21 Great Romantic Questions for Married Couples

By David Small •  Updated: 08/31/23 •  11 min read

Married couples must sometimes ask themselves questions to advance their relationship. These questions can help you remain curious about each other and discuss critical issues.

By asking questions, you can grow closer to your loved ones and improve your romance and intimacy. You’ll know how best to respond to your spouse’s desires, needs, and wants.

But you might have no idea precisely what to ask your spouse. This article provides 21 romantic questions for married couples. Keep reading for more.

Why Should Couples Ask Themselves Questions?

According to Dr. Susan Krauss, there are many reasons why you should ask your partner the right questions. You could be seeking information or finding out your partner’s feelings.

In a close relationship such as marriage, you cannot avoid asking questions. But asking questions can also send unintended signals to your partner.

That’s why you should be careful with your questions and how you ask them. Instead of questions that elicit “yes” or “no” answers, you should seek out more information.

Romantic Questions for Married Couples.

The good thing with our romantic questions for married couples is that they are framed in a way that elicits more information instead of “yes” or “no” answers.

Here are some questions you should ask your spouse (wife or husband) to spice up your relationship and make it more exciting.

1. How am I as a partner in general?

This question seeks to elicit a general response from your partner about how you treat her in the relationship.

When asking this question, let your partner know you expect an honest opinion. Instead of trying to make you feel good about yourself, they should tell you their honest assessment of you.

In Questions for Couples, Marcus & Ashley Kusi argue that providing an honest answer can help you improve in areas where you fall short.

2. What most excites you about our relationship?

Assessing your relationship occasionally is a good way of making it stronger and better.

Although this question is similar to the one above, it seeks the positive things in the relationship. If nothing positive happens, your partner should be able to tell you.

In One Question a Day for You and Me, Aimee Chase says learning the exciting things in a relationship can greatly strengthen it.

3. What two things would you like me to change the most?

Now this is a critical question. No individual is perfect. You have your quirks, and so does your partner. While we should learn to live with each other’s flaws, we should also seek to change them.

This is one of the essential romantic questions for married couples since it seeks to trigger change. While you could be pained by some things your partner would say, be ready to change.

4. What are your most significant fears about this relationship?

Regardless of your confidence, you could still have some fears about your relationship. So is your spouse.

In the Couples Therapy Workbook, Kathleen Mates-Youngman suggests addressing each other’s fears before they become blown out.

Therefore, asking this question should be the starting point. As you begin to address your spouse’s fears, also raise yours. In the end, you should work together to create a stronger relationship.

5. How can I show more love as a partner (wife/husband)?

Are you showing your partner enough love? Asking this question can help you to know whether or not that’s the case and what you can do about it.

This could be about the part of The 5 Love Languages you aren’t addressing in your relationship. When asking this question, remind your spouse of the need for an honest answer to help you improve how you show them, love.

6. Is there anything I can help you deal with now?

Marriage partners have their challenges, but these challenges aren’t usually voiced out by the affected partners.

Yet, in marriage, both partners should support each other to overcome personal challenges. This support will ease stress and help you build a more romantic relationship.

In 131 Creative Conversations for Couples, Jed Jurnenko says asking this question can help you solve any pending issues. Eventually, you’ll grow closer to your spouse.

7. In what ways can we make our intimacy better?

Being intimate is one of the best ways to strengthen a marriage. According to Alisa DiLorenzo, author of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy Workbook, being physically and sexually intimate is not optional.

Through their answer, your spouse should suggest ways through which you can be more intimate with them. Perhaps they need you to be touchier and cuddlier. Or, they want you to engage with them more intellectually and emotionally.

8. What’s your dream date with me?

Being married doesn’t mean the end of dating. In Dating in Marriage, Brittany Putman suggests date night ideas for 12 months to help couples build better marriages.

This is one of the best romantic questions for married couples since it can help you meet your spouse’s needs in a better way.

For example, your spouse could suggest that she wants a romantic dinner at her favorite restaurant, hiking in the mountains, or have a simple picnic in the park.

9. What are your three most significant wishes for our future?

Most couples go into marriage for the long haul. While some marriages end in divorce, most are meant to last for decades.

Depending on your partner’s answer to this question, you should be able to know whether or not they’re invested in it for the long term. It can help you to discover problems and address them pronto.

10. In what ways should I be more understanding?

Most individuals have a high opinion about their understanding of their relationships. But it takes the other partner’s opinion to assess your behavior honestly.

Perhaps you have been blocking your spouse from advancing their career. Or you don’t meet their needs adequately.

Relationship therapist at Connectfulness, Rebecca Wong, says feeling understood breed deeper intimacy. Without it, your spouse feels rejected and less critical of you.

