The Ultimate Guide on How to Improve Your Love Life

By David Small •  Updated: 07/17/19 •  16 min read

What does it mean to have a love life? “Love life” refers to the part of an individual’s life that has to do with a relationship with a lover.

It has everything to do with the sexual and romantic relationships a person has. But being another person’s lover does not necessarily about having sex.

The Ultimate Guide on How to Improve Your Love Life

Photo by Shvets Anna from Pexels

When a person is in a relationship, he or she conforms to a lot of give-and-take. While it is important to know what you want in your love life, you should also be willing to know what your partner wants.

However, you should find the right person first. For most people, having a long-term relationship is a must. Others would rather have a string of casual relationships. It all depends on an individual’s personal preferences.

How Can I Have A Love Life?

Most single people mistakenly believe that dating is an extremely difficult thing. Only if they knew how easy it is to have a love life. Many cannot get over the frustrations, disappointments, and excitements they have to undergo to build relationships from scratch.

Yet, they having nothing to worry about. You need to have a headstrong desire to make things better. Here are easy steps to more fulfilling relationships:

  1. Learn To Love Yourself

Do you really love yourself? If “yes”, then you will be able to effectively love another person. After all, how can you love another person when you don’t love yourself? Without self-love, it is impossible to have self-compassion and self-respect.

The obvious result is a situation where you have no problem tolerating mistreatment from your partner. However, when you have self-love, you will value your well-being and feelings. As you respect and show kindness to another person, you will require the same of him or her.

Put it into practice: Take time to look deep down inside and note the things you like about yourself. If possible write them down. Perhaps it is your beautiful face, inner peace, and so on.

  1. Know Your Contribution to the Relationship

Having a love life is all about give-and-take. Of course, there are lots of things you expect from him or her. Maybe you want your partner to take you out regularly.

You expect regular sex, and so on. However, you need to ask yourself what you are bringing to the table. What’s it about you that will compliment your partner?

Put it into practice: Why don’t you write down everything amazing and wonderful about you? When you know what you are worth of, others will be able to see it clearly. Once you know what you have to offer, develop a sense of self-confidence. Expect your partner to appreciate you more when you are self-assured.

  1. Make Your Needs and Wants Clear

Who does not have needs and wants in a relationship? Perhaps you need regular treats from your partner. If you would like to have sex more often, say it.

When you effectively communicate what you want, it will be easier for you to advance your love life. With time, you will be able to build a strong relationship you have been looking for.

Put it into practice: Start by nurturing your confidence to be able to speak up. Then tell your partner what you want. As you get forthright, it will be possible for your partner to know what to do to build the relationship.

Related Article: 15 Ways to Make Him Love You More

  1. Improve Your Sex Appeal

Everyone has his or her own definition of “sexy”. What’s yours? Is it a big booty, chiseled muscles or a soft skin? Whatever makes you feel sensual, do it!  It is about feeling sexy for yourself and others.

After all, that sensual feeling is infectious. It helps your relationship when your efforts to take care of yourself become apparent to your partner. Who wants to have a relationship with an unattractive person, anyway? So work on your sex appeal.

Put it into practice: It is pretty easy. Whatever your definition of “sexy”, do it for yourself. Workout if you must. Wear pretty lingerie. Adorn the clothes you love.

  1. Have an In-Depth Knowledge of Your Body

It does not help when you have no knowledge of your own body. How will you be able to have a fulfilling physical relationship when you have no idea the parts of your body that bring you to life?

If anything, your partner can’t know what turns you on unless you tell him or her. That’s the only way you are going to have a fulfilling sex life. There’s no better way to express love than through regular sex.

Put it into practice: Be open and tell him or her what turns you on. You will need a lot of courage and confidence to pull it off. As your partner learns how to ignite you, the two of you will have a more intimate relationship.

  1. Listen More

There is a lot of communication that goes on in a relationship. However, it is not all talking. To reach an understanding, a lot of listening is involved. That’s why you should learn to listen more intently.

Your partner needs to feel heard. Help him or her to get the sense that what he or she is saying is being understood. That way, they feel respected and connected. The result is immense satisfaction that makes the relationship better.

Put it into practice: Engage more in active listening. Wait to understand what your partner means before interjecting. Watch out for non-verbal cues that could help you understand the words being said.

Related Articles: 17 Signs Your Relationship Will Last Forever.

How Can I Improve My Love Life?

