.
Both of you are working and share the family’s financial burdens to ensure you pay all your bills. Besides, it would help if you shared household chores so that one partner doesn’t feel unnecessarily overburdened.
After all, marriage is a team sport in which every partner has a role to play. If you don’t approach everything as a team, you might find yourselves slowly pulling apart.
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Never Saying, “I Am Sorry.”
Conflicts in marriage can be a result of the things someone said or did.
It helps when one of you is ready to apologize for their mistakes. That helps solve conflicts, returning the relationship to the path of uncontrolled growth.
Now, apologizing can be hard, especially for individuals who think it signals a weak ego, lack of pride, or weakness. That’s why many people prefer to maintain a tough stance when saying “I am sorry” is the easy way out.
When you apologize, it shows your readiness to make the relationship work (you are willing to give everything for the connection). You could follow Gary Chapman’s The Five Languages of Apology.
Photo by Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash
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Using the Silent Treatment (Often)
The silent treatment is common among spouses who want to attract their partner’s attention without uttering a word.
They want to show how much they are hurting (without saying a word) after a disagreement in the relationship. So, they opt to keep silent – never responding to their partners.
While that is likely to catch your partner’s attention, it can broaden the distance between the two of you. With time, the couple discovers it has nothing to talk about since they have become strangers to each other.
So what should you do? Share your problems with your partner even if you think they don’t understand you. Avoid thinking the silent treatment can be a problem solver and communicate freely.
Express negative feelings so that you can discuss and find a common solution.
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Never Assuming Responsibility for Your Actions
People have habits, addictions, and affairs. However, instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they blame it on their spouses.
For example, you could blame your nagging wife for your recent affair. Or your violent husband for your late nights.
No wonder Pauline Brooks calls it a Marriage Vacation, where partners are responsible for their actions.
Stop blaming your partner for taking responsibility for your mistakes.
It starts with accepting that you made a mistake as an individual and not because of your spouse. If you are in trouble because of your spouse, then don’t hesitate to voice the truth.
Honesty will help you avoid one of the mistakes that will ruin your relationship.
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Excluding Each Other From Your Problems
Married couples should freely share all their problems, fears, and insecurities.
When you feel worried or have a rough time, don’t hesitate to tell your partner. That’s also true when you feel angry or sad. Your partner may notice you have a troubled mind and ask you about it.
Avoid ignoring them as that can make them think they are the cause of the problem.
Keeping your anger, problems, or bitterness to yourself may make your partner think you consider them unworthy confidants.
In the book Solving Marriage Problems, Jay E. Adams, you should always talk about your problems to develop solutions. With that, you will encourage him or her to open up when they get into trouble.
And your marriage will be the stronger for it.
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Being Less Intimate With Each Other
After living together for a while, most couples experience dwindling tenderness, connection, and affection. With the growing physical distance, you become roommates (more or less).
In most cases, that may result in the total lack of sexual intimacy as you drift apart. If you don’t find a remedy, that becomes one of the mistakes that will ruin marriages such as yours.
What can you couple do to make the relationship stronger? Plan sessions when you and your spouse (no children) can have an evening to talk about life’s issues.
Go to bed at the same time to increase the chances of intimacy between the two of you.
In Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, William Cutrer et al. say you should plan to be sexually intimate (even if it’s maintenance sex) once in a while.
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Sacrificing Too Much For the Relationship
When you enter into a marriage, you are a complete individual with different hobbies, opinions, and preferences.
However, you might have to sacrifice your life and identity for the sake of the relationship.
While compromising is part of marriage, it can ruin your relationship if it is one-sided. Both of you should cede ground by establishing the common things between the two of you.
So avoid sacrificing your hobbies, opinions, are preferences for the sake of the marriage. Maintaining a level of autonomy could even make your marriage stronger and more fulfilling.
Encourage each other to maintain relationships with your family and friends. If you like dancing in the evening, keep doing it as long as you agree with your partner.
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Stalking Each Other On Social Media
Have you been stalking your partner on social media? That’s one of the mistakes that will ruin marriages such as yours.
Social media stalking is obsessive behavior that involves following your spouse online to check them out. You go to the posts, comments, and images, looking for infidelity signs where none exists.
It doesn’t help if you keep scrolling through your spouse’s social media profiles to find information about their past and present.
Stop obsessing on who they dated or didn’t date before they met you. It’s not surprising that William Appiah refers to Social Media as the “new menace to meaningful relationships.”
Photo by Trina Christian on Unsplash
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Comparing Your Spouse with Others
One of the biggest mistakes that will ruin marriages is comparing your relationship with others. Don’t be deceived – the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
The couple you think doesn’t argue could be doing it way from the prying eyes. If they told you about their issues, you would be shocked they still look strong together.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, try to work on your relationship, and make it stronger. Accept the issues in your relationship and find possible solutions to them. Whatever you do, look at what’s on your plate and make it better.
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Leaving Problems to Fester
Marital problems are best dealt with promptly. Some experts advise that you deal with your issues before going to bed.
If you don’t (and brush it aside), it could end up compounding into a very serious problem. By the time you deal with it, it would be too big for you to resolve and reach an understanding.
Make sure you deal with all problems – whether big or small – as soon as they arise. And, don’t blame your spouse for your issues.
Also, avoid unnecessary criticism but own up to your concerns to make your relationship stronger. You can read the Marriage Problem Solving Problem Journal by Danae C. Little.
Conclusion
Whatever you do, avoid making the mistakes that will ruin marriages like yours. We are talking about being more truthful, respectful, less controlling, responsible, and less criticizing.
Importantly, it would help if you communicate openly and without inhibitions about your issues.
Importantly, it would be best if you got closer to each other by improving the frequency of your intimacy.
Never leave it to chance. If you work on your relationship, it will be stronger and more fulfilling.