11. How would you like us to improve our finances?

Chuck & Anne Bentley, authors of Money Problems, Marriage Solutions, suggest that finances can make or break a relationship. Therefore, married couples should agree on the best ways to manage their money.

Yet, few couples discuss this topic freely. So, as part of the 21 romantic questions for married couples, find out from your spouse where you should improve.

Of course, your partner will make some suggestions. Discuss these suggestions to have a mutual strategy on how you wish to approach your finances.

12. What are my most significant strengths in this relationship?

Every relationship has strengths and weaknesses. Asking this question can help you and your spouse focus more on your strengths and improve your relationship.

According to a 2012 study by the University of Nebraska, identifying the strengths in your relationship can help you build a stronger marriage bond.

Even as you work on your strengths, you should seek to eliminate weaknesses. With that, you’ll build a nearly infallible relationship.

13. What are your top three songs and why?

Does your partner love music? Ask them to name their top-three all-time songs. While this question may seem insignificant, knowing these songs can help you to spice up your date nights.

In the Little Book of Great Dates, Greg & Erin Smalley suggest having a candlelit dinner at home. You could play your spouse’s favorite songs in the background. You could ask the DJ to play these songs in a restaurant to spice up your date night.

14. What two things did we forget to celebrate in the last 12 months?

Forgetting important occasions can happen to anyone. So, to find out the critical occasions you overlooked, ask your spouse about it. By celebrating essential occasions, you’ll strengthen your marriage bond.

It could be a birthday, an achievement, or an anniversary. Your spouse will help you remember these occasions and arrange the necessary celebrations. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is.

15. What things did we do before marriage that you wish we did now?

Married life can make you complacent in many ways. After all, you have your catch at home. What more should you do to prove you love them?

Therefore, you could neglect what you did before your wedding, such as date nights. Ask this question to have your wife remind you of what you have neglected.

Then work on these things to strengthen your marriage relationship. Have regular date nights, cuddle more, watch movies together, etc.

16. What thing should I know the most about you now?

According to Ashley & Marcus Kusi, authors of Quizzes for Couples, you can only know so much about your spouse before and after marriage. Each day, you learn something new about them.

So, it helps to ask what you should know the most about them now. While it sounds like an ambush, it will help your spouse open up to you in ways they couldn’t.

17. Do you love me more with each passing day?

Now, this can be a tricky question. Your spouse would be confused about whether to say “yes” or “no.” But most will likely say “yes.”

Asking this question is better than assuming that your spouse loves you. If their love for you is waning, they should explain why that’s the case.

You can then take remedial measures such as going on regular date nights, being more intimate, and communicating openly where possible.

18. How satisfied are you with the time we spend together?

There’s time spent together, and then there’s quality time. If you don’t have lots of quality time, your spouse will likely be less satisfied with the relationship.

This is one of the romantic questions for married couples that could help you improve the kinds of activities you have together.

According to Dr. Corey Allan, spending quality time together can help you communicate better and be more intimate.

19. How can we build our relationship more?

As a married couple, you should discuss the strategies to strengthen your marriage. But this cannot happen by fluke. It may require you to ask the right question, including this one.

When answering this question, encourage your spouse to suggest multiple ways to strengthen your marriage. You can then discuss the merits and demerits of each approach before settling on the one that would work best for you.

For example, you could have evening hikes, cook dinner together, and play card games. If you have deeper issues, seeing a marriage counselor is better.

20. In what ways do we balance each other?

Your relationship isn’t all doom and gloom. There must be some good things happening in it. Ask this question to find out how you and your spouse balance each other.

Perhaps one is outgoing while the other is reserved. Or, you’re more practical while your spouse is analytical.

According to Dr. Alice Boyes, couples that complement each other tend to stay together longer. The only challenge is recognizing and taking advantage of your differences.

21. What are your top-five romantic gifts?

If you’re looking for a way to surprise your spouse, asking this question can help you know the gifts to buy.

So, have your spouse list the gifts they desire the most. Surprise her with one of the gifts on a random evening or special occasion.

Since you already know what your spouse likes, you will surely make them happy with your gift. It’s like having prior knowledge of exam answers. There’s no reason not to ace the test.

The Bottom Line

Now that you know the 21 romantic questions for married couples, which ones will you ask your spouse? These questions either help you to know your spouse better or to build a stronger relationship.

They can be great conversation starters, especially on the most challenging things. They’ll help your spouse to open up to you and pour out their heart. As you learn your spouse’s thoughts, you’ll make necessary improvements.

David Small

is the founder and editor of relationshiptips4u. He is a dating, marriage & relationship coach, speaker, and author. Learn more about him here and connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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