It could be that you are in a relationship but things are not as rosy as you would wish. When you started, your relationship was at its very best. The more you stayed together, the more things between the two of you deteriorated.

In essence, the fire you once had is no longer there. For the longest time now, your sexy nightdress has been languishing in the drawer while your massage oil has been gathering dust somewhere. Essentially, you cannot speak of a sex life between the two of you.

So what can you do to improve your relationship? Here are suggestions on things you can do to grow closer to your partner:

  1. Have Regular Dates

After being together for a long time, plan for the time when you will be having nothing but sex. The mistake by some couples is making sex the last thing after everything else. However, start with the things you like whether it is a walk, dinner or a movie.

If you must, have a candlelight dinner at home. Take a glass of wine to set the mood. Some people mistakenly think that planned sex is unromantic. While spontaneity might spice things up, having a date for sex is even more desirable. If you value intimacy with your partner, plan for it.

Put it into practice: Check your schedule and that of your partner. What’s the night when both of you are free from the demands of your respective careers and family life.

Pick one evening when you can go on a date. If both of you like movies, pick a day when a promising romantic film is premiering. Get in the mood for a steamy sexually-charged evening in a hotel room.

  1. Decorate Your Bedroom

There are times when sex in a hotel room might be impossible to pull off all the time. That’s unless you are extremely rich, unemployed or childless. So, don’t forget to improve things at home.

Take a good look at your bedroom and note down things that need improvement. If you transform it into a fresh, new space, you will be able to heighten the feelings between the two of you.

Put it into practice: Buy a new bed, possibly a revolving one. Or, simply light candles. Get rid of the junk, clear the piles of laundry, and get rid of the bedroom TV. Make your bedroom conducive for a more romantic relationship.

  1. Experiment with New Things

For the last few years, you might have settled into a routine when it comes to intimacy between you and your partner. The problem with familiarity is that it leads sexual partners into playing it safe.

All confidence to try something new is lost along the way. Once you establish a routine, you are likely to resist change in your sex life. The default is to feel like making changes will expose you to certain losses.

So, you end up playing it safe. According to you, anything else would mucky the waters, and you don’t want that. Being open to new things can take the relationship a long way.

Put it into practice: Make small changes like having a massage, wearing sexy lingerie or introducing sex toys. Simply take a risk. If you are always waiting for your partner to initiate things, be the one to do it this time around.

  1. Deal with Sexual Problems

To be honest, sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction, libido loss, and premature ejaculation are real. The problem is that people with such issues tend to avoid intimacy like the plague. Many have the fear of failing their partners, which eventually works against them.

And it’s not just the men that are dealing with these issues. Women also report issues such as inability to climax and painful sex. When there is no understanding between the partners, these issues can cause friction when sex becomes less frequent.

Put it into practice: Talk with your partner about your issues. For the issues that require medical attention, seek the services of a qualified physician. For instance, libido loss, premature ejaculation, and erectile dysfunction can be treated with medication.

Other issues may require a different approach to your sex life. Painful sex might be as a result of lack of proper arousal. So take time at the foreplay stage. If you need a lubricant, get one.

  1. Take Time

After a long time in a relationship, sexual encounters tend to become briefer or business-like.

In the beginning, you found it easy to explore and try out new things. Now you have settled into a routine and the best you can have is a quickie. What’s that does is to take the romance out of the whole thing.

So, stop focusing on the destination and think more about the process. To have the best sex, the whole of your body should be sensually involved. So add in some creativity, playfulness, and leisure. Try everything you need to.

That’s especially if you are a man. What you should know about going too fast is that it only exacerbates problems such as premature ejaculation. Learn to take it slow.

Put it into practice: Take longer time in the foreplay stage. You may want to start off with a candlelight dinner, for example. Simply put, learn to build the stage for an intimate encounter.

If you are a man, you will have more confidence in bed and even get over your sexual problems. For women, taking time is the surest path to getting turned on.

  1. Don’t Worry About the Quantity of Sex

Who told you that having a lot of sex is the solution to your relationship problems? If you aren’t having that much sex, don’t worry. It is not about the quantity but the quality. After all, intimacy is much more than just sex.

Obsession with sex may dilute any intimacy you might have had up to now. So don’t be deceived by all the pornography and magazine articles on sex. What it does is make you think you aren’t having as much sex as much as other individuals out there.

Put it into practice: Stop measuring yourself to other people. Talk with your partner and decide how much sex you want to have. Remember, it takes two to tango.

Related Articles: 15 Ways To Increase Physical Intimacy In The Bedroom

  1. Don’t Stop Having Fun

Apart from making dates, learn to have fun together. Do you have any shared hobbies? If not, can you learn your partner’s hobbies?

Whatever you do, make every effort to get involved in fun activities. After all, you are likely to stay together when you play together. It helps build passionate love, shared affection, sexual intimacy, and happiness.

Put it into practice: Do you have an activity you mutually love but which you have never done before, say, skydiving? How much would you like involving your partner into it?

Even if it is taking yoga classes, activities that involve both of you are likely to help you grow stronger together. Go to the gym together or try hiking. It should be something both of you enjoy doing.

  1. Appreciate Your Partner

According to scientific research appreciating your partner can lead to a more fulfilling relationship. It helps if the gratitude is from deep down. When you feel and mouth gratitude towards your partner, he or she will be more satisfied and fulfilled with the relationship.

In any relationship, appreciation is reciprocal. When you appreciate your partner, he or she is likely to appreciate you back. It is much easier for the two of you to do things to meet each other’s needs. When all is said and done, no two partners could be more committed to a relationship.

Put it into practice: To improve your love life, take time to say “thank you”. Tell your partner how much you love him or her. However, gratitude is not just about what you say.

It is more about how you feel towards your partner. Do you truly feel grateful? If not, work on that aspect. Think about the things that make you appreciate your partner.

  1. Learn To Forget About The Past

After being in a relationship for a while, you must have built a history together. There are things that your partner might have done to hurt you just like there are things he or she might have done to hurt you.

For you to make your relationship stronger, stop dwelling on the past. Reminding yourself of past mistakes does nothing but fan old wounds. If you are looking for a fresh start to your relationship, forget about what might have gone wrong. That’s the only way you will grow in your relationship.

Put it into action: If you are hurting from past relationships, forgive and forget. However, appreciate your mistakes and learn from them. There is no need to bring bitterness into a relationship you are trying to build. Forgive yourself and your past lovers.

  1. Maintain Other Friendships and Hobbies

The fact that you are in love does not mean you should be forever in each other’s presence. As you plan for dates with your partner, also arrange to meet up with your friends. Spice up your life by having a variety of friends.

It is about taking time away from each other. When out of sight, your hearts will grow fonder. If you don’t do that, you will end up feeling suffocated and bored with each other. In a similar way, try new hobbies. You can either do this together with your partner or alone.

Put it into action: Maintain contact with your friends and schedule regular activities together. Take up new hobbies to have an exciting life. By working on your personal happiness, you will be able to bring life into your relationship and make it even stronger.

Related Article: 17 Signs Your Relationship Will Last Forever.

  1. Look at the Past for Things That Made You Happy

Amid all the disappointments you might have had in life, there must be instances when you were truly happy. It could be in your current relationship or others which you have wriggled out of. What’s it that your partner did right to make you happy?

Think about these things and share them with him or her. Is it how he or she made you feel? It is things you did together that you have long forgotten about? Whatever it is, try to implement it. Who knows? You might be able to restore your rocky relationship to unimaginable levels.

Put it into action: Go into your past and bring back the good memories. Share them with your partner without condemning him of her for having changed. If there are activities that made you happy together, why don’t you try them, once more?

  1. Learn From Your Failures

Just as a lot might have gone right in the past, much could also have gone wrong. Perhaps you and your partner deliberately hurt each other at some point. Maybe you cheated on him or her. Or you weren’t emotionally present at some point.

When you know things that didn’t work out, you will be able to make the necessary changes. If you haven’t been treating each other well, it will be possible to make the necessary improvements in the future. After all, you can only come up with a solution if you know what the problem is.

Put it in action: Do some self-introspection and take note of areas in which you have the biggest shortcomings. If your partner is willing, sit down with him or her and talk about things from the past that might be preventing you from having a fully-fledged relationship.

This knowledge is important for building strong relationships.


When the rubber meets the road, we all know how to improve our love life. That’s why most of the points above sound like common sense. After all, the desire to have strong relationships is an intrinsic desire in all of us. The approach you take should be that which truly appeals to your heart.

So, after reading the points above, which tips resonate with you the most? If you are an outdoors person, then engaging in lots of activities with your loved one is the way to go. Otherwise, you might prefer staying at home, cuddling.

In the end, it is up to you to build your relationship. That means you have to take the initiative. When both of you pull from your respective ends, you should be able to tighten the bond between the two of you.

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

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